Listen up reta.....err, I mean memelords. I know we’ve all moved on from the meme era into the weed era (and hopefully people stick around that one due to the fundamentals for a while, but if not....) and soon to be a redux of the vehicle era, but there’s one meme stonk we need to have a real, honest heart-to-heart about (and hey, it even ties into cars): Let’s talk about Blackberry ($BB)

First, let’s get some misconceptions out of the way:

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Blackberry was never a short squeeze stonk, even though it ended up getting roped in with the other squeezers we were denied squozing because of Wall Street cheating. A lot of people thought it was and that’s simply not the case. Blackberry was, is, and always will be, a phoenix rising from the ashes story, nostalgia peppered with functionality. You know, kind of like how you sometimes go watch some classic porn to beat off to and don’t stop to think about the fact that the actress is now in her 60’s and probably has super saggy tiddies.
Next misconception: It’s not a Boomer mobile phone company. They don’t make phones anymore – phones that are branded with their logos are made by another company that pays licensing for the logo and some of the patents. Blackberry sold all their mobile patents months ago.
Third misconception: No matter how much we ask, they’re never changing their name back to Research in Motion so that we can talk about Rim-jobs. Sorry, just isn’t going to be a thing.
So what are they? It’s simple really: They’re now an enterprise level software security company. When you think about it, it’s not such a big pivot, given that their security encryption in their heyday was so powerful that they ended up having to set up offices in certain nations because it was impossible to crack and ran afoul of certain international laws.

Let’s take a dive into the financials before we get into the story:

At the time of this writing, BB is a 7 billion dollar company with shares trading in the $12.50 range. Even after the meme war collapse, they’re still worth double what they were when the ball dropped in New York City with absolutely nobody watching in person and everybody at home wondering why even Anderson Cooper was using an autotuner. They generate a hair over a quarter billion dollars in revenue each quarter over the last year and in 2020 had a negative EPS of about 32 cents a share as they retooled, though they trimmed that to .23 cents a share for their last quarterly earnings report. They have about a billion dollars in cash on hand and receivables, and they have about half a billion dollars in debt. It’s not a great fiscal outlook there, but it’s certainly manageable for a growth company (which is what they presently are).

Where do they make their money?

Almost half of their revenue is legacy income from selling endpoint management and secure communications licensing. A third of their revenue comes from licensing their patents. Oh, they also own Cylance, for you IT help desk monkeys.
That shit’s pretty boring, not gonna lie. Your wife’s boyfriend might find it interesting, but only because he can use it to laugh at you that you know this shit. But the rest? The rest is where things get interesting. Blackberry Radar is a fleet management solution, and the most interesting thing is....well, for that, we have to go back in time for a moment:

(Wayne’s World flashback/dream noises)….

July 29th, 2017. Las Vegas Nevada. 50,000 of the world’s most feared hackers descend upon Sin City for a weekend of debauchery, drinking, and talking about all the new and interesting ways they found to break shit or in general cause chaos - aka DefCon 25, which was NOT cancelled, contrary to what you might have been told. A young hacker from Wisconsin positively stuns everybody at a panel by revealing how it is that he found he could effectively hack almost every late model vehicle on the road that possessed connected features – from range and while the vehicles are in motion – using.....music theory. It’s an absolutely stunning revelation, something matched only by how terrifying the implications of it are. And all anybody needed was a $300 RF modulation tool. Using this, he found he could take control of every mass produced car on the market except those made by Volkswagen Group and Tesla, and those only because they had randomized frequencies they used. This guy fucked. This process was so dangerous that, for one of the only times in DefCon’s history, they didn’t publish the how-to publicly. Oh, and a team from a then relatively unknown EV company in China called $NIO won the car hacking capture the flag tournament in less dramatic fashion. If you didn't hear about any of this, it's because you were too much of a square to be there. Sucks to be you, chump. Something had to be done.

Enter Blackberry

I’ll spare you all the things that have happened since then, but what you need to know is this: Blackberry came up with a solution to defend against this and a myriad of other problems (not to mention Europoor compliance in the form of ISO 26262) not to mention autonomous security - and their security software suite (QNX) is now on almost every new car rolling off a factory line today. This software is also critical for EV’s, because it controls battery management ECU’s (that’s the shit that makes it so you don’t have to drop 10 grand on a new power plant every 2 years). Or, for those of you with IQ’s of 60: Computer make car gooder.

OK, so that’s cool. But how does this get me TENDIES, man? How much can these guys make?

They’re coy about this and won’t give hard numbers, but there are ways we can estimate what they’re pulling. But to do that, we need to go back in history again, and take a look at a stock nobody cares about

(More Wayne’s World noises)

Enter: Nuance Communications ($NUAN). You’ve probably never heard of these guys, but you and almost everybody you know has used their products at some point. They used to be best known for their Dragon Naturally Speaking software suite, which your grandparents who decided they were too old to figure out how to use a fucking keyboard bought so that they could talk to their computer and send you messages that you hated getting unless it came with a 20 dollar bill, but which they thought you cherished forever. However, at some point around 2010, IBM – whom the Nuance CEO at the time was close friends with the management of, literally just *gave* about 125 patents around voice recognition to Nuance thinking that they were worthless. Nuance took these patents and – for a brief moment – became one of the coolest techs on the planet, because their tech is what made Apple’s Siri, Amazon’s Alexa, Microsoft’s Cortana, Samsung’s whatever it was called and a billion other voice recognition platforms work. That is, until Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, Steve Ballmer, and everybody else Nuance was dumb enough to trust to let look under the hood of their secret sauce came along and all stole the IP to made their own platforms, leaving Nuance rotting in a hole in the desert. But one of the really cool things Nuance expanded into before they went full retard was they bought a couple of companies around 2013 or so– Tweddle and some other company I can’t be bothered to look up – and got into the connected car space. At one point, Nuance’s Dragon Drive virtual assistant was in every new car made by 9 of the world’s top 10 auto makers.

OK, dude, my wife’s boyfriend is asking me to bring him a beer. Can you speed this along? What does this matter?

It matters because we can look at what $NUAN was getting in licensing for putting their virtual assistant in these vehicles, and use that data to extrapolate an estimate of what $BB is getting for their software. With just their 9 car makers at their back, they were generating over 300 million dollars a year – and that was almost a decade ago, and just for something that would tell you where to pick up your Down’s Syndrome medication. Add a premium for security, include all the auto makers, carry the one, smoke a bowl to help you concentrate, adjust for inflation.....
This is a market worth about...oh, roughly 750 million dollars a year for Blackberry on the conservative side once they actually start charging a market rate for this product. Right now, they’re adopting the same go-to strategy Microsoft has been employing with Azure, which is to basically GIVE it away in order to gain market share and penetration, and then send Fat Tony to collect once the car maker is reliant on it. Plus all the other stuff we already glossed over because it’s boring as shit. Applying the average multiple of earnings for cybersecurity firms out there, their lack of competition in the space, etc. And you come up with a market cap valuation target of....oh, roughly between 45 and 50 billion dollars once they’re firing on all cylinders. And they don’t have to worry about Google or Apple throwing 10,000 engineers at this to make a competing product, because it’s just not worth it to them, so they’re largely gonna get left alone.
Or, by using maths....a share price of somewhere in the neighborhood of $87.50. Give or take 10 bucks. Make it 15 to the downside, just to be safe.

Yeah man! Cool. So I’m in. It’s gonna go to that by like, Friday or something?

An enterprise level cybersecurity company with a sub 10 billion dollar valuation is basically unheard of in this century. But this is not a burn play where you’re gonna get 50% gains every day with no work. It’s a company that’s going to have to melt up to that. It still won’t be to that point this time next year.
BUT....that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a great story. It just means that this isn’t something you do a 0DTE YOLO on and expect to get something out of. And making an Avengers meme about it isn’t going to send it to the moon. This is something you buy and stash in a musty corner of your portfolio so you can tell your Boomer parents that you’re being responsible with your investing and you were just joking about betting your inheritance on weekly FD’s for shitty online dating sites where the women have to talk to your sorry ass first. Oh, and it’ll make the lambo you buy with the money from this safer.
Because I know it matters, here are 69 rockets so you apes understand what all this meant.
.....no, there aren't going to be any rockets. I lied.
Disclosures/Positions: I am long $BB, holding 100,000 shares @ $7.67 average and another 5000 January 2022 5c’s.
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TL:DR: $87.50

All my love
-Chad Dickens

What up fart quaffers! I've got some truly mas puro retard shit for you guys to snort like a line of coarsely ground Adderall. So scooch your beanbags up and gather 'round my little dick strokers and bean flickers (see? I can be gender inclusive). Let's discuss why your uncle is more retarded than you and how you're gonna make money while he sends his social security checks to buy more tin foil.
First, let me say, if your illiterate ass isn't here for story time, just skip to the bottom. TL;DR and my positions are that'a'way.
So, by now many of you probably know that the 5G spectrums are up for auction. Verizon and T-Mobile (and to a lesser extent, AT&T -- because they is over-leveraged bitches) are gonna be throwing 90's money at it. Gonna make it rain like Jenna Jameson feature dancing at some vaporwave strip club in Tampa circa '97. Now, before you start jizzing all over your JNCO jeans, that's not the money we're after here. There's a bigger pot about to be busted out, and that, goons and goblins, is what we're aiming for.
You see, your Kool-aide drinking uncle is right about something: 5G is gonna be massive, and who the fuck cares if Bill gates is gonna use it to give us microchip suppositories while infecting us with the Rona. You'll live, and you'll make money while your uncle keeps shouting at clouds and chemtrails, poor and destitute. If only the bastard weren't as cruel as he is retarded, you might use those tendies to put him in a nice home for retards, somewhere warm, like Florida. He'd fit right in.
What's the difference between 4G and 5G? Fuck if I know, do I look like an electronics nerd? But I do know this: rather than building one big ass tower that covers a large area, 5G is gonna use a bunch of Christmas-tree sized towers and spread them over several city blocks. You hear that? What once was one tower, is now many. Is your retarded brain starting to piece this shit together? You know what you need to get all those towers and all that data talking to each other? Muthafucking switches. Yes, basically a shittier version of the router that's collecting dust while half-dangling off your desk. So, picture this, I'm sitting at the table in my crayon room, trying to force the square peg into the round hole, when I ask myself, "which cunt makes 5G switches?" Well, I put my big boy pants on and started looking at Chinese shit...emphasis on "shit".
You see, as a younger autist, I once lived in China. I even have a degree in their retarded ass laws (omfg, their constitution is such hot garbage, it's like someone put Trump tweets through a Communist formal language translator, seriously, if you're at all interested in law, go read it and laugh/weep) from one of their retarded universities. There are three facts that made me realize that China is not the answer to this.
1.) Chinese quality is fucking shit. I don't need no wumao apologists coming in here and telling me I'm wrong, because I'm not. Chinese craftsmanship is is like what you'd produce if I asked you personally to bake a 3-tiered cake, and then allowed you to frost it with Play-doh. Everything is about cutting corners and covering it up with plastic, it sucks. Look at Ze Germans, they're over there salting their pretzels with tears "because ze machine do not look sexy enough. Mutti whas rite, I am failure!" Meanwhile, in China, they're wiping their tears with fermented tofu because they can't put poison into powdered milk (you think I'm joking?!).

1. Not only is Chinese quality fucking shit, it's riddled with goddamn spyware. You know who is not gonna be cool with putting up a bunch-of Christmas tree-sized Chinese spies on every rooftop? Hopefully fucking everybody (well, except Saudi Arabia, we all know they'll just pay China to have a seat at the peepshow.). But for real, President Xi has dramatically failed to engage in the world in good faith. His predecessors were able to build good will and investment opportunities with the West, but ever since Xi took over, he's been pissing in Cheerios. Indiscretions won't be waved away as "aww, look at that little shithole trying to pull itself up by the bootstraps" anymore. Nah, we saw what happened with Huawei, and we saw China nationalize Jack Ma's shit. It's gonna go more in this direction under Xi, and Chinese supply, especially as it relates to data and information tech is only gonna be favored by jackboot cum guzzlers.
   
2. IT'S ALL FAKE GOVERNEMNT MANIPULATION. Let me tell you a story about my time in Poohland. You see, if you want to open your Retards'R'Us store in China, you gotta do the same bureaucratic bullshit like you do everywhere, file your paperwork and wait. But if you don't fucking offer a bribe, your ass is gonna go broke waiting. It's a goddamn institution. They got these stores, all they got inside is expensive whiskey and cartons of Marlboros that were made in 1987. No one ever buys from these stores because their prices are straight up ridiculous and who the fuck wants to smoke ciggies from back then, but yet, there they are. What purpose do they serve? Well, when you go turn in your business application, you swing by one of these stores, pick up a carton of Marlboros that Ronald Regan farted on and make your way to either a.) some dingy ass Soviet dystopia looking ass building or b.) some super fancy and slick building that's got welds so shitty it look's like they tried to do them with chopsticks. Either way, when you slide your application across the desk, slide that carton of Marlboros and whiskey too. You know what fuckface on the other side does with it? He goes right back to the goddamn store you were in 20 minutes ago and trades that shit for cash. You know what else happens? That store, and the thousands, if not millions, like it pump those numbers into the economic reports. Lord knows how much of their GDP is straight up due to corruption. I'm not even gonna begin to get into how the CCP manipulates markets and businesses, all you need to know is you can make a quick buck off Chinese shit, but ultimately, you're holding fake ass doo doo that "fell of the back of the truck".
   

Alright, so we veered a little off course there, but I say all that because I'm gonna make the case for my boy, ERIC. You see, ERIC is Swedish. Sweden isn't pissing in anyone's Cheerios, they're like the Canada of Europe. When you think Sweden, you think about a strange fascination with fermented fish, kinda creepy avant-garde movies, and fucking STACKED blonde bikini models. Take me to Valhalla, you Swedish valkyries...and sit on my face while you do it. Sweden is the guy at the rave dressed in khakis asking how your family is doing and making sure everyone gets home safely. Cool dude, skål! You know what you would trust this motherfucker to do? That's right you degenerates, you'd trust him to handle your fucking n00die pics. He won't judge, and he won't share. So let's go hang out with ERIC for a moment, he's got some meatballs and needs our help assembling flat-pack furniture.
You see, ERIC's been a busy lad. You old Millennials and young Gen-Xers might have even had a Sony-Ericcsson phone back when nobody knew what the fuck a Yu-Gi-Oh is. Sonny and ERIC dipped outta that scene when smartphones arrived and their bromance came to an end. But ERIC is a nerd for this shit. ERIC kept making comm tech when he wasn't too buys causing air traffic incidents with Surströmming. You know what his hard work got him? Fucking becoming a pioneer in 5G tech. As far as I'm aware, ERIC is the only muthafucka to have his shit on 4 continents (so far). ERIC got in this door early, and unlike that Chinese shit, it's good fucking quality and not trying to exploit you. Furthermore, EU is gonna love supporting one of their own, especially after Xi been pissing in Mama Merkel's Cheerios. America too is gonna start being more suspicious of China, we've seen it happen, but fucking ERIC? ERIC's cool man, he ain't pissing in our Cheerios, we ain't got beef with him handling data. Our drunk girlfriend tried to hook up with him, but he just took her to get some Mickey D's. Class fucking act, real stand-up dude.
But alright, we know ERIC is cool, and that he isn't gonna threaten to send our dick pic collection to our mamas. We know that ERIC has been making something that is about to be in high-demand, and that he is quite good at it. We also know he has been busy getting his product out across the world ahead of his competitors, and that his biggest competitors produce snitch-ass dogshit.
Yeah, just swiping through WSB Tinder, ERIC looking kinda juicy. Let's see what his bio says. Oh shit dawgs, are you seeing these charts? That steady growth. Look at how that sonuvabitch just shrugged off COVID and kept going all viking on his shit. Not only did ERIC shrug off COVID, he fucking feasted on it. Look at that jävel make his money. And what's this? The motherfucker is integrating automated drone corridors with his tech? He's raising his long-term EBITDA margins? He's out here acquiring businesses? Shit, that muthafucking Swede been a busy ass bee.
Now, you may be wondering, if ERIC is so great, what about NOK? And yeah, NOK isn't a terrible idea either, they also have some good news on their side and are a bit undervalued as well. If you wanted to take a bite of NOK, you probably won't get diarrhea, might even shit some gold. I dunno, I'm still looking into it, but I like ERIC better. [UPDATE: NOK did shit gold with the whole short squeeze fiasco, but has since fallen back to normal ranges and I stand by my evaluation of ERIC being the better long-term bet]
But here is the part I want you to really look at: the fucking call prices. Cheddar Cheesus of Wisconsin! That's some muthafucking value on a goddamn motherfucker leading the game! Goddamn Buddha going down on Shakira in the Alps! If you don't make money on this, you're fucking hopeless. [Update: call prices are still good for a long position, but getting pricier]
So yeah, there you have it, ERIC is the fucking man. He's got a good product, is ahead of the game in rolling it out, has geo-political tailwinds, solid and steady growth, and his only opposition is your retarded uncle and his looney-toons conspiracies. So this is the part where you tell him to go whistle on a dick because you're making money off the switches that ensure that the camgirl you've been simping for sees your little dick 150 miliseconds faster. 5G is coming, and someone's gotta make the hardware for it, why not ERIC?
*TL;DR Chinese shit is shit. ERIC is cool. You should give your money to ERIC*
*ERIC shares*
*ERIC Jan 2023 $12c*
P.S. I'm putting this at the bottom because I already know my inbox will be full of: "Is Jan 15 a good call date?" No motherfucker! The telecomms are still bidding on the spectrums. I have no fucking clue when they'll actually start putting up more goddamn towers, if I did, I sure as shit wouldn't be giving that info out for free. But I do know it won't happen over night. If you wanna be retarded, go play a meme stock, this shit is for autists. No rocket emojis here. So when is a good date for calls? Fuck if I know. Noticed I bought fucking leaps? Yeah, you might wanna do the same (they're dirt cheap), but I tend to think anything expiring in June-Sept and beyond is a safe bet. Totally your call based on your own risk tolerance.
Anyway, if you see my boy ERIC, just ignore the pungent smell of fermented fish.
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*Fucking obvious disclaimer:* THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD NEVER INVEST MORE THAN YOU CAN SPARE TO LOSE. I AM NOT A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL ADVISER BUT I DO WEAR A HELMET WITH RAINBOW AND STAR STICKER. IT'S FUCKING SWEET.

Things have been busy so, I apologize for the delay. I know lots of you love these stories.
Last Friday night...Yeah, I think we broke the law...Always say we're gonna stop, whoa
Friday, or in the alternative: What part of call me was not clear?
I get to my desk at the usual time and deal with the usual bullshit. I got a SCAR 16s here on consignment because a customer of mine bought them from dealers that were less than reputable and lied about the condition of/country of origin of their merchandise. And they swapped sku's and other bullshit gun dealer things.
Trying to be a nice guy, I can charge the guy to box and ship everything back or roll them at top dollar and give him a big stack of blue stripe benjamins. I tell him I'll try and sell them for him and take my cut off the top so we're both making money. He thinks this is a great idea and manages to line up a buyer on his own. I just need to do the 4473 and cut him a check. No big deal, I don't have a problem doing a little extra work for him versus the standard dealer to customer transfer. The guy he sold it to is a semi regular customer of mine and he comes in, bangs out the 4473 and it's about a 90 minute wait on transaction time.
No big deal. Instead of packing up for the gun show, I'm selling other peoples guns. I'll pack up for the gun show tonight and get everything ready when I get home. I need to be up super early and on the road.
I get everything squared off, customer comes in to get his money and drops off ANOTHER SCAR 16s to sell because the dealer pulled a con job. Okay, I can haul it to the show in the AM. I have a SCAR 16s in FDE from him. I have a 5.7 in FDE on the arm from a buddy of mine and a 509 FDE. I'll make a package deal, FDE FN Friday all FN time. Things are looking up!
I clear off all the 4473's for the week and do an audit and I'm down about 75% inventory wise from last year. Things are tight but stuff is trickling in in drips and drabs. Hit the chickfila on my way home for a sandwich and milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard. I'm done eating and getting ready to leave when I get the call.
ring ring
FC: go for FC
1: Mr Hayden sir, can I ask a favor of you?
FC: What up?
1: Got a guy who wants my scar 16 lined up but he has to pay on a credit card. Can you run it for me? You can take a card and cut me a check?
(It's 7PM on a friday night. I still need to pack for the show. By the time I get back it will be 9PM and I still need to shower and get a decent nights sleep. I'm a glutton for punishment)
FC: If you want to get it done tonight, have the guy call me. I'm eating dinner now and I'll head back if he calls me.
1: roger that, I'll pass along your info right now and let him know.
I do a few more emails from the laptop and say hi to the chickfila owner who was friends with my dad and buys guns from me. We chat for a bit and my phone does not ring. Now, gentle readers - I offered to head back at 730PM on a friday to get something done for someone as a favor to them. That should be worthy of "holy shit you are the man for coming back on your own time!" but this was not the case. No phone call means I didn't head back.
I head home, no phone call. Phone about to die. Plug it in and go into my garage and get all my gun show stuff sorted and loaded and organized. My normal display is 3 tables of merchandise stacked and racked on 2 tables. This show it's 1.5 tables of merchandise stretched out on 2 tables. Not good. My back is killing me. I get some ibuprofen and take a hot shower. Grab my phone off the charger. Bunch of missed calls, one email one VM. I return the VM.
1: Hey you must be having a good dinner at chickfila, we've been waiting here in the parking lot for the last hour!
FC: You have? Well, I didn't get a phone call. I'm home and in pajamas.
1: What? He didn't call you?
FC: Nope
1: HEY! YOU DIDN'T CALL HIM? Oh he says he just figured......
FC: No phone call means no turning around to go back to work. We'll deal with it next week.
1: Okay I'll tell him.
I'm a pretty easy to get along with guy. If you ask me a favor, I'll likely do it if it does not interfere with my life too badly. But if you ask me for a favor and you can't follow simple instructions, well then you're wasting your own time. That's no skin off my hide. Failure to follow simple directions on your part does not warrant my bad back bending over backwards to make it right. I climb into bed, I have to be up at 5AM to tank up at the truck stop, grab breakfast on the run and get to this show on the road.
Saturday, in the park. I think it was the fourth of july. People dancing, people laughing. A man selling ice cream. Singing Italian songs....
Showtime Saturday.
My back is stiffer than I'd like. I get down to the show and get loaded in and everything is set up looking spiffy. Not in my normal spot right by the loading dock, much to my chagrin. There's a line that's 1/4 mile long to get into the building. This shit is looking crazy.
Here's the deal, folks. The 4473 isn't hard. It does require attention to detail. Being in therapy with Dr Kaplan, I've learned a few things.
Old FC: Here's the clipboard, call me when you're done.
New FC: Here's the form, I'm guessing you haven't filled this out before. Start on line 9, read this carefully, 18A and 18B are two separate questions that both require answers, 21 L 2 is tricky, you need to read it ALL THE WAY TO THE END before you answer. Sign on 22, today's date on 23. STOP THERE.
With the new spiel, of the 7 forms I was handed on Saturday before noon - guess how many were filled out correctly? I'll make a break here to talk about the bullshit I had to do.
Show Hustler #1: I had a consignment mossberg built in new haven pre 1968. A guy wants to buy it and he's friends with Ray Dalio. Yes, the Ray Dalio. He tries getting me to knock $100 off but I tell him he's nuts. If he's FRIENDS WITH A BILLIONAIRE and lives in GREENWICH fucking Connecticut, you can pay my very fair asking price of about $350 on it. He relents and I give him a small discount and I give him the clipboard.
Show Hustler #2: I got a guy wanting to trade me a 44 Mag Black Desert Eagle for a Colt 1911 I have on the table. Prices are about the same. I tell him I'm not doing the work of selling two guns for the profit of one gun. He tells me I'm not selling two guns, I'm trading one and selling one. That's selling one gun! I explain two entries in my A/D book means I sell two guns, and it's easier for me to sell a NIB Colt than it is for me to sell a used Desert Eagle. Well the DE isn't used! It's unfired! It's brand new! If I didn't get it from a wholesaler, it's used. He says for me to think about it and he'll be at the show. I tell him I thought about it. He says yeah, ready to do an even trade? I say no, now I want your gun plus $1000. He calls me a clown and walks away.
Show Hustler #3: Over the road truck driver wants the FN 5.7 in FDE I have on consignment. Asks for a truck driver discount. He wants it for $1200. I've got it tagged at $1350. I tell him if he can fill out the form straight, no errors I write it at 1200. If there's an error, I write it for $1350. He says he just bought a brand new freightliner cascadia and money is tight. I tell him well we got a bet or what? He nods, I book the action.
Show Hustler #4: Guy wants my 509C. He wants to trade me for a NIB glock even up. I tell him there's no money to be made and selling a used glock gets me less money. BUT ITS NOT USED! ITS BRAND NEW! We go back and forth 9 times about how new does not mean what he thinks it means. I offer him $350 on his trade as credit knowing that $650 on a used glock in 45ACP is all the money right now. He calls me a cocksucker and walks away.
Okay, so 7 form 4473's with an explanation as to all the problem areas before noon on Saturday.....how many were filled out correctly?
If you answered zero, you are right! That means I won the 4473 bet. The 5.7 goes out at top dollar. Winner winner chicken dinner!
I head home and count my money. I need 9 more shows like this and I might finally be able to retire. On the way home I check web orders. Three guys in arkansas have ordered $900 22LR off my website at $150 a brick. I joke about my stash of 22LR being a brand new F350 platinum but at $150/brick that's rapidly becoming a reality.
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday is day 2 of the show. I stop at a local diner and grab corned beef hash and a short stack of pancakes for breakfast. Want to know how good a diner is? If there's real butter with the pancakes and not that bullshit country crock/margarine spread, you know things will be good.
There's butter. It's good.
A very nice Sig 229 in stainless in 9mm comes by from a guy who did business with me years ago. He traded me a Wilson CQB pistol for a Sig 226 and a Springfield Range Officer even up. I had maybe $1600 into that Wilson, I sold it for $2500 a few months later and tucked the money away. When my brother got married, our fucking gigantic family got together the night before the wedding and had dinner. I told him I'd cover it and he's like "are you sure?" and I said, how bad could it be? Not realizing his wife's family is a bunch of hungry alcoholics from cape cod who have never seen an open bar before and are total gluttons when someone else is buying. As it turns out, $2500 covered about half of the F&B, but he seemed appreciative.
Anyhow.
I sell nothing at the show all day and talk with the other dealers and swap stupid customer stories. I pack and head home and I've sold a good bit of stuff of mine and consignments. As I'm making my way out of the building, the wheel comes off the wagon.
This is not a euphemism. https://imgur.com/a/KY5vLCl
I pay off all my friends for their sales, and in the zelle memo field, I break down the transactions as such:
$69.69 - Anal Hook
$350 - Loch Ness Monster Poster
(whatever the balance was after bullshit, I can't remember) - this is from your real dad
I have lots of fun at this job sometimes.
It's just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. 'Cause that's my fun day.
Monday morning I get an email from the fellow who spent his friday night in the parking lot waiting for me. His email address leads me to believe he spent some time at Parris Island or San Diego, because who else uses semper fi in an email address name? He says he can be in after work at 1645 hours sharp and is just down the road. I tell him I'll get everything squared away for him, and I prep the 4473's on a clipboard and get everything set up.
Cleaning up files from the show, closing out 4473's. Down to 249 items in stock. 150 of them are lowers. This is not good. Must strike while irons are hot though. Gotta shear all the sheep while the wool is ready to harvest and prices are high. I have a bunch of personal ammo that will hit the market one POTUS says something stupid. That's not an if, that's a when.
Bunch of phone calls from people seeking 380 and cheap 9mm. I do my best charles bronson impression. "No dice." The emails accusing me of price gouging are fantastic. There's some other idiocy too. I won't post the whole ones but here's a few snippets from the butthurt and the unprepared as well as the idiotic.

I’m just looking for fmj for target practice. Nothing fancy. If you could do them for $400 a case of 1000 I can talk.

FC: I can get you $400/case on 1000 but it'll be foreign made non brass 9mm ammo.

Pretty much what your saying is no matter how much money I try to spend, you’re continuing your get rich quick prices. People like you are direct part of the problem. It’s one thing to make money and it’s another to try to high way rob people. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

FC: I can assure you that this isn't a get rich quick situation. I spent plenty of money investing in half a million rounds of ammo about FOUR years ago during the Trump slump and I'm just getting around to realizing profits now. I am not getting rich, nor am I doing it quickly. I hardly think that any investment that takes 4 years to realize a gain is quick.
(No response back)
Subject: Used Ruger 10/22
Message: I’ll give you 175 for it.
FC: Deal. Can you come by today?
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come by Tomorrow or Thursday.
(I try calling him. VM box is full)
FC: Great! Lets get it done. Your VM box is full. Tomorrow is better.
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come tomorrow but I only have 150 I can spend at the moment so I’ll probably wait a few days.
FC: What happened to " I’ll give you 175 for it." a few hours ago?
(new message, no subject)
Message: My bad dude. I have a kid I don’t know what to tell you. And I’m pretty sure I said Wednesday or Thursday. If you really want it gone that bad I don’t see what the big deal is.
FC: I was just expecting you to have $175 ready if you said you wanted to deal......So, will Wednesday or Thursday work this week? Bring me cash and your concealed.
(new message, no subject)
Message: No cwl. But you don’t need one for a private sale. I can have your cash.
FC: No CWL no sale.
(new message, no subject)
Message: Yeah I’ll pass. Good luck. You totally should have mentioned that at the start of negotiations.
FC: What part of my ad that said cash and concealed required was unclear?
Yeah. Fucking mondays.
1630 rolls around and our scar loving jarhead walks in. With his wife. And his children. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR little munchkins. All without an ipad and disney + streaming to keep them occupied. They're not bad kids, just curious at all the little things I have lying around like lower parts kits, magazines, AAC 51T mounts, stuff like that.
He hands over his ID. I look at the address. It's a city two and a half hours away.
FC: Uh, you're a long way from home.
USMC: Yeah I just moved. I'm putting my new address on this form if that's okay.
FC: You have anything with your new address on it? I can't do anything with ID that's not current.
USMC: It's not expired, it's current.
FC: Where do you live?
USMC: (names address locally)
FC: Then this is no longer current. I need something with your new local address on it.
USMC: Oh then I'll just use the old address on this form then.
FC: That's not acceptable. I need a current government document with your new address.
USMC: Here, I have activation orders and training orders from the army.
FC: That won't work. Government document with your new address.
USMC: Here's my W2 from the DOD.
FC: That's not a government document.
USMC: But the DOD gave it to me! It's FROM the department of defense, which is the government!
(Editors note: Did I mention that I hate mondays?)
sigh
FC: I can call ATF and ask......
USMC: Please do!
(I phone the ATF area supervisor on his cellular device)
ATF: Mr Hayden, how can I help you today?
FC: Barry, I got a funny one. Guy wants to use his DOD W2/activation orders to get his gun since that has his current address.
ATF: Why? Is there a reason he's unable to get an updated drivers license?
FC: That's a good question Barry, let me find out.
(FC puts ATF on speakerphone)
FC: Hey private first class, ATF wants to know why you didn't update your license
USMC: Uh because I've been busy
ATF: Sir, that's not an answer. I was in the military too and I had to change ID's just like you. If I can had to do it you have to do it.
(Barry was a very long time ago a RIO on the F4 Phantom)
USMC: But I have activation orders! and training orders! and a W2!
ATF: Get your license changed over or produce another document for the licensee to process your transaction.
FC: Thanks barry!
I hang up and tell him that's the area supervisor and I'm playing this one the way he tells me. He needs to produce a document compliant with ATF regulations for me to release this firearm.
USMC: Oh by the way there's a guy with my same name that robbed a bank in Detroit last year, I always get delayed anyways.
(sigh)
I type his stuff into the computer and I get a thumbs up from the computer instantly much to his amazement. I fire off a quick email to the guy who owns the scar
Subject: No current ID
Message: your jarhead friend who wants the scar does not have current ID

No deal? Or what's the plan?

My reply is interrupted. Their oldest child admires the batman dollar on my safe. The youngest child is incessantly clicking a spare pilot G2 pen I had on my desk.
Mother: If you click that pen ONE MORE TIME, you are WALKING HOME.
(kid puts the pen down)
Me, whispering to the kid: It's not that far.
(kid picks the pen back up)
Mother scowls at both of us.
I giggle.
I get back to email.
FC: Lets put it this way. You're gonna owe me for this one. Big time.
His wife starts pulling out auto registrations, USAA insurance cards, cable bills, etc with their new address - NONE of which are useful because none of them are government issued. She updates his and her drivers licenses online at the state website and gives me a voter registration printout confirming the update, but that's not a workable document since it's an informational update and not an actual registration.
Customer that owns the scar walks in and witnesses the flurry of kids playing with gun stuff and two grown ass adults trying to make it all work.
It's been 45 minutes of this.
The guy finally gives up and goes on the state website and gets a fishing license and emails it to me. Stacks a big stack of SCAR magazines that NOBODY has in stock to the order and I charge it onto his USAA mastercard. Had I returned to work on a Friday after hours to get an ID that wasn't current, I would have been apoplectic. Now, I'm just mildly annoyed. I can assure you that anyone who has walked through the hallowed halls of MCRD Parris Island should know to have their shit together. This just seemed like some hybrid of cluelessness more than it was an issue of stolen valor. Gun and mags go out the door.
My customer sits down and starts laughing. I look at him totally nonplussed.
1: That was easy, right?
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: An hour worth of work, for $50! That's good! you should do a few of those a day!
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: Really?
FC: You owe me.
I cut him his check and I'm done for the night. I head home.
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Tuesday
Another day, another box of 9mm at $75 each heading out the door.....I'm down to my last 15,000 rds of 9mm. I sold my entire personal stash of Remington UMC at $67 a box. Now that we're into the Federal American Eagle, it's up to $75. People are thanking me for having it available because they've called everywhere.
This morning's "no I don't have it" calls: 380ACP, 30-40 Krag, 6.5 CM, Grendel and Swede, 2.5" .410 slugs, 3 or 3.5" shells and turkey loads.
Now, for the uninitiated: Turkey season is around the corner. ALL the ammo for turkey loads have been purchased by new shooters looking for home defense ammo since last year. Why turkey loads for self defense? That's all the cabelas had....
Come season, there will be lots of very disappointed hunters who were unprepared. Those with ammo will hunt, those without ammo will hunt for ammo, and they will not be successful given the state of the ammunition markets. There is far more money to be made cranking out buckshot and slugs than there are turkey shells.
Package comes in for transfer. Guy has a NJ license. He's just moved here. Has NOTHING with his new address. This is basically a repeat of Monday's SCAR sale. The guy here is ADAMANT that he's bought a home here and he can purchase a firearm without being a state resident.
He's technically right. HOWEVER this is why dealers hate doing things: The gun and sale have to follow both the laws of the state he's in AND the state of New jersey. Now I have to run down all the bullshit that is NJ published ordnances to ensure that this gun is Phil Murphy(TM) approved. For the price of a transfer. BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
The gun is for a BUDDY of his he's giving it to him as a gift when he's down here for a fishing trip in a few days.
https://imgur.com/0cqL7vX
Read that last line.
Yeah. I tell him that it's unlawful for him to dispose of a firearm to a non resident. He's wondering what the fuck to do. He insists on taking delivery. I tell him I need to run it down with the address and everything since his NJ license isn't technically valid since HE NO LONGER LIVES THERE.
The guy bought a double wide trailer here, the trailer park handles all the water, the power, the etc - he does not have any REAL property here. He's insistent that he has a deed for his house. He's holding a bill of sale for a mobile home.
sigh
I tell him we should just get things sent to his friend via an FFL in his state. The guy lines up an FFL and I fedex the gun to the dealer up there. We need ONE UNIFORM SET OF COHESIVE COMMON SENSE GUN LAWS, not one federal set and 50+ subsections on a state level plus NY State HOME RULE BULLSHIT.
I head home early, telemedicine with Dr Kaplan. He's impressed with my progress. I'm not.
There are no songs that have Wednesday that I can think of here
Wednesday, Hump Day
I decide to work from home today. I can take all the phone calls and tell people no I don't have anything from home. I decide to do some early spring cleaning. It's a BEA-U-TIFUL day. The sun is out, nice weather means I can work in the garage for once. I start a load of laundry. Everything starts off fine. I'm sorting through old shot show HK posters when I can smell burning. There's no smoke but I do smell burning. Am I having a stroke? I can't figure it out and I get a load of laundry processed through my carbon neutral solar powered clothes drying system. I start another batch of laundry and hear a massive grinding noise when I should hear the washing machine washing. That burning smell? That was the timer burning up. And I have a full tub of underwear that needs to get done since I'm nearly out. Fuck.
My dad's old toolbox is in disarray. Mine isn't. I quickly grab a few tools. A snap on general service kit is totally overkill, but it's super nice to have EVERYTHING in one spot ready to go. My 1/4 drive ratchet takes apart my washing machine panel with ease. I unplug the timer and hit the electronic bay for a replacement. I find one 2 hours away and they say they can ship immediately on my fedex account. I can get it here tomorrow if they fedex ground it on todays truck. Deal, here's my amex. Email me tracking when it's sent.
One problem arisen, one problem in progress of being fixed. Not bad for before noon.
I get a bunch of stuff stacked up and straightened up and I throw a ton of stuff on facebook marketplace. Old Glock signs and point of sale merchandise like hanging ceiling mobiles, glock pencils, FN pads, FN hats, Daniel Defense stickers and patches, HK pistol racks, some old Colt and Beretta Blue boxes, all that stuff.
People message me about the Colt box. WHATS IN THE BOX they ask.
Well it's an empty fucking box. I made that VERY clear in the description. So what's my witty rejoinder? A youtube link to the scene from Seven with Brad Pitt yelling at Morgan Freeman "WHATS IN THE BOX? WHATS IN THE BOX?!?!!?!"
They are not amused. I think it's brilliant. They ask me what gun is for sale. I tell them it's just an empty box but if they want a gun, here's my info and call me at work during business hours. I'm then told that people selling empty boxes on facebook aren't selling empty boxes, they're selling guns.
This, I did not know.
Armed with this newfound information, I proceed to post more random stuff from my garage for sale in front of a pile of 20,000 rds of 9mm. An old kegerator and some bar equipment my dad had, a Miller Genuine Draft neon sign backdropped with 5 cases of Winchester Q4170 45ACP and 5 cases of CCI Lawman 147gr 9mm. The messages flood in looking to buy my stuff cheap. But I know what I got.
My favorite interaction:
1: hey man, you got anything else for sale?
FC: Tons of stuff for sale!
1: I'm looking for pews.
FC: I got pews, you want to stop by and check out my pews? I got some real nice ones, super nice. Only used on sunday!
1: Yeah man I'm leaving for lunch in 10 min, give me your address
FC: Sure thing! Here's me, be here in 30 minutes!
I continue to clean up my garage and I pull out some of my dad's old auction finds. Under about 200 old polynesian tiki mugs, I dust off some white oak church pews and pull them into the driveway. The guy tells me he wants to see the pews I got, and I point them out to him in the driveway. White oak, great shape - just needs some lemon pledge and they'll be good as new. He calls me a clown, gets in his car and drives off.
What's wrong with these people?
I return to find 254 facebook marketplace messages for people asking me to sell/ship them guns and ammo to all sorts of places and that facebook has suspended my account for violations of their marketplace terms. The offending item? An old Sig Sauer binder that has a P226 exploded diagram on the front. Because firearm parts are not allowed.
I manage to sell on facebook marketplace an old surefire incandescent rifle light, a blue colt mustang box, a few tin winchester ammo signs, some beer neons that belonged to my dad and some soft pistol rugs that I ordered from RSR on clearance. A productive wednesday. My haul nets me after facebook marketplace fees and shipping about $54 on the shipped items and a few hundred bucks in miscellany. I give my business cards to all the folks looking for gun stuff and they seem surprised that I still have ammo and that they've never heard of me. They do all their ammo and gun shopping online and don't do B&M. That's the way things will be in the future.
I head to the tex mex joint for dinner. I chat it up with a very cute blonde that is the manager. She's just moved into a new place after her man chated on her and she ditched that zero. I offer her my stack of bed bath and beyond coupons.
FC: Starting over is expensive. Maybe this will make it a little bit cheaper.
1: Oh my gosh this will save me a bunch of money! Here, your dinner is on me.
FC: It's been a long time since a woman has bought me dinner. Perhaps I should return that favor. Do you like firefighters?
(she cracks a big smile under the mask)
1: I do, but I'm talking to someone right now.
FC: I can see you ditched the zero, but if it does not work out and you want to get yourself a hero - I'm here pretty often. Just ask and I'll take you to dinner at your favorite place.
I manage to get rejected by a woman at the same time she bought me dinner.
That takes talent. I head home, pop some ibuprofen and head to bed. I check my email in bed. There's a tracking number.
PICKUP OCCOURED AFTER FEDEX CUTOFF FOR TODAY, PACKAGE WILL BE TENDERED THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY
You fucking clowns. You had one job. I call fedex and ask them to hold it at the facility 2 hours away. I'll grab it in the AM. They can't even find it. Fuck it. Leave it. I'll deal with it later.
Thursday, I don't care about you
Thursday, or FC makes a new friend!
I head into work a bit early today, as I'm driving down my street, I round the corner and see an older fellow wheeling his trash to the curb. This guy had a '99 Ford F250 extended cab 4x4 with the venerable 7.3 navistar in MINT condition for sale. 129,000 miles, parked in a garage 10 months out of the year. He wanted $16k for this truck and I figured he got tired of tire kickers and lowballs and kept it. I messaged him 3 days after the post went up and I never followed up, I knew the house since I've literally been driving past it MY ENTIRE LIFE on the way to elementary, middle, high school, college and now work.
My passenger window rolls down as I stop right next to the mailbox.
FC: You still got your F250?
1: No! That thing sold in one hour! To a dealer!
FC: Son of a bitch! I wanted that truck, I didn't even know you were selling!
1: Dealer came over in one hour, took a look at it, put cash on the hood, slapped a dealer tag on it and drove it out of here!
FC: Damn! I wish you put a sign on it and I would have stopped.
1: I told my wife I didn't want to sell it to a dealer but my garage isn't big enough!
FC: No kidding. Say, you still got your T bird?
1: My thunderbird? How'd you know I have a thunderbird?
FC: I grew up here! When I was in grade school I'd ride by and you were wrenching on it, when I was in high school, I'd see you wrenching on it from the bus and when I was in college I'd see you wrenching on it on my way home from class!
1: I spent 20 years building that car 2 weeks at a time! You wanna see it?
FC: Well, when you put it that way....
I pull off into the grass. He's got a detached 3500 square foot garage with Snap On's Mr Big not 1 but 2 ben pearson four post lifts. He shows me his thunderbird he's been working on for two decades. We get to talking. He's a commercial alaskan fisherman and he spends 10 months of the year in alaska and seattle running boats. Super nice guy. He asks me what I do for work, and I tell him. He tells me all his friends are scrambling for ammo and he didn't think it was that bad. I tell him it's been that way for about a year. He needs 00 buckshot, 8 or 9 pellet. I just got a small delivery. I tell him I can get him some. I give him my card and tell him call me this afternoon and I'll throw a few boxes in my briefcase and I'll deliver them on my way home. I'm asked about my watch, he's apparently a GMT man as well. We both like fords and stainless GMT's. Nice. He tells me the story about how he accidentally welded the band to his boat in the bering sea while doing repairs with a stick welder.
FC: What do you catch?
1: Pollock, cod
FC: long line?
1: No, trawler..... You know your commercial fishing.
FC: I know my customers.
Impressed at my substantial seafood knowledge, he tells me he'll call me after he checks his safe. I head into work and get some more stuff done.
I get a call from a referral. This guy was busted for selling pot and spent 8 months in miltary prison at Leavenworth. He's wondering if he can still own or have a gun with a bad conduct discharge. I'm not sure. I call my retinue and we agree that it's worthy of research and we should do a bar journal article about it. I love it when a plan comes together.
Doctor lady and her husband come in and their attorney has told them that without a trust, their silencer order will need to be approved by the CLEO of the region. This is why people hate lawyers. I get all their stuff drawn up as they requested with two trusts and interlocking responsible parties. Double the prints and plenty of passport photos all around.
Dead Air is behind on pistons and mounts, as usual but I'm assured by the big man in charge that they will be at wholesalers shortly. I'm so scrambled that I forget to charge her for two cans. No big deal, I'll email her and deal with it when I get her the mounts.
I have a facebook marketplace post up for an old Glock brand Pistol case and some glock brand ear pro. Here's the message:

Hi Will it's John from facebook marketplace I was looking at the glock bb gun and head phones will you show me a pic of the actually glock and does it have a clip and a slide,,??¿?? My old one did but I left it at my apartment I was sharing with friends but I miss having it lmk asap please and thanks sincerely Jeff K.

FC: Lets start here. 1. I don't sell Glock BB guns. 2. I don't have head phones. Were you only interested in BB guns?

Ya I was on Facebook marketplace looking for BB c02 pistols

sigh
I go truck shopping online. A guy has a 2011 F250 diesel for $24k. Except it's not a 2011. It's a 2001. I don't know what's more absurd, a 2011 at $24k, when average retail is a shade under $20k or a 20 year old truck selling for half of MSRP.
I'm ready to give up on this. Truck prices are stupid. I check my email. Timer in transit, Fedex has it en route.
I head home and pop a flexiril and head to sleep. The flexeril isn't fixing any of my muscles but manages to knock me the fuck out quite nicely. I need to be up early.
Just got paid, Friday night....
Friday, or FC vs The Washing Machine
As a kid, I always played with my dads toolbox. I took apart tons of stuff and had no idea how to put it back together. Some kids when they're in the tender years made birdhouses and small woodworking projects and it was super fun for them to pretend. Me? I took apart a 1 horse GE electric blower motor my dad short circuited on accident and made a pretend General Electric first generation boiling water nuclear reactor. Which was not really easy to do given the fact that the internet didn't exist in the early 90's. You had to have some modicum of imagination, and in that case your design was neither right nor wrong because nobody could easily prove your design accurate or otherwise. I had effectively built Schrodinger's BWR. I used different colored and sized tapcons and red heads for fuel/control rods if anyone was wondering. I think I can handle the washing machine. Just for good measure I put on my Cal Tech shirt.
As I warm up breakfast, I get an email from a guy named Eddie. He wants to see some 40S&W pistols. I tell him I have a busy morning. I can find some time for him around 10AM if he wants to stop by and I'll have what he's looking for ready.
My fedex guy stops at the Boeing facility first thing in the morning to drop off parts at the loading dock, I know his schedule so I pull up to the dock and hang out there waiting for him. Jeff is right on time and I snag my washer timer. No email back from Eddie so time to head back home to put everything back together. I'm in the middle of buttoning it up when I get a call.
Eddie is standing in my parking lot wanting to check out some 40S&W pistols I have in stock. I tell him all my available inventory on the website and that if he wanted me to have everything ready for him at 10AM, he should have given me an affirmative reply or a phone call. Right now, clean underwear is a priority and Eddie seems to understand this and he says he will chat with me later.
I head back to work. The entire parking lot smells like weed. There's a VW microbus parked on the far side of the lot and I'm downwind of it.
This is not a coincidence.
Wholesale rep tries to sell me $700 complete andersons again with a min order of 50. Pass.
I get a bunch of messages from other dealers looking to buy ammo off me and resell it to their customers at "reasonable" prices and I tell them they are fools for selling stuff cheap. They just don't get it and they'll be out of business soon.
I get a call from a guy wanting ammo. He wants all my 22LR. I tell him the price and he says "I can't make a profit selling it at those prices!"
This is the reason regular people can't buy ammo just FYI.
It's Friday again. I've got another gun show to prep for. New product just rolls in on the UPS truck. A few glocks, a few shields, and for some reason the rep sent me 5 sets of rear MBUS sights instead of 5 front and 5 rear. Ugh. I manage to get a small allocation of 9mm in on this truck as well as 11 boxes of 10mm! This year is looking better by the week!
I get several calls for AAC mounts that nobody has in stock and the owners are totally confused. One guy had a can and was selling a rifle and sold the ONLY mount he owned for that can to the guy buying his rifle for $200.
He was under the impression that you could just call AAC and order another mount for $112. I tell him if I can find what he's looking for, I'll need to buy it for $250 from someone and that it will sell for $350-500 by the time I mark it up. He's super confused as to why everyone is running out and buying AAC mounts and why they can't be ordered. I explain AAC/Remington's two bankruptices in 5 years. He is even more confused. I finally blurt it out.
You had ONE mount for your can. You sold it. There are no other mounts. You have paid a tax stamp for and own a can that YOU CAN NO LONGER MOUNT because you sold them. He now realizes the error of his ways. Nothing I can do about that.
Second guy tells me he sees I have AAC mounts. He needs one for his can. I ask him what model he has. He has to crack open the safe.
1: It's an Advanced Armament Corp Norcross Georgia
FC: That's the manufacturer......
1: It's a.........ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFF EFFF
FC: It's a what?
1: It says on the side ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFFF EFFFF
(Editors note: https://www.advanced-armament.com/assets/products/762-SDN-6.png )
FC: That's not the model.
1: It's not? Then what did I read to you?
FC: That's not a zero. That's the letter O.

1. The number O?

FC: O. As in Oh. ENNNN. Dash. Oh. EFFF EFF.
1: I'm confused.
FC: You just read the directions to take the can ON or OFF.
1: Huh that would explain the arrows wouldn't it......
FC: Yeah. What model do you have?
1: It's an MK13-SD!
FC: You need a 90T ratchet mount.
1: Great! You stock em, right?
FC: Nope.
1: But your website has some, those will work right?
FC: Unless you need 51T mounts, I can't help you.
1: Can you suggest someone that can? I need mounts.
FC: AAC is gone, these mounts may never be made again.
1: Shit.
Not to be out done, I get one more phone call.
1: hey this is brent, I need an AAC mount
FC: What model you got?
1: 7.62
FC: Right, thats the caliber.
1: RS7!
FC: SR7?
1: That's the one! I need an SR 7 mount in 5.56, the one I have is in 7.62
FC: Got four here. $400.
1: I just need one.
FC: That is for one.
1: WHAT? FOR ONE? Why's it so expensive?
FC: Remington went under. These may never be made again. I've been buying up everything I've been able to find so I can run the table.
1: That's a good business move.
FC: Not my first rodeo.
1: Well for $400 I'll just take a mount off a rifle I'm not using and I'll set that up. Thanks anyways.
(90 minutes later, my door swings open)
FC: What can I do for you?
1: I'm brent, we talked about that RS7 mount.
FC: SR7.
1: Whatever. I got this here and it does not even fit! It's for the wrong rifle! I need the right mount, this one is in 5.56 I need the one for the 7.62
FC: Lemme see what you got.
(Looks at package. AAC 90T TAPER MOUNT FH SR-5 5.56 1/2x28)
FC: What are you mounting this to?
1: AR15 in 223
FC: This is the correct mount.
1: No it's not! It does not fit!
FC: Does not fit barrel or can?
1: The can! I mounted it to the barrel and the can won't work! Need the one for the RS7!
FC: SR7
1: Whatever! I have a 7.62 can, this mount is for 5.56 and it's the wrong one.
FC: Who sold you this mount?
1: The gun store across the street from my house.
FC: You live an hour away, why didn't you go there?
1: I did, they don't have this mount in 7.62, I went there first.
FC: And they didn't explain this to you?
1: What is there to explain? This mount is marked 5.56. My can isn't 5.56. It's 7.62.
FC: Oh, so you want the one marked 7.62 in 1/2x28.
1: Exactly!
FC: 7.62 mounts aren't made in 1/2x28, all the 90T mounts are 90T exterior and the threading internally is different.
1: You're wrong.
FC: Please, argue with the guy wearing a caltech shirt.....
1: Prove it.
(I open his package and I grab an SR7 out of the safe. I press the latch down and thread it on)
1: You son of a bitch.
FC: You want to argue with me some more?
1: So what mount do I need?
(I pull out one of my mounts and show him side by side they're exactly the same)
1: Hmmmm. Okay. I must have done something wrong.
FC: There's not a lot of ways to do this wrong, but you found one. Go try it again.
(90 minutes later he calls back and tells me I was right)
What the fuck is with all the AAC people this week that are totally clueless?
But hey, at least I have clean underwear.

TLDR: I made myself a worksheet to calculate my cellphone costs and negotiate them down. Feel free to use it.
Canadians are notorious for complaining about high cellphone prices (and they are high), but I'm often baffled by how much Canadians are too shy to attempt negotiating prices down and stick to merely window-shop across carriers and end up accepting whatever's advertised.

• When I had to get a new phone, I figured how much TOTAL it would cost me over a 24 months period, with each low-cost carrier (Koodo, Virgin, Fido, Freedom Mobile, Chatr...). Once I had a clear picture, I asked how much any of these carriers would be willing to offer me as an extra discount to convince me to sign up with them.
  
• Turns out that Fido was willing to offer me a 25% discount for TWO YEARS if I committed to sign up to their (advertised at the time) $79/month 6 GB plan with $0 down on a $1050 phone. That discount represented $22.66 per month off my bill, or almost $544 more in my pocket spread over a two-years period. It's a LOT of money!
  

Now 23 months later with my phone nearly fully paid for, I have the freedom to go for BYOD plans, because there's no way I'd let them raise back my plan to $79/month after my two-years discount expires. So again, I calculate how much a 4GB plan would cost me over 24 months, since I don't actually need 6 GB.

• At this time Fizz was the best candidate for me at around 3 GB for $35 + a $50 referral bonus but a $10 SIM card fee, with a close second Freedom Mobile, $35 for 6GB and no SIM card fee, but only $25 referral bonus. It all led to $843.71 and $858.71 over 24 months respectively.
  
• But I still wanted to give Fido a chance. Could they offer better than their $40 a month for 4 GB advertised BYOD plan? They sure did. After calling and negotiating, they accepted to give me a $10 discount on their $40 plan, reducing it to only $30 for 4 GB, although for only 12 months. Still, EVEN IF I were to not renegotiate in 12 months to extend the discount (which I bet that I will), that'd mean $840 over 24 months - lower than Fizz, and with more data and a relatively more reliable network (Rogers' vs Videotron's) while giving me less of a headache by not switching carriers.
  

Long story short: Do the maths, and NEGOTIATE.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!!
Cheers!
PS: I live in Quebec

Part 85 here
Alright. Alright. Alright. Let's keep digging further into the rabbit hole of a weaponized simulation being used to manipulate societal behavior by the Technocrat Surveillance State.
First of all. PClick on the link. Take a look. This is what they call us. ZOMBIES Source Here

According to internal NSA documents seen by SPIEGEL, the NSA has focused on accessing smartphone data. In a secret presentation, the agency ironically uses an image from the iconic Apple Macintosh ad aired during 1984 Superbowl, which referenced the George Orwell book "1984." The presentation went on to show Steve Jobs as "Big Brother." The NSA documents indicate that the agency can access a wide variety of iPhone geolocation features and other data.The implication of the presentation is that iPhone users are somehow complicit in their own surveillance by buying iPhones in the first place.

And do you know what you can do with zombies? Click and drop them wherever you want and lead them to where you need them to be. Because zombies really aren't dangerous, despite all the entertainment showing otherwise. They're only dangerous of you don't control the environment around you. If you fall asleep at the wheel. Which is why they're running simulations with Sentient World Simulation and manipulating our behaviour. So how deep does the data gathering go? Really deep.

We're All In This Together

NSA whistleblower Drake says the problem is that both CSEC and the NSA lack proper oversight, and without it, they have morphed into runaway surveillance. "There is a clear and compelling danger to democracy in Canada by virtue of how far these secret surveillance operations have gone." Much of the document contains hyper-sensitive operational details which CBC News has chosen not to make public.Wesley Wark, a Canadian security and intelligence expert at the University of Ottawa, says the document makes it clear Canada can take advantage of its relatively benign image internationally to covertly amass a vast amount of information abroad. Source Here

So we're all part of the same team. The Five Eyes.
So think about it. USA. Canada. Britain. Australia. New Zealand. Our Governments collect all our data and then pump it into a simulation like SEAS, before letting an algorithm do it's thing and shape our incoming data to mold our behaviors. Proof? Sort of. Those massive data centers in Utah aren't there as decoration. We have proof of behavioural manipulating studies done by Facebook. And we also have proof of an extremely advanced simulation. This isn't a leap to say that they use this apparatus against us. Is it?

The NSA and GCHQ have traded recipes for various purposes such as grabbing location data and journey plans that are made when a target uses Google Maps, and vacuuming up address books, buddy lists, phone logs and geographic data embedded in photos posted on the mobile versions of numerous social networks such as Facebook, Flickr, LinkedIn, Twitter and other services. In a separate 20-page report dated 2012, GCHQ cited the popular smartphone game "Angry Birds" as an example of how an application could be used to extract user data. Taken together, such forms of data collection would allow the agencies to collect vital information about a user's life, including his or her home country, current location (through geolocation), age, gender, ZIP code, marital status, income, ethnicity, sexual orientation, education level, number of children, etc. A GCHQ document dated August 2012 provided details of the Squeaky Dolphin surveillance program, which enables GCHQ to conduct broad, real-time monitoring of various social media features and social media traffic such as YouTube video views, the Like button on Facebook, and Blogspot/Blogger visits without the knowledge or consent of the companies providing those social media features. The agency's "Squeaky Dolphin" program can collect, analyze and utilize YouTube, Facebook and Blogger data in specific situations in real time for analysis purposes. The program also collects the addresses from the billions of videos watched daily as well as some user information for analysis purposes.

Whelp. They sure are like an octopus with their tentacles in everything, aren't they? And I do mean everything, isn’t that right Bill get the jab Gates?
Why on earth would they need this data unless they were using it? They wouldn't. Now the problem becomes, how are they using it? Remember, they want to launch the Internet of Things so they can watch everything. Do you know who else watched everything? Jeffery Epstein.

Giuffre adds that Epstein had hidden cameras everywhere in his homes—massage rooms, bedrooms, showers, toilets. “Every single corner of that house was monitored,” she says. “He was watching everyone all the time. This was a blackmail scheme.… When he told me, ‘People owe me favors’ and ‘I will never get caught’ and ‘I can get away with things,’ he meant it.”

Ransome claims that she was raped by Epstein her first night on the island, and continued to be abused by him throughout the trip. With no way to leave, Ransome said that she even “tried to escape”—making her way to a remote part of the island. But Epstein found her “almost immediately.” Ransome said, “I knew then that I was being watched 24/7.” Source Here

That doesn't look good for living in a omnipresent surveillance state does it. And hey, didn't Jeffery hang out with Bill Gates quite a bit?

Microsoft handed the NSA access to encrypted messages • Secret files show scale of Silicon Valley co-operation on Prism • Outlook.com encryption unlocked even before official launch • • Skype worked to enable Prism collection of video calls • Company says it is legally compelled to comply • Material collected through Prism is routinely shared with the FBI and CIA, with one NSA document describing the program as a "team sport". Source Here

Yep. Birds a feather, as they say.
So the material is collected through Prism? So now when they say Prism, I'm pretty sure they mean to indicate a light source on one side and a rainbow coming out the other side, right? Makes sense, doesn't it? And a rainbow is a collection of colors. Hmmmm. I feel like I have a revolutionary thought coming on.
Color revolutions! You know, like the kind that swept the middle east. Isn't that funny? Not really, but you know what I mean. Because these guys love just making it obvious, don't they? Why? Because we're all a bunch of zombies, that's why!
And a funny thing happens when you start to dive into some of the revolutionary protests. You start to see a link between where China increases trade with a country, and right around the same time the protests spontaneously start up!
What a coincidence!
The Egyptian revolution of 2011, also known as the 25 January Revolution (Arabic: ثورة 25 يناير‎; Thawrat khamsa wa-ʿišrūn yanāyir),[21] started on 25 January 2011 and spread across Egypt.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egyptian_revolution_of_2011
Recognizing that the current trade volume heavily favors China, both sides committed to work to improve Egypt’s share of the balance of trade. The volume of Sino-Egyptian trade reached $8.8 billion in 2011, a 26% increase from 2010. Source Here
I'm only going to give one example, but there are more. These are color revolutions all right, but they're the color of money. Remember, the Sentient World Simulation can simulate over 60 countries at once, and that's what they're willing to tell us. How much do you want to bet the real capacity is beyond top secret?
And what happened in Russia and China im 2011?

The 2011 Chinese pro-democracy protests (simplified Chinese: 中国茉莉花革命; traditional Chinese: 中國茉莉花革命) or (simplified Chinese: 伟大的中华茉莉花革命; traditional Chinese: 偉大的中華茉莉花革命) refers to a series of minor public assemblies at some cities in China starting on 20 February 2011, inspired by and named after the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia and the wider Arab Spring.

The 2011–2013 Russian protests (which some English language media referred to as the Snow Revolution)[14] began in 2011 (as protests against the 2011 Russian legislative election results) and continued into 2012 and 2013. The protests were motivated by claims by Russian and foreign journalists, political activists and members of the public that the election process was flawed.[15] The Central Election Commission of Russia stated that only 11.5% of official reports of fraud could be confirmed as true.

Revolutions sure became popular all over the planet (and by planet I mean Africa, the Middle East, and Asia) all at once. Yep. They caught the Democracy Virus! They want FREEDOM! They want to be able to leave their countries...uhm, don't we get a lot of Chinese tourists over in North America? Strange. But isn't it a dictatorship that...you know what, never mind. FREEDOM!
Now if I'm right and they're using the internet to manipulate all of us based off of running simulations, it might just put a different spin as to why Russia and China have tried to block the internet into their countries. Just a thought. They wouldn't want their populations being manipulated, would they? Nope.

Beijing has not completely blacked out reporting on the uprising in Egypt. Instead, the Chinese government is funneling coverage of the protests through state-run television and the official Xinhua News Agency. However, the coverage that reaches Chinese citizens focuses primarily on the "lawlessness and anarchy" in Egypt's streets."What they are putting in the foreground is the chaos and the upheaval," Joerg Rudolph, a political scientist at the East Asian Institute of the University of Applied Sciences in Ludwigshafen, told Deutsche Welle. "This way they are showing that it's bad when these kinds of protests happen. We have to preserve stability. It's always the same. Stability has to be preserved and that's always the stability of the ruling elite in the country." Source Here

Oh. China has to preserve the stability of the ruling elite? Gotcha. Sure is a good thing that doesn't happen in North America! Could you imagine having controversial elections, rioting or protests, and then armed soldiers on the street! Thank goodness we have fact checks to save us from fake news!
Here's another strange thing about revolutions. They're all in the eye of the beholder. One man's Revolution is another man's Terrorism. Take Xinjiang and the Uighurs. I'm not saying they don't have re-education camps. They do. China admits it. I will say that I don't know how bad the situation is. But I will also say, middle eastern drones sure do have a lot of collateral damage, don't they? And North America is suddenly starting to get very concerned about domestic terrorism, aren't they? Wait. Isn’t that what China claims to be concerned about in Xinjiang as well? Hmmm. They must be worried about corporations like Apple and Nike being targeted.
Ok. Back on point. Simulations. The internet. Data. Shaping our perception. Molding our behaviors based on a computer program. They input data and then they output information for us to consume. Revolutions? Racial tensions? Apathy. The alarming mimicry online? Yeah. Simulations at work. And guess what? It's going to get worse. Because the more we become connected through the internet of things, the more data they receive, and the more data they receive, the better the simulations become, and the better the simulations become, the more they can exert their influence through programming us with content. It really is becoming very clear why they want 5G rolled out so quickly and why they have such a problem with Huawei, isn't it?
But at least our Surveillance Simulation State is only here for the benefit of Western Society. Right?

Snowden provided journalists at The Intercept with GCHQ documents regarding another secret program "Karma Police", calling itself "the world's biggest" data mining operation, formed to create profiles on every visible Internet user's browsing habits. By 2009 it had stored over 1.1 trillion web browsing sessions, and by 2012 was recording 50 billion sessions per day. The goal of the program, according to the documents, was "either (a) a web browsing profile for every visible user on the internet, or (b) a user profile for every visible website on the internet." *Karma Police was apparently named after the Radiohead song "Karma Police", which includes the lyric "This is what you’ll get when you mess with us". *

So just think. First the EMPLOYEES call us ZOMBIES, and then they use a song title that has the lyrics, THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH US. Charming. And then Bill Gates hands the data to the state. And Bill's old pal Epstien loved to use surveillance to find runaway victims to rape. And these are the guys who are funding scientists and research? Scary thought. And what's scarier? How about all the headlines about what the models are showing in regards to the pandemic. Because a model is simply another word for a simulation. And we have evidence for a massive simulation being run. And we have evidence for the Club of Rome simulation being the basis for our current climate crisis decision policies. And we don't need a simulation to start questioning the motives of people who are funding these operations.
Whistleblowers have warned us. We've listened. Now we have to start making other people listen. Because no matter what, the simulations aren't perfect and they can't account for every possible outcome. And that's what each and everyone us are, another possible outcome.
Go viral. Be an outcome.
More soon. Keep your head up and eyes open. Talk soon.

What up fart quaffers! I've got some truly mas puro retard shit for you guys to snort like a line of coarsely ground Adderall. So scooch your beanbags up and gather 'round my little dick strokers and bean flickers (see? I can be gender inclusive). Let's discuss why your uncle is more retarded than you and how you're gonna make money while he sends his social security checks to buy more tin foil.
First, let me say, if your illiterate ass isn't here for story time, just skip to the bottom. TL;DR and my positions are that'a'way.
So, by now many of you probably know that the 5G spectrums are up for auction. Verizon and T-Mobile (and to a lesser extent, AT&T -- because they is over-leveraged bitches) are gonna be throwing 90's money at it. Gonna make it rain like Jenna Jameson feature dancing at some vaporwave strip club in Tampa circa '97. Now, before you start jizzing all over your JNCO jeans, that's not the money we're after here. There's a bigger pot about to be busted out, and that, goons and goblins, is what we're aiming for.
You see, your Kool-aide drinking uncle is right about something: 5G is gonna be massive, and who the fuck cares if Bill gates is gonna use it to give us microchip suppositories while infecting us with the Rona. You'll live, and you'll make money while your uncle keeps shouting at clouds and chemtrails, poor and destitute. If only the bastard weren't as cruel as he is retarded, you might use those tendies to put him in a nice home for retards, somewhere warm, like Florida. He'd fit right in.
What's the difference between 4G and 5G? Fuck if I know, do I look like an electronics nerd? But I do know this: rather than building one big ass tower that covers a large area, 5G is gonna use a bunch of Christmas-tree sized towers and spread them over several city blocks. You hear that? What once was one tower, is now many. Is your retarded brain starting to piece this shit together? You know what you need to get all those towers and all that data talking to each other? Muthafucking switches. Yes, basically a shittier version of the router that's collecting dust while half-dangling off your desk. So, picture this, I'm sitting at the table in my crayon room, trying to force the square peg into the round hole, when I ask myself, "which cunt makes 5G switches?" Well, I put my big boy pants on and started looking at Chinese shit...emphasis on "shit".
You see, as a younger autist, I once lived in China. I even have a degree in their retarded ass laws (omfg, their constitution is such hot garbage, it's like someone put Trump tweets through a Communist formal language translator, seriously, if you're at all interested in law, go read it and laugh/weep) from one of their retarded universities. There are three facts that made me realize that China is not the answer to this.
1.) Chinese quality is fucking shit. I don't need no wumao apologists coming in here and telling me I'm wrong, because I'm not. Chinese craftsmanship is is like what you'd produce if I asked you personally to bake a 3-tiered cake, and then allowed you to frost it with Play-doh. Everything is about cutting corners and covering it up with plastic, it sucks. Look at Ze Germans, they're over there salting their pretzels with tears "because ze machine do not look sexy enough. Mutti whas rite, I am failure!" Meanwhile, in China, they're wiping their tears with fermented tofu because they can't put poison into powdered milk (you think I'm joking?!).

1. Not only is Chinese quality fucking shit, it's riddled with goddamn spyware. You know who is not gonna be cool with putting up a bunch-of Christmas tree-sized Chinese spies on every rooftop? Hopefully fucking everybody (well, except Saudi Arabia, we all know they'll just pay China to have a seat at the peepshow.). But for real, President Xi has dramatically failed to engage in the world in good faith. His predecessors were able to build good will and investment opportunities with the West, but ever since Xi took over, he's been pissing in Cheerios. Indiscretions won't be waved away as "aww, look at that little shithole trying to pull itself up by the bootstraps" anymore. Nah, we saw what happened with Huawei, and we saw China nationalize Jack Ma's shit. It's gonna go more in this direction under Xi, and Chinese supply, especially as it relates to data and information tech is only gonna be favored by jackboot cum guzzlers.
   
2. IT'S ALL FAKE GOVERNEMNT MANIPULATION. Let me tell you a story about my time in Poohland. You see, if you want to open your Retards'R'Us store in China, you gotta do the same bureaucratic bullshit like you do everywhere, file your paperwork and wait. But if you don't fucking offer a bribe, your ass is gonna go broke waiting. It's a goddamn institution. They got these stores, all they got inside is expensive whiskey and cartons of Marlboros that were made in 1987. No one ever buys from these stores because their prices are straight up ridiculous and who the fuck wants to smoke ciggies from back then, but yet, there they are. What purpose do they serve? Well, when you go turn in your business application, you swing by one of these stores, pick up a carton of Marlboros that Ronald Regan farted on and make your way to either a.) some dingy ass Soviet dystopia looking ass building or b.) some super fancy and slick building that's got welds so shitty it look's like they tried to do them with chopsticks. Either way, when you slide your application across the desk, slide that carton of Marlboros and whiskey too. You know what fuckface on the other side does with it? He goes right back to the goddamn store you were in 20 minutes ago and trades that shit for cash. You know what else happens? That store, and the thousands, if not millions, like it pump those numbers into the economic reports. Lord knows how much of their GDP is straight up due to corruption. I'm not even gonna begin to get into how the CCP manipulates markets and businesses, all you need to know is you can make a quick buck off Chinese shit, but ultimately, you're holding fake ass doo doo that "fell of the back of the truck".
   

Alright, so we veered a little off course there, but I say all that because I'm gonna make the case for my boy, ERIC. You see, ERIC is Swedish. Sweden isn't pissing in anyone's Cheerios, they're like the Canada of Europe. When you think Sweden, you think about a strange fascination with fermented fish, kinda creepy avant-garde movies, and fucking STACKED blonde bikini models. Take me to Valhalla, you Swedish valkyries...and sit on my face while you do it. Sweden is the guy at the rave dressed in khakis asking how your family is doing and making sure everyone gets home safely. Cool dude, skål! You know what you would trust this motherfucker to do? That's right you degenerates, you'd trust him to handle your fucking n00die pics. He won't judge, and he won't share. So let's go hang out with ERIC for a moment, he's got some meatballs and needs our help assembling flat-pack furniture.
You see, ERIC's been a busy lad. You old Millennials and young Gen-Xers might have even had a Sony-Ericcsson phone back when nobody knew what the fuck a Yu-Gi-Oh is. Sonny and ERIC dipped outta that scene when smartphones arrived and their bromance came to an end. But ERIC is a nerd for this shit. ERIC kept making comm tech when he wasn't too buys causing air traffic incidents with Surströmming. You know what his hard work got him? Fucking becoming a pioneer in 5G tech. As far as I'm aware, ERIC is the only muthafucka to have his shit on 4 continents (so far). ERIC got in this door early, and unlike that Chinese shit, it's good fucking quality and not trying to exploit you. Furthermore, EU is gonna love supporting one of their own, especially after Xi been pissing in Mama Merkel's Cheerios. America too is gonna start being more suspicious of China, we've seen it happen, but fucking ERIC? ERIC's cool man, he ain't pissing in our Cheerios, we ain't got beef with him handling data. Our drunk girlfriend tried to hook up with him, but he just took her to get some Mickey D's. Class fucking act, real stand-up dude.
But alright, we know ERIC is cool, and that he isn't gonna threaten to send our dick pic collection to our mamas. We know that ERIC has been making something that is about to be in high-demand, and that he is quite good at it. We also know he has been busy getting his product out across the world ahead of his competitors, and that his biggest competitors produce snitch-ass dogshit.
Yeah, just swiping through WSB Tinder, ERIC looking kinda juicy. Let's see what his bio says. Oh shit dawgs, are you seeing these charts? That steady growth. Look at how that sonuvabitch just shrugged off COVID and kept going all viking on his shit. Not only did ERIC shrug off COVID, he fucking feasted on it. Look at that jävel make his money. And what's this? The motherfucker is integrating automated drone corridors with his tech? He's raising his long-term EBITDA margins? He's out here acquiring businesses? Shit, that muthafucking Swede been a busy ass bee.
Now, you may be wondering, if ERIC is so great, what about NOK? And yeah, NOK isn't a terrible idea either, they also have some good news on their side and are a bit undervalued as well. If you wanted to take a bite of NOK, you probably won't get diarrhea, might even shit some gold. I dunno, I'm still looking into it, but I like ERIC better.
But here is the part I want you to really look at: the fucking call prices. Cheddar Cheesus of Wisconsin! That's some muthafucking value on a goddamn motherfucker leading the game! Goddamn Buddha going down on Shakira in the Alps! If you don't make money on this, you're fucking hopeless.
So yeah, there you have it, ERIC is the fucking man. He's got a good product, is ahead of the game in rolling it out, has geo-political tailwinds, solid and steady growth, and his only opposition is your retarded uncle and his looney-toons conspiracies. So this is the part where you tell him to go whistle on a dick because you're making money off the switches that ensure that the camgirl you've been simping for sees your little dick 150 miliseconds faster. 5G is coming, and someone's gotta make the hardware for it, why not ERIC?
​
TL;DR Chinese shit is shit. ERIC is cool. You should give your money to ERIC
​
ERIC shares
ERIC Jan 2023 $12c
​
P.S. I'm putting this at the bottom because I already know my inbox will be full of: "Is Jan 15 a good call date?" No motherfucker! The telecomms are just now bidding on the spectrums. I have no fucking clue when they'll actually start putting up the goddamn towers, if I did, I sure as shit wouldn't be giving that info out for free. But I do know it won't happen over night. If you wanna be retarded, go play a meme stock, this shit is for autists. No rocket emojis here. So when is a good date for calls? Fuck if I know. Noticed I bought fucking leaps? Yeah, you might wanna do the same (they're dirt cheap), but I tend to think anything expiring in June-Sept and beyond is a safe bet. Totally your call based on your own risk tolerance.
​
Anyway, if you see my boy ERIC, just ignore the pungent smell of fermented fish.

NEW INFO 5 Results from share redemption are posted. Less than .2% redeemed. Very bullish as investors are showing extreme confidence in the future of PLBY.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/playboy-mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-120000721.html
NEW INFO 4 Definitive Agreement to purchase 100% of Lovers brand stores announced 2/1.
https://www.streetinsider.com/Corporate+News/Playboy+%28MCAC%29+Confirms+Deal+to+Acquire+Lovers/17892359.html
NEW INFO 3 I bought more on the dip today. 5081 total. Price rose AH to $12.38 (2.15%)
NEW INFO 2 Here is the full webinar.
https://icrinc.zoom.us/rec/play/9GWKdmOYumjWfZuufW3QXpe_FW_g--qeNbg6PnTjTMbnNTgLmCbWjeRFpQga1iPc-elpGap8dnDv8Zww.yD7DjUwuPmapeEdP?continueMode=true&tk=lEYc4F_FkKlgsmCIs6w0gtGHT2kbgVGbUju3cIRBSjk.DQIAAAAV8NK49xZWdldRM2xNSFNQcTBmcE00UzM3bXh3AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA&uuid=WN_GKWqbHkeSyuWetJmLFkj4g&_x_zm_rtaid=kR45-uuqRE-L65AxLjpbQw.1611967079119.2c054e3d3f8d8e63339273d9175939ed&_x_zm_rhtaid=866
NEW INFO 1 Live merger webinar with PLBY and MCAC on Friday January 29, 2021 at 12:00 NOON EST link below
https://mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/press-release-details/2021/Playboy-Enterprises-Inc.-and-Mountain-Crest-Acquisition-Corp-Participate-in-SPACInsider-ICR-Webinar-on-January-29th-at-12pm-ET/default.aspx
Playboy going public: Porn, Gambling, and Cannabis
!!!WARNING READING AHEAD!!! TL;DR at the end. It will take some time to sort through all the links and read/watch everything, but you should.
In the next couple weeks, Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp is taking Playboy public. The existing ticker MCAC will become PLBY. Special purpose acquisition companies have taken private companies public in recent months with great success. I believe this will be no exception. Notably, Playboy is profitable and has skyrocketing revenue going into a transformational growth phase.
Porn - First and foremost, let's talk about porn. I know what you guys are thinking. “Porno mags are dead. Why would I want to invest in something like that? I can get porn for free online.” Guess what? You are absolutely right. And that’s exactly why Playboy doesn’t do that anymore. That’s right, they eliminated their print division. And yet they somehow STILL make money from porn that people (see: boomers) pay for on their website through PlayboyTV, Playboy Plus, and iPlayboy. Here’s the thing: Playboy has international, multi-generational name recognition from porn. They have content available in 180 countries. It will be the only publicly traded adult entertainment (porn) company. But that is not where this company is going. It will help support them along the way. You can see every Playboy magazine through iPlayboy if you’re interested. NSFW links below:
https://www.playboy.com/
https://www.playboytv.com/
https://www.playboyplus.com/
https://www.iplayboy.com/
Gambling - Some of you might recognize the Playboy brand from gambling trips to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Cancun, London or Macau. They’ve been in the gambling biz for decades through their casinos, clubs, and licensed gaming products. They see the writing on the wall. COVID is accelerating the transition to digital, application based GAMBLING. That’s right. What we are doing on Robinhood with risky options is gambling, and the only reason regulators might give a shit anymore is because we are making too much money. There may be some restrictions put in place, but gambling from your phone on your couch is not going anywhere. More and more states are allowing things like Draftkings, poker, state ‘lottery” apps, hell - even political betting. Michigan and Virginia just ok’d gambling apps. They won’t be the last. This is all from your couch and any 18 year old with a cracked iphone can access it. Wouldn’t it be cool if Playboy was going to do something like that? They’re already working on it. As per CEO Ben Kohn who we will get to later, “...the company’s casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth.” Honestly, I stopped researching Scientific Games' sports betting segment when I saw the word ‘omni-channel’. That told me all I needed to know about it’s success.
“Our SG Sports™ platform is an enhanced, omni-channel solution for online, self-service and retail fixed odds sports betting – from soccer to tennis, basketball, football, baseball, hockey, motor sports, racing and more.”
https://www.scientificgames.com/
https://www.microgaming.co.uk/
“This latter segment has become increasingly enticing for Playboy, and it said last week that it is considering new tie-ups that could include gaming operators like PointsBet and 888Holdings.”
https://calvinayre.com/2020/10/05/business/playboys-gaming-ops-could-get-a-boost-from-spac-purchase/
As per their SEC filing:
“Significant consumer engagement and spend with Playboy-branded gaming properties around the world, including with leading partners such as Microgaming, Scientific Games, and Caesar’s Entertainment, steers our investment in digital gaming, sports betting and other digital offerings to further support our commercial strategy to expand consumer spend with minimal marginal cost, and gain consumer data to inform go-to-market plans across categories.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tMDAA1
They are expanding into more areas of gaming/gambling, working with international players in the digital gaming/gambling arena, and a Playboy sportsbook is on the horizon.
https://www.playboy.com/read/the-pleasure-of-playing-with-yourself-mobile-gaming-in-the-covid-era
Cannabis - If you’ve ever read through a Playboy magazine, you know they’ve had a positive relationship with cannabis for many years. As of September 2020, Playboy has made a major shift into the cannabis space. Too good to be true you say? Check their website. Playboy currently sells a range of CBD products. This is a good sign. Federal hemp products, which these most likely are, can be mailed across state lines and most importantly for a company like Playboy, can operate through a traditional banking institution. CBD products are usually the first step towards the cannabis space for large companies. Playboy didn’t make these products themselves meaning they are working with a processor in the cannabis industry. Another good sign for future expansion. What else do they have for sale? Pipes, grinders, ashtrays, rolling trays, joint holders. Hmm. Ok. So it looks like they want to sell some shit. They probably don’t have an active interest in cannabis right? Think again:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/09/24/playboy-gets-serious-about-cannabis-law-reform-advocacy-with-new-partnership-grants/?sh=62f044a65cea
“Taking yet another step into the cannabis space, Playboy will be announcing later on Thursday (September, 2020) that it is launching a cannabis law reform and advocacy campaign in partnership with National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), Last Prisoner Project, Marijuana Policy Project, the Veterans Cannabis Project, and the Eaze Momentum Program.”
“According to information procured exclusively, the three-pronged campaign will focus on calling for federal legalization. The program also includes the creation of a mentorship plan, through which the Playboy Foundation will support entrepreneurs from groups that are underrepresented in the industry.” Remember that CEO Kohn from earlier? He wrote this recently:
https://medium.com/naked-open-letters-from-playboy/congress-must-pass-the-more-act-c867c35239ae
Seems like he really wants weed to be legal? Hmm wonder why? The writing's on the wall my friends. Playboy wants into the cannabis industry, they are making steps towards this end, and we have favorable conditions for legislative progress.
Don’t think branding your own cannabis line is profitable or worthwhile? Tell me why these 41 celebrity millionaires and billionaires are dummies. I’ll wait.
https://www.celebstoner.com/news/celebstoner-news/2019/07/12/top-celebrity-cannabis-brands/
Confirmation: I hear you. “This all seems pretty speculative. It would be wildly profitable if they pull this shift off. But how do we really know?” Watch this whole video:
https://finance.yahoo.com/video/playboy-ceo-telling-story-female-154907068.html
Man - this interview just gets my juices flowing. And highlights one of my favorite reasons for this play. They have so many different business avenues from which a catalyst could appear. I think paying attention, holding shares, and options on these staggered announcements over the next year is the way I am going to go about it. "There's definitely been a shift to direct-to-consumer," he (Kohn) said. "About 50 percent of our revenue today is direct-to-consumer, and that will continue to grow going forward.” “Kohn touted Playboy's portfolio of both digital and consumer products, with casino-style gaming, in particular, serving a crucial role under the company's new business model. Playboy also has its sights on the emerging cannabis market, from CBD products to marijuana products geared toward sexual health and pleasure.” "If THC does become legal in the United States, we have developed certain strains to enhance your sex life that we will launch," Kohn said. https://cheddar.com/media/playboy-goes-public-health-gaming-lifestyle-focus Oh? The CEO actually said it? Ok then. “We have developed certain strains…” They’re already working with growers on strains and genetics? Ok. There are several legal cannabis markets for those products right now, international and stateside. I expect Playboy licensed hemp and THC pre-rolls by EOY. Something like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/842996758/10-playboy-pre-roll-tubes-limited?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pre+roll+playboy&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1 Maintaining cannabis operations can be costly and a regulatory headache. Playboy’s licensing strategy allows them to pick successful, established partners and sidestep traditional barriers to entry. You know what I like about these new markets? They’re expanding. Worldwide. And they are going to be a bigger deal than they already are with or without Playboy. Who thinks weed and gambling are going away? Too many people like that stuff. These are easy markets. And Playboy is early enough to carve out their spot in each. Fuck it, read this too: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jimosman/2020/10/20/playboy-could-be-the-king-of-spacs-here-are-three-picks/?sh=2e13dcaa3e05
Numbers: You want numbers? I got numbers. As per the company’s most recent SEC filing:
“For the year ended December 31, 2019, and the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s historical consolidated revenue was $78.1 million and $101.3 million, respectively, historical consolidated net income (loss) was $(23.6) million and $(4.8) million, respectively, and Adjusted EBITDA was $13.1 million and $21.8 million, respectively.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Licensing segment contributed $44.2 million in revenue and $31.1 million in net income.”
“In the ninth months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Direct-to-Consumer segment contributed $40.2 million in revenue and net income of $0.1 million.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Digital Subscriptions and Content segment contributed $15.4 million in revenue and net income of $7.4 million.”
They are profitable across all three of their current business segments.
“Playboy’s return to the public markets presents a transformed, streamlined and high-growth business. The Company has over $400 million in cash flows contracted through 2029, sexual wellness products available for sale online and in over 10,000 major retail stores in the US, and a growing variety of clothing and branded lifestyle and digital gaming products.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
Growth: Playboy has massive growth in China and massive growth potential in India. “In China, where Playboy has spent more than 25 years building its business, our licensees have an enormous footprint of nearly 2,500 brick and mortar stores and 1,000 ecommerce stores selling high quality, Playboy-branded men’s casual wear, shoes/footwear, sleepwear, swimwear, formal suits, leather & non-leather goods, sweaters, active wear, and accessories. We have achieved significant growth in China licensing revenues over the past several years in partnership with strong licensees and high-quality manufacturers, and we are planning for increased growth through updates to our men’s fashion lines and expansion into adjacent categories in men’s skincare and grooming, sexual wellness, and women’s fashion, a category where recent launches have been well received.” The men’s market in China is about the same size as the entire population of the United States and European Union combined. Playboy is a leading brand in this market. They are expanding into the women’s market too. Did you know CBD toothpaste is huge in China? China loves CBD products and has hemp fields that dwarf those in the US. If Playboy expands their CBD line China it will be huge. Did you know the gambling money in Macau absolutely puts Las Vegas to shame? Technically, it's illegal on the mainland, but in reality, there is a lot of gambling going on in China. https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/10/19/magic-johnson-and-uncle-buds-cbd-brand-enter-china-via-tmall-partnership/?sh=271776ca411e “In India, Playboy today has a presence through select apparel licensees and hospitality establishments. Consumer research suggests significant growth opportunities in the territory with Playboy’s brand and categories of focus.” “Playboy Enterprises has announced the expansion of its global consumer products business into India as part of a partnership with Jay Jay Iconic Brands, a leading fashion and lifestyle Company in India.” “The Indian market today is dominated by consumers under the age of 35, who represent more than 65 percent of the country’s total population and are driving India’s significant online shopping growth. The Playboy brand’s core values of playfulness and exploration resonate strongly with the expressed desires of today’s younger millennial consumers. For us, Playboy was the perfect fit.” “The Playboy international portfolio has been flourishing for more than 25 years in several South Asian markets such as China and Japan. In particular, it has strategically targeted the millennial and gen-Z audiences across categories such as apparel, footwear, home textiles, eyewear and watches.” https://www.licenseglobal.com/industry-news/playboy-expands-global-footprint-india It looks like they gave COVID the heisman in terms of net damage sustained: “Although Playboy has not suffered any material adverse consequences to date from the COVID-19 pandemic, the business has been impacted both negatively and positively. The remote working and stay-at-home orders resulted in the closure of the London Playboy Club and retail stores of Playboy’s licensees, decreasing licensing revenues in the second quarter, as well as causing supply chain disruption and less efficient product development thereby slowing the launch of new products. However, these negative impacts were offset by an increase in Yandy’s direct-to-consumer sales, which have benefited in part from overall increases in online retail sales so far during the pandemic.” Looks like the positives are long term (Yandy acquisition) and the negatives are temporary (stay-at-home orders).
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921006093/tm213766-1_defa14a.htm
This speaks to their ability to maintain a financially solvent company throughout the transition phase to the aforementioned areas. They’d say some fancy shit like “expanded business model to encompass four key revenue streams: Sexual Wellness, Style & Apparel, Gaming & Lifestyle, and Beauty & Grooming.” I hear “we’re just biding our time with these trinkets until those dollar dollar bill y’all markets are fully up and running.” But the truth is these existing revenue streams are profitable, scalable, and rapidly expanding Playboy’s e-commerce segment around the world.
"Even in the face of COVID this year, we've been able to grow EBITDA over 100 percent and revenue over 68 percent, and I expect that to accelerate going into 2021," he said. “Playboy is accelerating its growth in company-owned and branded consumer products in attractive and expanding markets in which it has a proven history of brand affinity and consumer spend.”
Also in the SEC filing, the Time Frame:
“As we detailed in the definitive proxy statement, the SPAC stockholder meeting to vote on the transaction has been set for February 9th, and, subject to stockholder approval and satisfaction of the other closing conditions, we expect to complete the merger and begin trading on NASDAQ under ticker PLBY shortly thereafter,” concluded Kohn.
The Players: Suhail “The Whale” Rizvi (HMFIC), Ben “The Bridge” Kohn (CEO), “lil” Suying Liu & “Big” Dong Liu (Young-gun China gang). I encourage you to look these folks up. The real OG here is Suhail Rizvi. He’s from India originally and Chairman of the Board for the new PLBY company. He was an early investor in Twitter, Square, Facebook and others. His firm, Rizvi Traverse, currently invests in Instacart, Pinterest, Snapchat, Playboy, and SpaceX. Maybe you’ve heard of them. “Rizvi, who owns a sprawling three-home compound in Greenwich, Connecticut, and a 1.65-acre estate in Palm Beach, Florida, near Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg, moved to Iowa Falls when he was five. His father was a professor of psychology at Iowa. Along with his older brother Ashraf, a hedge fund manager, Rizvi graduated from Wharton business school.” “Suhail Rizvi: the 47-year-old 'unsocial' social media baron: When Twitter goes public in the coming weeks (2013), one of the biggest winners will be a 47-year-old financier who guards his secrecy so zealously that he employs a person to take down his Wikipedia entry and scrub his photos from the internet. In IPO, Twitter seeks to be 'anti-FB'” “Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia looks like a big Twitter winner. So do the moneyed clients of Jamie Dimon. But as you’ve-got-to-be-joking wealth washed over Twitter on Thursday — a company that didn’t exist eight years ago was worth $31.7 billion after its first day on the stock market — the non-boldface name of the moment is Suhail R. Rizvi. Mr. Rizvi, 47, runs a private investment company that is the largest outside investor in Twitter with a 15.6 percent stake worth $3.8 billion at the end of trading on Thursday (November, 2013). Using a web of connections in the tech industry and in finance, as well as a hearty dose of good timing, he brought many prominent names in at the ground floor, including the Saudi prince and some of JPMorgan’s wealthiest clients.” https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/08/technology/at-twitter-working-behind-the-scenes-toward-a-billion-dollar-payday.html Y’all like that Arab money? How about a dude that can call up Saudi Princes and convince them to spend? Funniest shit about I read about him: “Rizvi was able to buy only $100 million in Facebook shortly before its IPO, thus limiting his returns, according to people with knowledge of the matter.” Poor guy :(
He should be fine with the 16 million PLBY shares he's going to have though :)
Shuhail also has experience in the entertainment industry. He’s invested in companies like SESAC, ICM, and Summit Entertainment. He’s got Hollywood connections to blast this stuff post-merger. And he’s at least partially responsible for that whole Twilight thing. I’m team Edward btw.
I really like what Suhail has done so far. He’s lurked in the shadows while Kohn is consolidating the company, trimming the fat, making Playboy profitable, and aiming the ship at modern growing markets.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-twitter-ipo-rizvi-insight/insight-little-known-hollywood-investor-poised-to-score-with-twitter-ipo-idUSBRE9920VW20131003
Ben “The Bridge” Kohn is an interesting guy. He’s the connection between Rizvi Traverse and Playboy. He’s both CEO of Playboy and was previously Managing Partner at Rizvi Traverse. Ben seems to be the voice of the Playboy-Rizvi partnership, which makes sense with Suhail’s privacy concerns. Kohn said this:
“Today is a very big day for all of us at Playboy and for all our partners globally. I stepped into the CEO role at Playboy in 2017 because I saw the biggest opportunity of my career. Playboy is a brand and platform that could not be replicated today. It has massive global reach, with more than $3B of global consumer spend and products sold in over 180 countries. Our mission – to create a culture where all people can pursue pleasure – is rooted in our 67-year history and creates a clear focus for our business and role we play in people’s lives, providing them with the products, services and experiences that create a lifestyle of pleasure. We are taking this step into the public markets because the committed capital will enable us to accelerate our product development and go-to-market strategies and to more rapidly build our direct to consumer capabilities,” said Ben Kohn, CEO of Playboy.
“Playboy today is a highly profitable commerce business with a total addressable market projected in the trillions of dollars,” Mr. Kohn continued, “We are actively selling into the Sexual Wellness consumer category, projected to be approximately $400 billion in size by 2024, where our recently launched intimacy products have rolled out to more than 10,000 stores at major US retailers in the United States. Combined with our owned & operated ecommerce Sexual Wellness initiatives, the category will contribute more than 40% of our revenue this year. In our Apparel and Beauty categories, our collaborations with high-end fashion brands including Missguided and PacSun are projected to achieve over $50M in retail sales across the US and UK this year, our leading men’s apparel lines in China expanded to nearly 2500 brick and mortar stores and almost 1000 digital stores, and our new men’s and women’s fragrance line recently launched in Europe. In Gaming, our casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth. Our product strategy is informed by years of consumer data as we actively expand from a purely licensing model into owning and operating key high-growth product lines focused on driving profitability and consumer lifetime value. We are thrilled about the future of Playboy. Our foundation has been set to drive further growth and margin, and with the committed capital from this transaction and our more than $180M in NOLs, we will take advantage of the opportunity in front of us, building to our goal of $100M of adjusted EBITDA in 2025.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
Also, according to their Form 4s, “Big” Dong Liu and “lil” Suying Liu just loaded up with shares last week. These guys are brothers and seem like the Chinese market connection. They are only 32 & 35 years old. I don’t even know what that means, but it's provocative.
https://www.secform4.com/insider-trading/1832415.htm
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-ii-002600994.html
Y’all like that China money?
“Mr. Liu has been the Chief Financial Officer of Dongguan Zhishang Photoelectric Technology Co., Ltd., a regional designer, manufacturer and distributor of LED lights serving commercial customers throughout Southern China since November 2016, at which time he led a syndicate of investments into the firm. Mr. Liu has since overseen the financials of Dongguan Zhishang as well as provided strategic guidance to its board of directors, advising on operational efficiency and cash flow performance. From March 2010 to October 2016, Mr. Liu was the Head of Finance at Feidiao Electrical Group Co., Ltd., a leading Chinese manufacturer of electrical outlets headquartered in Shanghai and with businesses in the greater China region as well as Europe.”
Dr. Suying Liu, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp., commented, “Playboy is a unique and compelling investment opportunity, with one of the world’s largest and most recognized brands, its proven consumer affinity and spend, and its enormous future growth potential in its four product segments and new and existing geographic regions. I am thrilled to be partnering with Ben and his exceptional team to bring his vision to fruition.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
These guys are good. They have a proven track record of success across multiple industries. Connections and money run deep with all of these guys. I don’t think they’re in the game to lose.
I was going to write a couple more paragraphs about why you should have a look at this but really the best thing you can do is read this SEC filing from a couple days ago. It explains the situation in far better detail. Specifically, look to page 137 and read through their strategy. Also, look at their ownership percentages and compensation plans including the stock options and their prices. The financials look great, revenue is up 90% Q3, and it looks like a bright future.
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
I’m hesitant to attach this because his position seems short term, but I’m going to with a warning because he does hit on some good points (two are below his link) and he’s got a sizable position in this thing (500k+ on margin, I think). I don’t know this guy but he did look at the same publicly available info and make roughly the same prediction, albeit without the in depth gambling or cannabis mention. You can also search reddit for ‘MCAC’ and very few relevant results come up and none of them even come close to really looking at this thing.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gOvAd6lebs452hFlWWbxVjQ3VMsjGBkbJeXRwDwIJfM/edit?usp=sharing
“Also, before you people start making claims that Playboy is a “boomer” company, STOP RIGHT THERE. This is not a good argument. Simply put. The only thing that matters is Playboy’s name recognition, not their archaic business model which doesn’t even exist anymore as they have completely repurposed their business.”
“Imagine not buying $MCAC at a 400M valuation lol. Streetwear department is worth 1B alone imo.”
Considering the ridiculous Chinese growth as a lifestyle brand, he’s not wrong.
Current Cultural Significance and Meme Value: A year ago I wouldn’t have included this section but the events from the last several weeks (even going back to tsla) have proven that a company’s ability to meme and/or gain social network popularity can have an effect. Tik-tok, Snapchat, Twitch, Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter. They all have Playboy stuff on them. Kids in middle and highschool know what Playboy is but will likely never see or touch one of the magazines in person. They’ll have a Playboy hoodie though. Crazy huh? A lot like GME, PLBY would hugely benefit from meme-value stock interest to drive engagement towards their new business model while also building strategic coffers. This interest may not directly and/or significantly move the stock price but can generate significant interest from larger players who will.
Bull Case: The year is 2025. Playboy is now the world leader pleasure brand. They began by offering Playboy licensed gaming products, including gambling products, direct to consumers through existing names. By 2022, demand has skyrocketed and Playboy has designed and released their own gambling platforms. In 2025, they are also a leading cannabis brand in the United States and Canada with proprietary strains and products geared towards sexual wellness. Cannabis was legalized in the US in 2023 when President Biden got glaucoma but had success with cannabis treatment. He personally pushes for cannabis legalization as he steps out of office after his first term. Playboy has also grown their brand in China and India to multi-billion per year markets. The stock goes up from 11ish to 100ish and everyone makes big gains buying somewhere along the way.
Bear Case: The United States does a complete 180 on marijuana and gambling. President Biden overdoses on marijuana in the Lincoln bedroom when his FDs go tits up and he loses a ton of money in his sports book app after the Fighting Blue Hens narrowly lose the National Championship to Bama. Playboy is unable to expand their cannabis and gambling brands but still does well with their worldwide lifestyle brand. They gain and lose some interest in China and India but the markets are too large to ignore them completely. The stock goes up from 11ish to 13ish and everyone makes 15-20% gains.
TL;DR: Successful technology/e-commerce investment firm took over Playboy to turn it into a porn, online gambling/gaming, sports book, cannabis company, worldwide lifestyle brand that promotes sexual wellness, vetern access, women-ownership, minority-ownership, and “pleasure for all”. Does a successful online team reinventing an antiquated physical copy giant sound familiar? No options yet, shares only for now. $11.38 per share at time of writing. My guess? $20 by the end of February. $50 by EOY. This is not financial advice. I am not qualified to give financial advice. I’m just sayin’ I would personally use a Playboy sports book app while smoking a Playboy strain specific joint and it would be cool if they did that. Do your own research. You’d probably want to start here:
WARNING - POTENTIALLY NSFW - SEXY MODELS AHEAD - no actual nudity though
https://s26.q4cdn.com/895475556/files/doc_presentations/Playboy-Craig-Hallum-Conference-Investor-Presentation-11_17_20-compressed.pdf
Or here:
https://www.mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/default.aspx
Jimmy Chill: “Get into any SPAC at $10 or $11 and you are going to make money.”
STL;DR: Buy MCAC. MCAC > PLBY couple weeks. Rocketship. Moon.
Position: 5000 shares. I will buy short, medium, and long-dated calls once available.

Had to change the format so I followed the community rules.
The 2020 college football season has come to a close with the Alabama Crimson Tide once again on top of the college football world. Bama won an exciting, albeit lopsided, national championship game over Ohio State as Nick Saban claimed his seventh title.
As you might expect, this mock is going to feature a lot of soon-to-be former Tide players and a few Buckeyes as well. I have six Alabama players coming off the board in the first round, including quarterback Mac Jones.
Speaking of quarterbacks, there are six that I could see drafted in the first two rounds at this point. There is still a ton of assessing to be done with the Senior Bowl coming up, hopefully, followed by the NFL scouting combine.
There are two trades that occur in the first round of this mock, both involving quarterbacks.
Cincinnati trades 1.5 and 5.133 to San Francisco for 1.12, 2.43 and a 2022 first-round pick Detroit trades 1.7 to New England for 1.15, 2.46 and 2022 first-round pick
The draft order is according to Tankathon and updated through the wildcard weekend. Time to dive in!

1. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-15) - Trevor Lawrence, QB, Clemson

I know there is some buzz about Urban Meyer landing with the Jaguars and taking Justin Fields. I don't buy it. Trevor Lawrence is one of the best quarterback prospects of all time. His poise, athleticism and arm strength make him a Day 1 starter. He would give Jacksonville it's most exciting quarterback situation in franchise history.

1. New York Jets (2-14) - Zach Wilson, QB, BYU

This comes down to Justin Fields vs. Zach Wilson. It's going to be close. As of right now, I give the edge to Wilson. He has incredible zip on his throws and a lightning quick release. Wilson is a proven runner as well. He will need to take care of his body at the next level, but he looks the part of an NFL quarterback. It is no secret he works hard either. The Jets would find a potential new leader for their offense.

1. Miami Dolphins via Houston Texans (10-6) - Penei Sewell, OT, Oregon

There is some buzz about the Dolphins trading this pick back to the Texans in a deal for Deshaun Watson. If that is on the table, Miami should pull the trigger. Otherwise, this team should stand pat and protect Tua. There are plenty of other receivers to take later in this draft. There are not many offensive tackles like Penei Sewell though. He is a polished pass blocker with good functional athleticism and plenty of play strength. He sat out the 2020 season, but he will remind everyone at the combine (assuming it happens) just how talented he is.

1. Atlanta Falcons (4-12) - Patrick Surtain II, CB, Alabama

While some will advocate for a quarterback here, Matt Ryan likely isn't going anywhere anytime soon because of his contract. Instead, the Falcons take a talented player at a huge position of need. Drafting Patrick Surtain II gives Atlanta a tandem of young corners to build the defense around. Surtain has great ball skills and an NFL pedigree. Not to mention he brings plenty of big-game experience coming out of Alabama. This defense allowed the most passing yards per game in 2020. Don't overthink it. Grab a top-end corner and move forward.

1. San Francisco 49ers via Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1) - Justin Fields, QB, Ohio State

With two of the top four quarterbacks still on the board and Penei Sewell already gone, phones in Cincinnati would be lighting up! The Bengals move down, allowing the 49ers to find their quarterback of the future. Cutting Jimmy Garoppolo saves a ton of cap space. Justin Fields' ceiling is higher than that of Garoppolo's too. Fields brings a ton of intangibles to the table with his arm strength and speed. He definitely needs to improve some of his decision making and work on consistently hitting his release. Working with Kyle Shanahan would be a great way to help him reach his full potential.

1. Philadelphia Eagles (4-11-1) - Ja'Marr Chase, WR, LSU

If Patrick Surtain was still here, that would have been the pick. However, it is hard to be mad about landing the top receiver in the class. Ja'Marr Chase is a matchup nightmare with a great blend of size and speed. He dominated the SEC in 2019 before opting out in 2020. He would give whomever the Eagles decide to start at quarterback a clear No. 1 receiver. Philly has been looking to fill that void for a long time.

1. New England Patriots via Detroit Lions (5-11) - Trey Lance, QB, North Dakota State

Detroit has a ton of holes to fill and a new general manager coming in. I think we could see them trade down come April. The Patriots jump up to find a succession plan to Tom Brady, probably a few years too late. Trey Lance is a bit more raw than the other top quarterback prospects, but he has some special physical tools. If he gets a year to get up to speed in the NFL and improve his deep accuracy, he could be a long-term solution at quarterback for years to come. With his effortless arm strength and impressive mobility, the sky is the limit for Lance.

1. Carolina Panthers (5-11) - Micah Parsons, LB, Penn State

Sometimes, things just fall into place perfectly. Carolina needs a new linebacker to roam the field and match wits with opposing quarterbacks. Micah Parsons could step in from Day 1 and provide a huge boost to an exciting young defense. He has the prototypical size teams want for modern day linebackers with some added pass rushing potential. Parsons won't be Luke Keuchley, but he is probably the team's best option to attempt to fill the void he left when he retired.

1. Denver Broncos (5-11) - Gregory Rousseau, EDGE, Miami

I'm not forgetting about Bradley Chubb or Von Miller, with the latter hopefully coming back from injury at full strength in 2021. Gregorey Rousseau has the potential to take over at one of the defensive end spots though while Miller and Chubb play on the outside. Rousseau is huge at 6'7" with room to add some muscle to that frame. He looks most comfortable rushing the passer from the interior in the limited tape I've watched so far of him at Miami. Denver needs a jolt in its front three. Rousseau has the potential to become a cornerstone player on this defense.

1. Dallas Cowboys (6-10) - Caleb Farley, CB, Virginia Tech

When you allow the most points in franchise history and fire your defensive coordinator after one season, it's probably a good sign that you need to add some talent to your defense. Caleb Farley is a big, physical corner who can command a spot on the outside for this Cowboys defense. After sitting out the 2020 season, he will get a chance to solidify his draft stock at the combine. Dallas desperately missed Byron Jones this year. While Farley is not a like-for-like fit, he can help fill the void and create an exciting young tandem with Trevon Diggs.

1. New York Giants (6-10) - Jaylen Waddle, WR, Alabama

If you want to rank the Alabama receivers over the past two years, Jaylen Waddle is second on my list behind Jerry Jeudy. Yes, I would take him over DeVonta Smith and Henry Ruggs. While Smith, deservedly, won the Heisman, Waddle was in the conversation this year before he got hurt. He was the go-to player in the offense, amassing 557 receiving yards and four touchdowns in his four games before the injury. Waddle is electric in the open field. I like how he projects to the next level just a bit more than Smith. If the Giants are determined to see Daniel Jones succeed, finding a playmaker like Waddle will make a huge difference.

1. Cincinnati Bengals via San Francisco 49ers (6-10) - Christian Darrisaw, OT, Virginia Tech

Slide down seven spots and land an offensive line prospect with tons of potential? Sign every Bengals fan in the world up for that. Probably sign Joe Burrow up for that too. Christian Darrisaw has a bit of developing still to do, but he looks very comfortable playing on the left side of the line. His size and athleticism point to tons of untapped potential. He has room to improve in his footwork and technique, but those are coachable aspects of the game.

1. Los Angeles Chargers (7-9) - Samuel Cosmi, OT, Texas

Protecting Justin Herbert should be the top priority for the Chargers this offseason. For a team that seems to be growing into a potential championship window with a rookie quarterback, finding a franchise tackle to grow with it would be a great fit. Samuel Cosmi's ceiling might be the highest of any offensive tackle in this draft. At 6'7", 309 lbs, Cosmi is huge, but he moves like a much smaller man. He looks comfortable pulling, blocking in space and anchoring down on the quarterback's blind side. He is extremely raw and will need some good coaching to perfect his technique, hand usage and footwork to reach his potential. In two years though, he could be one of the top five tackles in the league. There is some risk though that he ends up being a guard if he cannot develop.

1. Minnesota Vikings (7-9) - Jaycee Horn, CB, South Carolina

Mike Zimmer called this the worst defense he has ever had. Let's assume they will look to rebuild it then during the 2021 offseason. Jaycee Horn has lockdown corner potential. He is an elite man-to-man corner. South Carolina moved him all over the formation, allowing him to gain some experience in the slot, blitzing off the edge, playing off coverage and playing zone. He should upgrade the secondary right away. This does not mean Minnesota is bailing on Jeff Gladney after a rough rookie season. Adding Horn just creates more depth and potential for a turnaround next season.

1. Detroit Lions via New England Patriots (7-9) - DeVonta Smith, WR, Alabama

Cue the "did you even watch the national championship game?" reactions. DeVonta Smith has been the best offensive player in college football this season. The combination of speed, route running and catch radius makes him lethal. Opposing defenses have had no answer. The main concerns are about his size. He has a very slight frame at 175 lbs, which begs questions about his ability to survive in the NFL. He will also face some major better defenses at the next level. After trading down, the Lions can invest in either a replacement for Kenny Golladay or someone to line up across from him in the future.

1. Arizona Cardinals (8-8) - Kyle Pitts, TE, Florida

This has become one of my favorite prospect-team pairings in these early mock drafts. Kyle Pitts would thrive in the Cardinals offense. It would hide a number of his shortcomings as a blocker by allowing him to flex out and make plays in space. He would give Kyler Murray a great target over the middle of the field and in the red zone and open up more opportunities for DeAndre Hopkins. The drop off from Hopkins to the next-best receiving option in this offense is steep. Pitts would bridge the gap.

1. Las Vegas Raiders (8-8) - Christian Barmore, DL, Alabama

Las Vegas' defense was not what many had hoped for after some signs of progress in 2019. The pass rush regressed and the secondary struggled. Enter Christian Barmore. Fresh off a dominant national championship game, he showcased his talent and potential heading into a potential NFL career. His ability as an interior pass rusher would fill a huge need for the Raiders.

1. Miami Dolphins (10-6) - Azeez Ojulari, EDGE, Georgia

Still not a receiver. I will get there, I promise Dolphins fans. Miami got solid production out of Andrew Van Ginkel and Kyle Van Noy, but neither one is irreplaceable. Azeez Ojulari is a polished pass rusher with an array of moves at his disposal to beat opposing offensive tackles. He would provide the Dolphins with a situational rusher who can develop into a long-term starter at outside linebacker in Brian Flores' defense.

1. Washington Football Team (7-9) - Mac Jones, QB, Alabama

Taylor Heinicke and Alex Smith are both great stories, but neither projects as the long-term answer at quarterback for Washington. Mac Jones went from being Tua's backup to the Davey O'Brien winner and Heisman finalist. He is incredibly accurate, looks comfortable in the pocket and has great touch on his deep ball. He might not be as athletic as the four quarterbacks who went before him, but he can use his legs to extend plays while keeping his eyes downfield. He benefited from a great supporting cast, but he deserves some credit for Alabama's success this year as well.

1. Chicago Bears (8-8) - Rashod Bateman, WR, Minnesota

Allen Robinson seems headed for an exit this offseason. With Jones off the board, there are no quarterbacks worth taking here, so receiver becomes the next position of focus. Rashod Bateman has the size and playmaking skills to make Bears fans feel a little better about likely losing Robinson. He had a bit of an off 2020 season, opting out, then opting back in and opting out again after five games. He has the size to be a possession receiver, but flashes good run after the catch ability too. Expect whoever is Chicago's quarterback in 2021 to benefit from having him in the offense.

1. Indianapolis Colts (11-5) - Patrick Jones II, EDGE, Pittsburgh

The Colts defense was one of the best in the league this year against the run, but pretty average against the pass. The best way to disrupt an opponent's passing attack is to generate pressure. Patrick Jones II excels in that department. He has 17.5 sacks over the past two seasons. He fits the mold of a 4-3 defensive end and would give the Colts a successor to Justin Houston, who turns 32 later this month. Jones is one of my favorite edge rushers in this class and I think this would be a great fit for him.

1. Tennessee Titans (11-5) - Zaven Collins, LB, Tulsa

It took me a bit, but I think I have figured out my pro comp for Zaven Collins. Vikings linebacker Anthony Barr. Both are outside linebackers who can hang in pass coverage but make their biggest impact rushing the passer. Collins is a little bit heavier than Barr, but both fit similar size profiles as well. Tennessee desperately needs a playmaker like that. The Titans had just 19 sacks as a team this season. Collins had 4.5 sacks and 7.5 tackles for loss in eight games. He is the type of disruptive force this defense is lacking.

1. New York Jets via Seattle Seahawks (2-14) - Wyatt Davis, G, Ohio State

After grabbing Zach Wilson, protecting him needs to be the priority. Wyatt Davis is the best interior lineman in this class. He has great size and lots of experience after starting for the past two years. He would provide a nice boost to the interior of this Jets offensive line and some much needed run blocking. Joe Douglas spent a lot on the offensive line in free agency without much success. Davis and Mekhi Becton would give the Jets two great building blocks to rely on as they reshape the unit.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) - Najee Harris, RB, Alabama

Did Pittsburgh throw it more than anyone else strictly by design or because they lost faith in the running game? Hard to know which is true, but either way, the Steelers cannot continue to rely on Ben Roethlisberger throwing the ball 50+ times per game. That's not sustainable. Najee Harris is the top running back in this class and could very well come off the board before this. He is physical, fast and consistent. His blend of quickness and power is pretty impressive. What makes him worthy of a first-round pick is his ability as a pass catcher. Harris caught 65 passes over the past two seasons. A 230-pound back who can get involved in the passing game? That is a special combination.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars via Los Angeles Rams (1-15) - Liam Eichenburg, OT, Notre Dame

Cam Robinson did not have a great 2020 season and it is time that the Jaguars think about moving on from him at left tackle. Protecting Trevor Lawrence is going to be a big priority. Liam Eichenburg is one of the most pro ready tackles in this class. He is incredibly polished and technically sound. His upside is limited by a lack of speed, but he can be the anchor on the left side of the line.

1. Cleveland Browns (11-5) - Jeremiah Owusu-Komaroah, LB, Notre Dame

Cleveland's postseason run is going to continue for a little bit longer, but it is clear where they could use some help on defense. With no clear secondary pick here, the Browns can grab a high-upside linebacker. Jeremiah Owusu-Komaroah is a fantastic cover player with sideline-to-sideline ability. Given the Browns struggles in pass coverage this season, this would be a useful addition to the defense.

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5) - Kwity Paye, EDGE, Michigan

Tampa Bay is in win-now mode with Tom Brady, but they can afford to go with a raw, high-upside edge rusher as they continue to build depth on defense. Kwity Paye has all the physical tools you hope for in an edge rusher at 6'4" and roughly 270 lbs. He didn't produce much at Michigan with just 11.5 sacks in 28 career games. However, teams will be betting they can help unlock his potential and turn him into a physically dominant edge rusher.

1. Baltimore Ravens (11-5) - Creed Humphrey, C, Oklahoma

Another prospect and team pairing that I really like, Baltimore's offensive line has not been the dominant unit we have become accustomed to watching in recent years. Ronnie Stanley went down after just seven games. Matt Skura had issues snapping the ball at times this season. Plugging in a pro-ready option like Creed Humphrey at center would be a great move for Baltimore. Humphrey has plenty of experience blocking for mobile quarterbacks, playing with Kyler Murray and Jalen Hurts in 2018 and 2019 respectively. Blocking for Lamar Jackson should be a seamless transition.

1. New Orleans Saints (12-4) - Chazz Surratt, LB, UNC

The Saints are in for a big offseason as the team figures out its direction after Drew Brees' career ends. New Orleans has been searching for linebacking help for years now. Finding a high-character and dynamic leader like Chazz Surratt at the end of the first round would be a great addition. Surratt is a former quarterback who is still learning the position. However, he has thrived under Mack Brown over the past two seasons starting for UNC. He could take over for Demario Davis, who just turned 32, when he decides to retire.

1. Buffalo Bills (13-3) - Pat Freiermuth, TE, Penn State

Another great fit for both prospect and team here. Buffalo could use an upgrade at tight end. What makes this such a great fit is Pat Freiermuth's ability as both a blocker and inline receiver. He is not the same type of receiving threat as someone like Kyle Pitts, but he is a well-rounded player that fills a huge need. Giving Josh Allen an elite tight end to work with is only going to elevate his game further.

1. Green Bay Packers (13-3) - Rashawn Slater, OT, Northwestern

There is a time and place to grab a receiver, but that is probably later in the draft. Green Bay has David Bahktiari locked up for a while, but he suffered a major injury and Bryan Bulaga left last offseason. Suddenly, this once stout offensive line is starting to deteriorate. Letting Rashawn Slater start his career at right tackle could be great for his development. He has a long way to go when it comes to hand usage and has some flaws in his pass blocking technique, but he shows flashes of being a punishing blocker. Investing in protecting Aaron Rodgers, or eventually Jordan Love, is a good plan.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (14-2) - Trey Smith, OL, Tennessee

Kansas City has not looked quite as sharp over the final few weeks of the season. Part of that has been inconsistent offensive line play. Andrew Wylie has struggled and could be in danger of being replaced in 2021. Trey Smith is a physical specimen at 6'6", 330 lbs. He started his career at tackle before kicking inside to guard. He played really well for Tennessee in 2020 and could be in line to start on Day 1. Worst-case scenario, he provides some crucial depth for the defending champs at either guard or tackle spot.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-15) - Carlos Basham Jr., DL, Wake Forest

With two exciting edge rushers in Josh Allen and K'Lavon Chaisson, Jacksonville could use an upgrade along the inside of the defensive line. Carlos Basham Jr. is a bit of a tweener, playing snaps at defensive end and defensive tackle. That versatility would be valuable to a Jaguars defense that was one of the worst in football this past year.

1. New York Jets (2-14) - Joseph Ossai, EDGE, Texas

New York is in desperate need of some edge rushing help. Ranking in the bottom third in sacks for what feels like the 10th year in a row has to end at some point for the Jets to turn things around. Joseph Ossai is an intriguing prospect, having played more of an off-ball linebacker role prior to the 2020 season. However, he showed enough promise as an edge rusher for the Jets to add him here.

1. Atlanta Falcons (4-12) - Jaelan Phillips, EDGE, Miami

Atlanta continues its search for an edge rusher. After spending several premium picks and some cap space in recent years, this could be the end of the line. Jaelan Phillips flashed tons of speed and potential to produce at the NFL level in his one year at Miami. The Falcons would be banking on that being a sign of things to come and not a one season wonder.

1. Miami Dolphins via Houston Texans (10-6) - Chris Olave, WR, Ohio State

Miami finally grabs the receiver fans have been waiting for. Chris Olave made a huge impact on this Ohio State offense this year. He has good size to compete for pass downfield and has shown flashes of high-level route runner. He might need to bulk up a little bit to survive in the NFL.

1. Philadelphia Eagles (4-11-1) - Andre Cisco, S, Syracuse

The direction of this Eagles defense is in flux with Doug Pederson fired and Jim Schwartz taking a year away from football. There is no question that the pass defense needs a boost though. Andre Cisco is a centerfield safety with great ball skills. He had 12 interceptions in his first two seasons before slogging through an injury-riddled 2020. He would help Philly deal with the big plays that plagued the secondary all season long.

1. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1) - Daviyon Nixon, DL, Iowa

Carlos Dunlap is gone. Geno Atkins turns 33 in March. Cincinnati could use an infusion of talent along the defensive line. Daviyon Nixon flashed enough upside that the Bengals would be happy to land him in the second round. He moves incredibly well at 305 pounds, but there is room for improvement when it comes to his technique. If he can get that final layer of polish, he could be a force along the interior of the defense.

1. Carolina Panthers (5-11) - Kyle Trask, QB, Florida

Is Teddy Bridgewater the long-term answer at quarterback? It is unclear at this point. Matt Rhule would likely be excited to work with a polished passer like Kyle Trask. He has great accuracy and anticipation. However, he really lacks mobility and does not have the biggest arm. He could be a bit of a project behind Bridgewater.

1. Denver Broncos (6-10) - Alex Leatherwood, OT, Alabama

Alex Leatherwood has played every position along the offensive line, other than center, in his time at Alabama. In this scenario, I envision him potentially taking over at right tackle after not seeing Ja'Wuan James play much in the past two years. His ability to play left tackle is important too if Garrett Bolles regresses.

1. Detroit Lions (6-10) - Joe Tryon, EDGE, Washington

For a few years, Detroit has been searching for an edge rusher. Joe Tryon has above average play strength and a solid set of pass rushing moves. We didn't get to see him in 2020 because he opted out, but he has room for improvement and the size to play as a 4-3 end or a 3-4 outside linebacker.

1. New York Giants (6-10) - Quincy Roche, EDGE, Miami

The Giants will be disappointed to see Tryon off the board, but Quincy Roche is a nice consolation prize. He did not put up the same eye-popping numbers he did during his time at Temple, but his one year in Miami was productive. New York's defense made huge strides in 2020 under Patrick Graham, but needs some more pass rushing help to take the next step.

1. Cincinnati Bengals via San Francisco 49ers (6-10) - Alijah Vera-Tucker, G, USC

If the Bengals spent every pick in this draft on the offensive line, I don't think anyone would fault them. That's probably unnecessary, but investing another premium pick on an offensive lineman is smart roster building here. Alijah Vera-Tucker brings some experience at both guard and tackle. He is a developing player that should make Joe Burrow's life better when he returns from injury.

1. Dallas Cowboys (6-10) - Jevon Holland, DB, Oregon

Dallas' defense is headed for something of a major rebuild. With a ton of question marks in the secondary, finding a player who can play in multiple roles carries a lot of value. Jevon Holland is disruptive and can line up at either safety spot or play in the slot. The Cowboys just need to find talented players to turn this defense around.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars via Minnesota Vikings (1-15) - Brevin Jordan, TE, Miami

Jacksonville is in desperate need of an upgrade at tight end. Brevin Jordan has not had the fanfare that Kyle Pitts and Pat Freiermuth have, but he plays the position well. He does a lot of the little things right and would give Trevor Lawrence a strong target across the middle.

1. Detroit Lions via New England Patriots (7-9) - Trevon Moehrig, S, TCU

The backend of Detroit's defense needs a lot of work. Trevon Moehrig is a reliable safety option with plenty of range to make plays. He was one of the best players on a solid TCU defense. His biggest area for improvement is keeping proper positioning. Moehrig got burned deep a few times in 2020.

1. Los Angeles Chargers (7-9) - Kadarius Toney, WR, Florida

The Chargers might not bring back Mike Williams. Even if they do, there is room for another playmaker on this squad. Kadarius Toney looked incredible as part of Florida's offensive resurgence this season. He is dynamic in the open field and great at making plays with the ball in his hands. Toney could be uber productive playing with Justin Herbert.

1. Las Vegas Raiders (8-8) - Eric Stokes, CB, Georgia

Keep rebuilding this defense. The Raiders have swung and missed on a lot of corners in recent years, but Eric Stokes could help steady the unit a bit. He has impeccable speed and solid coverage skills. Stokes showed some signs of being a real difference maker with four interceptions in 2020. His stock could rise a lot if he posts a ridiculous time at the combine.

1. Arizona Cardinals (8-8) - Marvin Wilson, DL, Florida State

Marvin Wilson was a potential first-round selection a year ago, but did not have a great senior year after returning to Tallahassee. I think Wilson could bounce back with some better coaching. There was a lot of animosity at Florida State this offseason and it seemed like Wilson's heart was not in it this year. If he can reclaim his 2019 form, this would be a steal for a Cardinals team in need of some help along the defensive line.

1. Miami Dolphins (10-6) - Travis Etienne, RB, Clemson

I have Travis Etienne ranked at No. 14 on my big board, so don't go thinking I hate Etienne. However, NFL teams are continuing to devalue this position to the point where only one running back was selected last year in the first round. This is a great fit for the Clemson running back, who would join an exciting offense. His big-play ability could easily see him go sooner than this.

1. Washington (7-9) - Sage Surratt, WR, Wake Forest

Assuming that Washington does opt for Mac Jones, they are going to need to give him some receivers other than Terry McLaurin to throw to. Sage Surratt sat out the 2020 season, but he was last seen torching secondaries in the ACC. He is a big-play threat with great size and ball skills.

1. Chicago Bears (8-8) - Landon Dickerson, C, Alabama

We won't get to see Landon Dickerson workout at the Senior Bowl or combine this year because he suffered a season-ending injury in the SEC title game. He made a brief cameo at the end of Alabama's championship win, but he might not be ready for the upcoming season. Once he is back to full health though, he could be a steady starter for the Bears. This offense would look a lot better with an improved line and some additional playmakers.

1. Tennessee Titans (11-5) - Jay Tufele, DL, USC

This mostly projecting how Jay Tufele could develop as a prospect. He flashed some interior pass rushing ability in his first two seasons before opting out of the 2020 season. The Titans will take pass rushing help however they can get it at this point.

1. Indianapolis Colts (11-5) - Terrace Marshall Jr., WR, LSU

T.Y. Hilton had a strong second half and Michael Pittman Jr. showed flashes of his potential to be a No. 1 receiver, but Indy needs more receiving options. Parris Campbell has yet to make an impact and Zach Pascal is better off providing depth. Terrace Marshall got overshadowed by Justin Jefferson and Ja'Marr Chase last year, but he made some big plays for a much worse LSU offense this year.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) - Dillon Radunz, OT, North Dakota State

Pittsburgh's offensive line struggled a lot between injuries and poor play all season. Dillon Radunz is a bit of an unknown coming out of North Dakota State, but he has some great physical tools and dominated the FCS. He could compete for either tackle spot from Day 1.

1. Seattle Seahawks (11-5) - Jalen Mayfield, OT, Michigan

There is no question the Seahawks need an edge rusher, but Russell Wilson also needs time to make plays. Saturday's loss to the Rams should underline how much the offensive line needs an upgrade. Jalen Mayfield held down the right side of the line for Michigan. He should do the same thing for Seattle, replacing Brandon Shell.

1. Los Angeles Rams (10-6) - Cade Mays, OT, Tennessee

Andrew Whitworth cannot play forever and Jared Goff is not mobile enough to compensate for a bad offensive line. Cade Mays, like his teammate Trey Smith, has featured mostly at guard, but has the size to play at tackle. He has played at every position at some point in his college career at Georgia and Tennessee. His versatility would be hugely valuable even if he does not start right away.

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5) - Jaylen Twyman, DL, Pittsburgh

Building depth along the front seven is pretty much the only clear need this team has, pending any losses in free agency. Jalen Twyman was a disruptive force in 2019 for Pittsburgh. He racked up 10.5 sacks and 12.5 tackles for loss in a dominant season. He will need to measure in well at the combine to answer some questions about his size, but he could provide some pass rushing depth right away.

1. Baltimore Ravens (11-5) - Amon-Ra St. Brown, WR, USC

There is no question the Ravens need another receiver to add to this offense. Amon-Ra St. Brown has the agility and route tree to fit well as a possession receiver in this offense. He can get open in small spaces and has shown the ability to stretch the field as well.

1. Cleveland Browns (11-5) - Israel Mukuamu, CB, South Carolina

I'm not totally sure where Israel Mukuamu fits at the next level. He has played both safety and outside corner in his time at South Carolina. He is huge at 6'4" and shows flashes of being a lockdown corner. He is a step slow in the speed department, but his versatility would be extremely useful for a Browns secondary that has struggled to keep players healthy.

1. New Orleans Saints (12-4) - Rondale Moore, WR, Purdue

Ronadale Moore has looked like a human joystick when at full strength. That type of playmaking could be a huge boost to the Saints offense. It is not totally clear what this team will look like without Drew Brees, but New Orleans has needed a long-term solution across from Michael Thomas for a few years. Moore could be a top candidate if his medicals check out.

1. Buffalo Bills (13-3) - Chris Rumph II, EDGE, Duke

Buffalo's defense took a step back in 2020 after a dominant 2019 season. The Bills can look to reclaim their 2019 form with a couple of fresh faces in the front seven. Chris Rumph II had a great career with Duke, posting 14.5 sacks and 25 tackles for loss over his final two seasons.

1. Green Bay Packers (13-3) - Seth Williams, WR, Auburn

Seth Williams' skill set is a bit more limited than some of the receivers that have gone before him, but what he does, he does very well. He has the size at 6'3" to make plays down the field in traffic. Most importantly, he has good hands, which is something Green Bay desperately needs. The Packers had one of the highest drop percentages in the league this year.

1. Kansas City Chiefs (14-2) - Nick Bolton, LB, Missouri

Kansas City can stay close to home with this pick. Nick Bolton was a huge factor in Missouri's surprising season. He was one of the leaders of the Mizzou defense and made some impact plays with eight tackles for loss this season. Bolton would compete for a starting spot on a defense in need of some improvement in the linebacking corp.
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