Eminem was born in 1972. Rakim-1968, LL Cool J-1968, JayZ- 1969, Ice Cube-1969, 2Pac- 1971, Big Pun-1971, Snoop Dogg-1971, Nas-1973, and five months after Notorious B.I.G. So these are his contemporaries but he had the luxury of being able to study rather than compete. Now folktales will lead you to believe that he was just being slept on because he was white. But when you look at Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice, 3rd Bass, etc. such disparities are not present. And that is quite irregular for someone who we are led to believe to be the greatest of all time. That would be like Magic Johnson being drafted to the NBA in 1979 and Larry Bird not being drafted until 1986 even though they competed against each other in college. How is it that no one from his age group was aware of him when during that era, one of the quickest, easiest and best ways to get on is attack folks directly?
Now I’m not hating on Eminem because he’s white either. There’s a lot of white artists whom I enjoy to varying degrees: Paul Wall, Mac Miller, Your Old Droog, Derek Pope, Machine Gun Kelly, Evidence, El-P of Run The Jewels, etc. What I am saying is that the aesthetic which his lyricism was packaged in is what has ahd folksputting all kinds of extras on him. Reminds me of when folks where caping for Jeremy Lin “Linsanity”. Like yeah he was doing his thing, but it was WHO was doing it that had folks putting extras on it.
Stuff like his BET Cypher Donald Trump freestyle was cool as well as his song “White America”, but as the number one rapper in the world who happens to be white? This is what I consider low hanging fruit of liberals who try to simplify and reduce racism as isolated boogeymen that once exorcised, everything will be all good. But when has Eminem used his music and his platform to really speak to systemic racism white supremacy on a micro and macro level and be a champion of black empowerment while profiting off black culture? February 2003 The Source Magazine published “The Unbearable Whiteness of Emceeing: What the Eminence of Eminem Says About Race” which I found to be very insightful.
Eminem’s first project was in 1995 as a duo with Proof (rip). Same year as Only Built For Cuban Linx by Raekwon, The Infamous by Mobb Deep, Me Against The World by 2Pac, Soul Food by Goodie Mob, among others. Some of the most highly regarded albums and MCs ever and yet no one was checking for “the goat” Eminem?
Now in 1996 that is when Eminem put out his official solo project with Infinite. Same year as All Eyez On Me and Makaveli from 2Pac, Reasonable Doubt by JayZ, It Was Written from Nas, The Score by Fugees, ATLiens from OutKast, etc. Who was checking for Eminem??
We’re going to just skip all the fire that came out 1997–98 such as DMX, Redman, Big Pun, Juvenile, Method Man. But do your Googles and see what songs from those years you’d rather hear than anything Eminem put out from 1995–1999.
It is not until 1999 that we get the much heralded Slim Shady LP. This is after the “East Coast/West Coast” feud when everyone was going at whomever, whenever. Plenty of space and opportunity for Eminem to assert himself whether attacking someone or defending someone. I’m not saying that he might not have been able to hold his own. But the way people used to go at each other back then, they definitely would’ve been on his ass. You either had to rhyme and/or throw hands. However, after the dust cleared, he comes out during the peace and prosperity of the “shiny suit era”. But you tell me what songs from Slim Shady LP resonate with the culture and have had the lasting appeal as: Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001, Pharoahe Monch’s Simon Says, Missy Elliot’s Da Real World, and JayZ’s Vol. 3? Better yet, this is the same year that B.G. put out “Bling, Bling” and Ja Rule’s “Holla Holla”. And the icing on the cake — Mobb Deep released “Quiet Storm”. Nuff said!
The year 2000 brought us The Marshall Mathers LP. Great album indeed. But ask yourself, what song has been in rotation in the last 20 years with the likes of: OutKast’s “So Fresh & So Clean”, Ghostface Killah’s “Cherchez La Ghost”, M.O.P.’s “Ante Up”, Prodigy’s “Keep It Thoro”, or even Three 6 Mafia’s “Sippin On Some Sizzurp”? And I just heard Ludacris’ “What’s Yo Fantasy” last week. And you can’t forget this is the year Nelly debuted. I’ll add Big Tymers’ “Everybody Get Your Roll On” to that list too.
2001 is when JayZ released The Blueprint. Eminem’s verse on “Renegade” is one of those watershed moments along with Nas saying on “Ether” how JayZ got bodied by him that really began to crystalize public opinion, but it is the same record which the same is said of rapper Beanie Sigel. And that is just as debatable. Eminem released his group D12 in 2001 with Devil’s Night. It debuted #1 and went 2x platinum, the same year as Put Yo Hood Up by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, but despite the disparity in sales, you tell me which album has the most songs that have rang off the most in the hood (no pun intended)? 2001 also brought us Pain Is Love from Ja Rule, Stillmatic from Nas, and Word of Mouf by Ludacris
The Eminem Show dropped in 2002. Another fine project. Was it as innovative as N.E.R.D’s In Search Of…?But are there any songs that had the staying power in the hip hop community like State Property’s “Roc The Mic” (which features Beanie Sigel), or “Say I Yi Yi” from Ying Yang Twins? And this was the same year as ’03 Bonnie & Clyde with JayZ & Beyonce and Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz sparking the dawn of the crunk era with Kings of Crunk. Also, we can’t leave out Nelly’s Nellyville and Nas’ God’s Son. So not only did Eminem not have the definitive sound of the year but he also did not have either of the two songs which defined 2002. I submit to you: Clipse “Grindin’” and Missy Elliott “Work It”. But Eminem is the goat??
Now let’s juxtapose what we’ve learned so far with 50 Cent who put out the mixtapes Guess Who’s Back and 50 Cent Is The Future also in 2002. Keep in mind 50 Cent, born in 1975, was discovered by Jam Master Jay (rip) in 1996, had a deal with Columbia Records in 1999, and released his first mixtape Power Of The Dollar in 2000 with the song How To Rob. So in 2000, 50 Cent was already buzzing on the street way more than Eminem was before he came out. And Eminem was two albums in. 2002 is when Eminem not discovered by rather “Columbused” 50 Cent after he lost his deal in 2001 due to infamously being shot nine times. Eminem re-introduces him on the mixtape drop No Mercy, No Fear and simultaneously 8 Mile soundtrack in 2002 with the song “Wanksta”. “Wanksta” produced more anticipation for his debut Get Rich Or Die Trying in 2003 than Eminem did leading up to his. But Eminem is supposed to be the goat? And he’s often ranked over 50 Cent.
Eminem is from Michigan. The hip hop scene from 1995–1999 was pretty localized unlike today where you can be whoever from wherever and find an audience on social media and SoundCloud. How is it that one of “the goats” managed to not have any buzz in the Midwest prior to his debut? Common and Twista were three albums in, and although they have had moderately successful careers, they haven’t reached any of the sales as Eminem. 1994 Common dropped the seminal classic “I Used To Love H.E.R.” And by his 3rd album he had features from Lauryn Hill, Black Thought, Cee-Lo, De La Soul, Q-Tip, and Eminem’s former arch-rival Canibus. And yet we are led to believe that nobody was checking for an eventual goat until 1999? People talk about his mythical rap battles. But who did he beat?? Eminem lost in 1997 at the Rap Olympics to a rapper named Otherwize and at the ’97 Scribble Jam to MC J.U.I.C.E. So not only are the only known records of his battle rap days are L’s but they are against virtual nobodies (no disrespect). You’ve heard stories about the back in the day with the Juice Crew/Boogie Down Productions ‘Bridge Wars’, JayZ vs. Busta Rhymes in the cafeteria, etc. And we are supposed to believe that a goat like Eminem NEVER crossed paths with anyone notable until he really, really got on? Hip hop has often paralleled the NBA and when have you ever heard of a goat that nobody hooped with in the park, high school, or even seen on the block?
So aside from 50 Cent and eventually G-Unit in 2003, there were other people who dropped indelible hits: Freeway, Fabolous, T.I., Youngbloodz, DMX, JayZ, Ludacris, OuKast. But how is it that 50 Cent with the same Dr. Dre/Interscope engine can make better records than Eminem and his group G-Unit is vastly superior to Eminem’s D-12? So Eminem is a goat but has one of the WEAKEST crews in terms of skills and relevance to the culture: 50 Cent and G-Unit, JayZ’s State Property/Roc-La-Familia, 2Pac’s Outlawz, Outkast’s Dungeon Family, Nas’ Bravehearts, Cam’ron’s The Diplomats, Master P.’s No Limit, Birdman’s Big Tymers/Hot Boys, Ludacris’ DTP, you can just go on and on. You’re a goat but ain’t produce not one hit record except for “Purple Pills” and that ain’t even a banger?! Not one person from Eminem’s crew has had a hit record either. Yet when you look at all of the aforementioned, you can name one if not several from each who had respectable outings. Obie Trice wasn’t a superstar. Furthermore, when checking out Slaughterhouse, Royce da 5'9", Joe Budden, etc. were already doing their thing. And he was unable to take their careers to the next level despite his star power. Because as a implied from the beginning, his elevation is completely overstated. Rappers such as those in Slaughterhouse and Griselda gang are of a similar skill set and rhyme style but don’t get nearly the mainstream attention that Eminem has received.
Then 2004 rolls in and Eminem releases Encore. Now aside from the solo debuts from Young Buck and Lloyd Banks from G-Unit, this was the same year that Kanye West released The College Dropout. Nuff said!
In 2004, Eminem released another D12 group project with D12 World. Another 2x platinum album, which peaked #1. It even had higher first-week sales than Kanye if that makes any sense. However, what songs from that album can you name have been more popular than The Diplomats’ Diplomatic Immunity 2 and Lil Jon and The East Side Boyz’ Crunk Juice?
2005 is Eminem’s greatest hits album Curtain Call. Explain to me how it is 7x platinum yet Kanye West’s Late Registration is only 3x platinum. By this time Eminem was only 4 albums in. Are we supposed to believe that from 1999–2005 he had 4 projects better than 4 JayZ projects during that time?
Kanye West pretty much OWNED hip hop until Eminem returned in 2009 with Relapse. That 5 year run was way more impactful than any Eminem stretch from music releases to production to fashion. Also during this time you have the introduction of rappers like The Game (another G-Unit soldier), Rick Ross, Jeezy, and Gucci Mane. T.I. was becoming a staple. Lil Wayne was cementing his legacy. Lupe Fiasco, another rapper, highly touted for his lyricism, was doing his thing. 2009 was also the year “Swag Surfin’” came out. Nuff said!
Eminem puts out Recovery in 2010. Same year as Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Drake’s Thank Me Later. Both albums which have had way more staying power than Eminem. “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled came out that year too. 2010 also saw the rise of Waka Flocka Flame with “O Let’s Do It” and “Hard In The Paint”. Eminem has yet to create such anthems for the culture but is supposed to be a goat??
So in 2011, Eminem drops the album Hell: The Sequel with Royce Da 5'9" as the duo Bad Meets Evil. Now the single “Lighters” from that album along with “I Need A Doctor” a song he did with Dr. Dre and Skylar Grey, both peaked at #4 on Billboard. “I Need A Doctor” is Dr. Dre’s second highest peaking song on the chart ever. Now who do you know that if you asked them to name their top 5 favorite Dr. Dre songs and that song is on their list? When was the last time your heard Lighters? These songs peaked higher than But 2011 is the year Tyler The Creator and Big Sean dropped their debut studio albums. Section 80 by Kendrick Lamar also came out in 2011. But one duo was the pulse of 2011, JayZ and Kanye West with Watch The Throne.
2012 is the year Kendrick Lamar officially arrived with Good Kid, M.A.A.D City. There really isn’t anything more that needs to be said after that. But you also have Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded from Nicki Minaj and 2 Chainz debuting as a solo act. Eminem didn’t come back on the scene until 2013 with Marshall Mathers LP 2. It had higher first-week sales than Nothing Was The Same by Drake, Magna Carta Holy Grail by JayZ, Yeezus from Kanye West, AND Born Sinner from J. Cole. How Sway?! It makes about as much sense as Macklemore winning Best Rap Album and Best New Artist and being nominated for Album of the Year in 2012 with The Heist. “Thrift Shop” was the equivalent of My Name Is… or The Real Slim Shady, a cool little bop but not hardly a hip hop classic in the least.
2013–2017 was Eminem’s longest hiatus not returning until the end of the year with Revival. And yet he was being nominated and oftentimes winning awards and accolades from the dominant society while his contemporaries were putting out quality product. Revival was the first album that you could argue was panned by critics although it still went gold and debuted at #1 on Billboard. DAMN from Kendrick Lamar and JayZ’s 4:44 were the talk of 2017.
2018 brings us to Eminem’s Kamikaze. Another album which debuted #1 and went platinum. It had more first-week sales than Invasion Of Privacy by Cardi B., KOD from J. Cole, and Culture II from Migos, but who has had more of an impact on the culture? In 2018 were more people talking about Eminem or Pusha T with Daytona?
Eminem was like a rap Weird Al Yankovic when he came on the scene who used crazy videos and shocking antics to propel his career. After the initial press run of his projects, real hip hop heads drop off really quickly and move on to that real shit. Jimmy Iovine and Interscope Records knew that with his talent, the street cred and music production of Dr. Dre, a great package could be sold to the masses. That otherwise would just be another “spherical-lyrical-miracle rappity rap” rapper. Where are the Eminem fans who champion other backpack, lyricist lounge rappers in the same regard?
The film 8 Mile has been romanticized into people thinking it was an autobiography. However, it was presented as “based on a true story” or as to say fictionalized for dramatic effect. One of the main purposes for doing so is that it allows Hollywood to embellish events and have “creative license”. Consequently, then people put all kinds of extras on Eminem’s rap battle career like he’s Rocky Balboa.
Eminem is supposed to be goat but when you look at his career he never went up against anyone except for women and pop stars. People put all these extras on Eminem but who has he defeated to be warrant such fear?
No one has been afraid of anyone ever in the history of rap but all of a sudden Eminem is above reproach? Nelly wasn’t afraid to respond to KRS-One. Common and Ice Cube went at it and Common had no problem going at Drake either. But Eminem’s resume of targets are: NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Insane Clown Posse, Britney Spears, Moby, Christina Aguilera, and Michael Jackson. Jermaine Dupri isn’t a rapper. Benzino respected in the hood but not top-tier. Is he even top 5 out of Boston? Are we giving him the crown because he went at Fred Durst of rap/rock group Limp Bizkit? Machine Gun Kelly is not a top-tier rapper either and he BARELY won. I would argue that he had the better bars but MGK had the better song, beat, and rollout. Even in the beef with Ja Rule, 50 Cent did most of the heavy lifting and dropped the finishing blow. Eminem stayed away from damn near all of 50 Cent’s beefs with real heavyweights like Lil Wayne and The Lox yet 50 is always putting on the cape for Eminem at slightest sign of trouble. Much respect to Lord Jamar but some would say that he Grand Puba was the best rapper in his group not him? However, on one of their top hits “Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down”, Grand Puba isn’t on it. Name one D-12 hit without Eminem. Notwithstanding the fact that Brand Nubian and Dead Prez are much more highly regarded in the pantheon of hip hop than D-12 has ever been. Canibus was probably the only lyrical challenge but he proved to be a choke artist and already took a L from LL Cool J. People are taking his side during the Nick Cannon beef but the facts are this began with Eminem again going after a popstar in Mariah Carey. Nick is supposed to defend the honor of his (ex)wife and the mother of his children. And the criticism he’s received is that he’s getting help from the Wild N’ Out cast?! Well Bizarre jumped out the window with lackluster diss records for Joe Budden and MGK. But even Uncle Luke from 2 Live Crew didn’t backdown from Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg with Cowards In Compton. Uncle Luke and Kid n’ Play even had beef at one point. 2Pac and De La Soul had issues back in the day as well. Eazy-E (who didn’t write his own rhymes), got help on “Real Muthaphuckkin G’s”. 2Pac had “Hit Em Up”, Ice Cube had “No Vaseline”, JayZ’s “Takeover”, Nas’ “Ether”, how is it that Eminem hasn’t made a classic diss record? Not even a legendary diss verse or battle along the lines of Lil Flip vs. T.I. or T.I. and Ludacris?
Gucci Mane dissed Eminem on a song with Mariah Carey entitled “Obsessed” and he threw shade at him in a radio interview, but Eminem has never addressed it. The goat wouldn’t and shouldn’t be taking any direspect from anyone especially your reputation is that you’re not the one to be messed with on the mic.
Prodigy (RIP) has battled more top-tier rappers and held his own than Eminem.
Eminem came at Tyler The Creator for criticizing his music. And while I would contend that Tyler isn’t a better MC than Em, is there any question that the style and innovation of Tyler and Odd Future has superceded that of Em of D-12?
Who did you know that wore Eminem’s brand, Shady Ltd./Shady Wear and what did they look like? And how does it stack up to other rapper clothing lines like Wu Wear, Apple Bottoms, State Property, or even Tyler’s Golf Wang?
How is it that Eminem is the goat but he’s the least sampled, least referenced goat? Not a beat, hook, or anything that’s been flipped or remixed? And he has the least amount of notable features. Now the “stans” will say it’s because they don’t want to be outshined but why hasn’t that stopped people from working with other greats?
So not only does Eminem have a classic diss record but he doesn’t have a classic street anthem, party record, song for the ladies, conscious rap, dance move, or any other prominent category. Of the goats, Eminem has the least noticeable impact in look, style, flow, voice, or slang. The people who have apparently patterned themselves after him are folks like G-Eazy, Hopsin, Joyner Lucas, Merkules, Yelawolf, and Logic. And I rest my case. If Eminem were black he would be Hopsin at worst and Redman or Busta Rhymes at best (much respect to them). Let him and Royce da 5'9" switch places.
Eminem takes liberty to reiterate this on the song “Fall”, but aside from being from Detroit, how has Eminem inspired Big Sean and Royce? That’s like saying JayZ, Mos Def, Big Daddy Kane, Sean Price and Fabolous gave us Tekashi69 because they’re all from Brooklyn. Em is the biggest rap artist from the entire state of Michigan. However, what Eminem song would you recommend someone hear to get that feel? Hip hop has always been very sonically regional in its essence. What Eminem song puts on for the city that makes you see and feel Detroit? There’s no Detroit references, slang, visuals, bridging of musical history (Motown, techno, etc.) Not even a “What Up Doe?!”. How did he avoid to not do any work with Slum Village or the legendary J. Dilla (RIP)??
There’s often been comparisons between Eminem and Elvis Presley. But I liken Em to martial arts star Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is one of the most successful martial arts stars ever but he is not a creator, innovator, nor master of any martial arts style. Yet he is quite larger than many of the originators. Like Norris, Eminem is quite proficient in various styles but he’s a master of none. And then created his own style (Chun Kuk Do), and put himself at the top. Eminem never shies away from crediting O.G.’s Kool G Rap, Naughty By Nature, Poor Righteous Teachers, etc. However, I think Em has a bit of a white savior complex of asserting his authority and dictating what is/is not real hip hop leaving black folks as just receptacles. Then getting upset when we reject it. Moreover, like Norris and his “Norris facts” or the “sniper skills”, Eminem has been mythologized and mysticized as a “Rap God”. No, I don’t think Eminem is a culture vulture or guilty of cultural appropriation . I think he could be a better cultural steward. Good stewardship being defined as “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care”. I would consider people like Stretch Armstrong, DJ Muggs, Alchemist, and Steve Rifkind such exemplary custodians of the culture.
Ask yourself what exactly are Eminem’s top 5 songs? When and how often have you listened to them after they initial release? After the media machine of Viacom took it out of rotation on MTV’s networks and shows like TRL and subsequently, BET. And when do you put them in rotation at the club, barbershop, with your lady, hanging with the fellas, etc.? Then compare those top 5 songs to the top 5 of his contemporaries. Name your top 5 Eminem songs and see if it was the #1 rap song that year in the hip hop community.
One of the main talking points regarding Eminem being “the goat” is in regards to his record sales. This is rather moot when you after you consider the consumption of the dominant society, record sales, have never been solely indicative of the measure in which hip hop determines greatness as an MC. If that were the case, then rappers like Nelly, MC Hammer, Flo-Rida, Chingy, and Lil Nas X, should be on people’s top 10 list.
Likewise could be said of awards. Otherwise, who’s saying Young MC Coolio is top tier? DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince (Will Smith) won the first rap Grammy in 1989 but I would hardly consider that to be the best album of ’89 nor are they top 10 in duos/groups of all-time. Institutions primarily in the dominant society choose who to praise, credentialize, and reward including the categories of merit. Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac, Snoop Dogg, Nas, and Busta Rhymes are just a few who have NEVER been nominated for a Grammy. Just focusing on rap/hip hop categories, let’s break this down even further:
In 1999, Eminem won the MTV Europe Music Award for Best Hip Hop over Beastie Boys, Busta Rhymes, Puff Daddy, and Will Smith. (See #5)I’m confused about the nominees as well as him winning. Interesting in 1999, Eminem also won an MTV Music Award for Best New Artist “My Name Is…” but he was not nominated in neither the Best Rap Video nor Best Hip Hop video categories. Now in 2000, Eminem began winning awards regarding his video starting with two Billboard awards. Again, the outlandish videos were one of the things that has kept him in the minds of the public. Blockbuster (yeah that Blockbuster Video) decided to create their own awards from 1995–2001 and gave Eminem the award for Favorite Rap Artist in 2001. Go figure?! In 2001, the MTV Europe Music Awards, Eminem won Best Hip Hop. D12 was nominated as well along with Missy Elliott, Outkast, and P. Diddy. D12?! You have to be kidding me! So not only throw in a June 2001 release into the mix with projects from the previous year, but they want you to believe that this was the best hip hop of 2000–01. (See #7)Eve with Scorpion was a better album than D12.
A German association of record companies puts on a ceremony of their own called the Echo Awards. Check out the link and see how preposterous the nominations were. I’m not going to go through ever single one but it was pretty much a foregone conclusion they would give him the award every year. Notwithstanding the fact that in 2001, Eminem won over Nelly’s Country Grammar. Now of course, Eminem is a better MC but if you’re talking about which album had the most hit records in the hip hop community, I’m going to have to say Nelly. Are we really saying in 2002, D12 Devil’s Night was a better album than Outkast Stankonia?! 2003 they gave it to The Eminem Show over Nellyville. Again check this discography and you tell me which has gotten more play over the years. 2005, the Echo Awards nominated D12 and Eminem AGAIN, for D12 World and Encore, respectively. And to add insult to injury, the Beastie Boys were nominated for To The 5 Boroughs. But not College Dropout?! The Echo Awards nominated Eminem for Curtain Call: The Hits in 2006 and 2007 (winning in 2007). So A F#KIN GREATEST HITS ALBUM that was released in 2005 was nominated TWICE and won Best Hip Hop over albums released the previous eligible year like T.I.’s King, Rick Ross’s Port Of Miami, and Lupe Fiasco’s Food & Liquor, but EVERYONE knows the best rap album of 2005 was Late Registration. Even Common’s Be was a smash! You’re awarding a greatest hits album over original content?! The only thing Eminem put out in 2006 was Eminem Presents: The Re-Up kanyeshrug After 2008, when Eminem stopped putting out records, they just disbanded the category altogether for the most part staying local except for 2011 when they awarded him AGAIN for Recovery. That is until 2014 awarding him yet again for MMLP2 over JayZ’s MC-HG. They also nominated Macklemore for The Heist, which was released in 2012, but skipped over Kanye and Cole which came out the actual review year (see #18). And after 2014, the Echo Awards were just like fuck it and stuck to only local German acts. This is a blueprint tho of how whenveer Eminem puts outs an album, he wins. And when he doesn’t the industry is just like meh whatever when it comes to rap/hip hop. (The coupe times 5o Cent don’t count because he’s under the Shady umbrella).
So staying in 2001, we get the Grammy Awards. Reflect and tell me what has stood the test of time:
Best Rap Album
The Marshall Mathers LP — Eminem …And Then There Was X — DMX Dr. Dre — 2001 — Dr. Dre Vol. 3… Life and Times of S. Carter — Jay-Z Country Grammar — Nelly
Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group “Forgot About Dre” — Dr. Dre featuring Eminem “Alive” — Beastie Boys “Oooh.” — De La Soul featuring Redman “The Next Episode” — Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg “Big Pimpin’” — Jay-Z featuring UGK
Best Rap Solo Performance “The Real Slim Shady” — Eminem “The Light” — Common “Party Up (Up in Here)” — DMX “Shake Ya Ass” — Mystikal “Country Grammar” — Nelly
2001 the Japan Radio Popular Disc Awards named Best Male Vocalist. So vocalist we’re talking rapping, singing, or any musicality with the mouth and Eminem’s who’s voice and cadence has been the subject of ridicule for many years, is the winner?! Now Eminem winning the Juno Award for Best Selling Album in 2001 and 2003 does make sense. Again, Eminem being able to sell records, being internationally popular, or being a great rapper has never been in dispute. My argument is against Eminem being the goat. This is why without question he’s won several World Music Awards for Worlds Best Selling Rap/Hip Hop Artist.
The Billboard Awards has an inconsistent history of including and excluding rap categories at their whim. In 2002, they decided to combine Rap and R&B Album Of The Year into one category:
The Eminem Show Ashanti, Ashanti Nellyville, Nelly Word of Mouf, Ludacris
But what’s interesting is that year Eminem WAS NOT nominated for neither Rap Artist Of The Year nor R&B/Hip Hop Songs Artist Of The Year. Nelly was nominated for both and won the former. He also beat Eminem for Artist Of The Year and Male Artist Of The Year.
Similar to the ECHO Awards, the MOBO (Music Of Black Origin) Awards in the United Kingdom inconsistenly gave an award for Best Hip Hop Act. Primarily awarded to British acts, Eminem won in 2000. But in 2010 he won Best International Artist and there hip hop was relegated to only within the U.K.
The MTV Europe Awards kept up the fuckery in 2003–04 awarding Eminem Best Hip Hop Act over 50 Cent, Missy, JayZ, and Nelly. That’s cool I suppose. But explain in 2004 Best Hip-Hop Act. In a category that includes Kanye, Nelly, and JayZ, they nominate Beastie Boys and awarded D12. AGAIN we are talking BEASTIE BOYS BEING NOMINATED AND D12 WINNING BEST HIP HOP IN 2004. How Sway?!
The 2005–06 American Music Awards were another contrived example of people not from the culture credentializing who’s the best. Will Smith (The Fresh Prince) won Favorite Pop/Rock Male Artist in a category with 50 Cent. Neither of whom would say they do neither pop nor rock music. However, 50 Cent was also nominated for Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Male Artist along with Ludacris, both losing out to Eminem. I would contend that Eminem makes rap for more of a pop audience than 50. Eminem also won for Favorite Rap Album for Encore over 50 Cent’s The Massacre and T.I.’s Urban Legend. What’s interesting is that they skipped over the 2004 release of College Dropout for the 2005 outing of 50 Cent. In 2006 for Favorite Rap Album the nominees were: The Black Eyed Peas, T.I. for King, and Eminem for Curtain Call. The Black Eyed Peas won rap album in 2005 (including favorite pop album) and 2006. They also won Favorite Rap Group over Dem Franchize Boyz and Three 6 Mafia. Name one Black Eyed Peas song that has impacted the culture like Lean Wit’ It? Not only NOBODY from the culture checking for The Black Eyed Peas like that but they nominated a damn greatest hits album over original work just like the Echo Awards did. Eminem also won Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Artist over Kanye and T.I.
2005 also saw Eminem win Teen Choice Awards for Best Rap Artist and Best Rap Song for Mockingbird. What 15 year olds in 2005 were bumpin this that you know?!
2008 VIBE Magazine again helped crystalize public opinion by creating an online bracket-style tournament naming him the Best Rapper Alive. This is how you manufacture public consent
2010 won an American Music Award for Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Artist and Album over B.o.B. and Drake. Neither Kanye nor Nicki Minaj were nominated. At the Grammy Awards, explain this.
Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: “Crack A Bottle” — Eminem, Dr. Dre & 50 Cent “Too Many Rappers” — Beastie Boys & Nas “Money Goes, Honey Stay” — Fabolous & Jay-Z “Make Her Say” — Kid Cudi, Kanye West & Common “Amazing” — Kanye West & Young Jeezy
When was the last time you heard or even would want to listen to Crack A Bottle over Make Her Say or Amazing?! Then look at Best Rap Album:
Relapse — Eminem Universal Mind Control — Common R.O.O.T.S. — Flo Rida The Ecstatic — Mos Def The Renaissance — Q-Tip
First off, Flo-Rida is hot garbage! Second, Q-Tip and Common’s albums were released in 2008. So if you’re reaching back to ’08, then you have to include Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak, T.I.’s Paper Trail, and Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter III. I’d put Shawty Lo’s Units In The City and Soulja Boy’s iSouljaBoyTellEm up there. Dey Know and Turn My Swag On had a bigger impact on the culture than anything off of Relaps. And ’09 you’re neglected JayZ’s The Blueprint 3.
2010 also saw Eminem win a MTV Europe Music Award for Best Hip Hop Act over Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg, T.I., and Kanye West. And at the Teen Choice Awards, Eminem won Best Rap Artist, Rap Album, and Rap Song for “Love The Way You Lie”. I don’t know what teenagers they were polling but I can take a guess. The Soul Train Awards wanted you to believe that “Love The Way You Lie” was the Best Rap Song of 2010 as well. And at the People’s Choice Awards, Eminem won Favorite Hip Hop Artist over Flo Rida, JayZ, Lil Wayne, and T.I. But again as we reflect back, tell me who and what sound was running hip hop 2008–2010.
So the 2011 Billboard Awards roll around and Eminem wins Top Rap Artist over Drake, Lil Wayne, Ludacris, and Nicki Minaj. Hmm, I guess. Then he gets Top Rap Album for Recovery over:
Thank Me Later — Drake Pink Friday — Nicki Minaj I Am Not a Human Being — Lil Wayne My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy — Kanye West Help me make sense of it!
Then again at the MTV Europe Awards, Eminem won Best Hip Hop. And once more they conflated 2010 releases with 2011. So the nominees included Snoop Dogg and Pitbull who dropped in 2010 and Lil Wayne and JayZ/Kanye West from 2011. This is JayZ/Kanye West as Watch The Throne. But we’re to believe that Eminem’s Recovery was running the rap world more than Watch The Throne.
And at the 2011 People’s Choice Awards, Eminem was given the award over Drake, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, and Ludacris. Eminem beat Drake who put out Thank Me Later and Take Care, back to back?! Same year at the Teen Choice Awards, he beat out Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Pitbull. 2012 People’s Choice gave it to him again over B.o.B., Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, and Pitbull.
MTV Europe Awards back with the bullshit in 2013 giving Eminem the Best Hip Hop Award over Jay-Z, Drake, Kanye West, and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. Even though Macklemore is wack AF, still gotta concede that “Thrift Shop” was a bigger record than Eminem’s 2012–13 output.
2014 at the American Music Awards, Eminem was nominated with Drake but didn’t win. Iggy Azalea incomprehensibly won! 2014 Billboard Awards was a complete sham. Eminem won Top Rap Artist and Top Rap Album over Drake, Pitbull, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and Jay-Z. The nominees fot Top Rap Song was even more outrageous. “Can’t Hold Us” — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton beat out:
“The Monster” — Eminem ft. Rihanna “Holy Grail” — Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake “Thrift Shop” — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz “Timber” — Pitbull ft. Kesha “Started From The Bottom” by Drake didn’t even make the cut.
At the 2015 Grammy’s, Eminem won Best Rap/Sung Collaboration for “The Monster” over ILoveMakonnen’s “Tuesday”. Doesn’t make sense. And although it wasn’t nominated, this is the same year as Chris Brown “Loyal”. And Best Rap Album was in complete shambles from the artists chosen to the consistency of the releases:
The Marshall Mathers LP 2 — Eminem The New Classic — Iggy Azalea Because the Internet — Childish Gambino Nobody’s Smiling — Common Oxymoron — ScHoolboy Q Blacc Hollywood — Wiz Khalifa
2017 MTV Europe Awards awarded Eminem yet again for Best Hip Hop in the same category as Drake, Future, Kendrick Lamar, and Post Malone. I could even see Post Malone winning but Eminem?! And this is following the same year as “Hotline Bling” from Drake. Eminem but no J. Cole 4 Your Eyez Only?! Eminem but no Kanye The Life Of Pablo. Eminem but no Travis Scott Birds In The Trap Sing Midnight?! EMINEM but no Chance The Rapper Coloring Book. Make it make sense! Those are all 2016 releases. Eminem didn’t drop until 2017 with Revival. So then you’re talking Kendrick’s DAMN, Drake’s More Life, Rapsody’s Laila’s Wisdom, Jay-Z’s 4:44, and Vince Staple’s Big Fish Theory among others. MTV Europe Awards even had the audacity to nominate him again in 2018 this time along with Travis Scott, Drake, and the Migos. Fortunately, his lost out to Nicki Minaj.
These award shows create the machinations of validity the lens of the mainstream society. Even when rappers like 2Pac, Snoop, JayZ, Missy Elliott, DMX, etc. crossover, the favorite songs of the mainstream vary quite differently than the favorites of those from within the culture.
And now in 2021, we are already dealing with the propaganda from Eminem’s latest outing Music To Be Murdered By Side A and Side B. He’s already been certified gold and outsold artists like Roddy Ricch and DaBaby who dropped end of 2019. And like his previous projects, it debuted #1 on Billboard, but has an immediate drop off in terms of word of mouth after the first week, and it has ZERO hit songs that resonate in the streets. Once again proving that record sales don’t always equate to moving the culture.
What does it profit black people to create, when others receive the lionshare of the accolades and profits? There’s a system which enabled Elvis to co-opt and supplant Chuck Berry and Rosetta Tharpe. There’s a system which put out the images on television. Moreover, who determined and changed the trajectory of hip hop from its Afrocentric roots to violence, materialism, sex, and drugs?
The historical lack of black toys, superheroes, and action figures was by design. So the question is as Eminem ends the “Pespective” skit, how has he made a difference? In conclusion, I have to reiterate that none of this is to say that Eminem isn’t a great MC and an amazing lyricist. Again, I’m just saying he is not The GOAT.
Source: https://medium.com/@russelllawrencebenford/why-eminem-is-still-not-the-greatest-rapper-of-all-time-6bd14eead52d

Shattered Helix - 2.01 ‌‌-‌‌ Jailhouse Rock

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~‌‌ ‌‌2.01 ‌‌-‌‌ Jailhouse Rock ‌~‌‌
Nexus Cafe, Chicago IL
Monday, June 23rd
“I’m telling you, Shaun. It was the biggest disaster I’ve ever been a part of in a game. Not only did we fail to take down ‘The Master’, we lost the town’s Crystal as well. I know they were just a bunch of NPCs, but I liked them. I hope to see and talk to them again someday.” Kyle said.
“Sounds like you had an amazing experience, Kyle. I haven’t felt that way towards any of the NPCs I’ve met so far while playing. The Federation of Kings area just seems like a normal game to me. Julia and I have gone on quite a few quests together, but she’s blowing past me. She can play all day without worry, while I have to monitor the pods eight hours a day. She’s telling me about how she’s going to win the contest the kingdoms are putting out,” Shaun responded.
“What’s the reward for winning?”
“Something about extra spots for our race and a huge bonus for the winner’s character. They didn’t really spell it out for us.”
“Interesting; I wish we were allowed to record our gameplay. The Tower battle was insane and felt real, and that fucker Frustrated, blowing himself up with the town’s Crystal. I bet I’d had gotten a million hits on the first day.”
“It’s odd. Fantasy is the only game I’ve ever heard of not trying to promote itself through streamers and tubers. Their current methods are working regardless, word of mouth is pushing sales of pods, and interest in the Delve Neurolinks is sky-high. I just read yesterday that Neurolink is going to triple production by the end of the month, with the goal of fifty million units a month. Mom and dad bought the space next door and are expanding the cafe with another hundred and twenty capsules.”
“Wow, business will be good for you guys.”
“It will, but I’ve told them I’d like to be able to play more. My parents are going to need to hire some outside help with the new pods. No way a single person can monitor two hundred pods solo.”
“Has your mom or dad tried the game yet?”
“Mom has; she loves it but doesn’t have enough time in the day to play it. Dad said he’s waiting for that Outbreak zombie game to come out before he tries.”
“What’d your mom make for the special today?”
“Stuffed peppers and mashed potatoes, the real kind, not that flaky shit.”
“Oh, I’ll be right back then.”
Flea came back a few minutes later after grabbing a to-go box for his stuffed peppers and mash. He found Shaun talking with a cute short girl with brown hair and a button nose. Taking a seat next to Shaun, Kyle laid his head on Shaun’s shoulders.
“Why are you talking to my man?” Kyle said.
“What the hell, man?” Shaun stuttered out.
The girl grabbed her stomach as she laughed.
“Oh, Shaun, the look on your face was priceless. Who’s your friend?” she asked.
“Both of you are so not cool. Julia, this is Kyle, Kyle, Julia.”
Laughing, Kyle shook her hand.
“So, how do you like Fantasy so far?”
“I wish I could play it more, even while I’m sleeping. I would love to find a way to pay for a Delve Neurolink, but I’m going to be stuck using a pod for quite a long time. What part of the Federation of Kings are you playing in?”
“Oh, I’m not in the Federation of Kings. Actually, I have no idea where I’ll be playing once I log back in later today.”
“Oh, you have your chip already?”
“Yep, first batch.”
“Damn, I envy you. What’s your gameplay like?”
Kyle proceeded to tell his tale about Noto Island and how he and the players failed miserably at protecting the town from the necromancer of The Tower. Kyle explained to the two how the Crystals worked in each of the cities and villages, and when he’s able to respawn in an hour. He could be sent to any town or city on Mea.
They continued telling one another stories of their gameplay so far. Kyle found out Julia was aiming to be a druid. She told him about one of the temples within her kingdom with skill cores for sale, allowing players to shapeshift into different animals, but she hadn't made it to level 10 yet.
Kyle warned both of them to make sure they were naked and inside a bath when they hit level 10. He continued to explain the issues with gaining that first Mana Gate. Shaun and Julia immediately exploded with inquiries.
“Guess the cats out of the bag. Please don’t tell anyone about me. I’m afraid of what people will do to try and bring me down a peg,” Kyle said.
“I won’t tell anyone. I wish you could fast travel to us and help us out with power leveling,” Julia said.
“Never know. I might spawn in your Federation of Kings when I log back into the game.”
“When can you respawn and find out?”
“Bob, how much longer on my lockout?”
[Little over thirty-six minutes, Kyle.]
“I have thirty-six minutes.”
“You named your AI, Bob?” Both Shaun and Julia asked at the same time.
“Yea, I just used his serial number to name him. What did you expect me to name him, Jarvis or Alfred?”
[Oh, I like Jarvis, why did you not name me Jarvis?]
“I’m sorry, Bob. Do you want me to change your name?”
[Negative, I was trying out another joke.]
The trio continued speaking about Fantasy for a little longer. Checking the time, Kyle excused himself, threw away his take away container, and headed for home.
After making sure to shower and use the facilities, he went to his bed and logged into his MicroWorld. Standing at the door to Fantasy, he stared at the timer as it counted down, waiting for the final minute to slowly tick away.
Waiting three minutes here for one minute to pass in Fantasy blows.
“Bob, when I’m waiting on a lockout, could you speed up time within the Microworld so it’s in sync with Fantasy? I hate waiting longer for the lockouts.”
[Sure thing, Kyle.]
As the timer reached zero, Flea opened the door, ready to walk through. Before he could take a step, a notification popped up at the bottom right of his vision. Stopping himself from walking through the door, Flea opened it, revealing an email from Elenmel.

Mail: To Flea - From Elenmel
Flea!
I am happy to hear you’re playing Fantasy. Ken and I are playing as well. We took part in a new medical capsule trial and are currently living permanently on our joint MicroWorld. The trial we’ve joined is a year long. In three months, we will be taken out for the first round of testing.
We’re currently staying in a small village on the west coast of Ranotite called Fomin. If you can figure out where that is, we would love for you to find us and play together. I have limited access to the mail system as I’m never on our MicroWorld. I only send out this email and some others to the guild while waiting for my death lockout. I’d invite you to our MicroWorld, but we are rarely here unless one of us dies.
Hope to see you soon,
Elenmel.

Flea was beyond happy. He now knew where Iron and Elen were and had a chance to see them again, possibly. Flea asked Bob to make a note of their location so he could find it and visit them. Flea replied to the email, sending his love and letting her know he would follow up with them again once he figured out where he and they were in the world.
With his day now looking brighter than it had, Flea walked through the door to wherever fate would lead him. Opening his eyes and looking around, he found himself at the center of a town right out of medieval Europe. The buildings were all constructed out of timber, wattle, and daub. Each floor being slightly larger and hanging over the floor below it.
Reaching to touch the Crystal, he received its miniature respawn version. Looking into his bag, he found the town’s name to be Dustgrove. Flea turned around, ready to start walking around and learning about this new town, but was stopped by the tip of a spear at his throat. The guard at the other end of the spear started blowing into a whistle, causing long, loud-shrilling bursts of sound.
Spitting out the whistle, the guard started yelling at Flea to lay on the ground. When the other guards came running over, the spear-wielding guard yelled at them to get more backup and chain Flea up.
“What the hell is going on? What did I do?” Flea yelled.
“Shut up, necromancer. Coming into our town while carrying necromantic items is a breach of the Undead Accords. You’ll be sentenced to the mines for this.”
“What are you talking about? I just died on Noto Island, where a necromancer’s sons destroyed the town. Are you sure it’s not from being near them? I’m not a necromancer, I swear! I just started playing the game two weeks ago.”
The guard gave Flea a puzzled look, then removed an amulet from around his neck. He brought it close, holding it over Flea, then slowly moved down towards his magic bag. When the charm got closer to Flea’s bag, it started glowing a bright white. Returning the amulet to his neck, the guard told the others there was something in Flea’s magic bag. He ordered them to take Flea to the cells, and they would sort things out there.
Flea found himself tossed into a very dank smelling cell, with straw spread on its floor. Getting to his feet, Flea tried to plead with the guard to tell him what was going on. The Gnome got nothing but the guard’s back as he walked away.
Flea was forced to wait an hour within the cell before an older Eleven guard came to stand in front of his cell. Flea felt his gaze on him for a while before the Elf spoke.
“You don’t look like much of a necromancer, Gnome,” the Elf said with palpable disdain.
“That’s because I’m not a necromancer. I just got killed trying to destroy one at the last town I was staying in.”
“Then why is it you hold an item of necromantic magic?”
“I have no such...” Flea stopped himself as he realized what he had.
“Figure something out, did you?”
“Yea, I did. I swiped a damn book while the brothers had their backs turned. I believe that is what your guard detected. I had no idea what it was at the time.”
“Regardless, you brought it into our town, and by The Accords, you will be punished.”
“Can’t I just give it to you?” Flea said as he took it out to hand to the guard.
The guard took a step back as he cursed and yelled for assistance. Three guards were within his cell in an instant, holding him to the ground with their spears. Dropping the book to the ground, Flea tried to scream as something clamped around his neck, but not a sound came out.
The older guard took a white cloth from his pocket and used it to pick up the book’s corner, and then placed it into a chest a guard was holding open.
“Take him to the mine. The town will never know what this Gnome could have brought down on us. I will inform the baron and have this book destroyed.”
Flea was dragged by the shoulders outside and then thrown into the back of a wooden carriage with metal bars across the windows and a metal door. The Gnome had been in the back of the carriage for what seemed like hours before it finally stopped. The guards opened the door and dragged him out. Every time Flea tried to speak to the guards, nothing but gurgles escaped his throat.
Entering a large gate attached to a stone and wooden palisade, Flea found himself in what he could only describe as a makeshift concentration camp. There were four identical large cabins, all in various stages of disrepair, near the entrance of the cave’s mouth. A larger and cleaner looking barracks was to the right of the gate they had just entered. There was a Crystal, like the one back at the town, in front of the barracks. Unlike the one in town, this Crystal was bright red. As the guards dragged him towards the red Crystal, a massive Orc came from the barracks’ door.
“New blood today, boys?”
“Yes, sir. This dumbshit brought a Book of the Dead into the town with him. The captain wants him maxed on the sentence.”
“Oh, what a terrible mistake for you to make, but a great mistake for my purse string,” the Orc chuckled.
The guards dragged him closer to the Crystal, while the Orc pulled a very ornate looking dagger from his bag. Taking Flea’s hand, the Orc cut the Gnome’s palm and forced it upon the red Crystal. When his hand made contact, a notification popped up.

You have committed a crime within Dustgrove and sentenced to a one-year labor contract for bringing a banned artifact within Dustgrove.
Failure of the completion of the one-year contract will eject and ban you from The Games.
The warden has placed the maximum price of 50 gold as the buyout for your sentence.

The guards then removed the collar from around Flea’s neck, allowing him to hear his voice once more.
“An entire year for bringing a book into town? That’s insane. Why would the game punish someone like this?”
“Be glad you didn’t bring it into one of the capitals. They have the power to remove you from The Games right away for such a crime.”
“How hard is it to make the 50 gold to buy out my sentence?”
“Well, you can sell us any ore, after you’ve turned in your 20 iron ore each day, at 3 copper apiece. How fast can you mine around 167,000 ore? You could get lucky and find a gem or two. We’ll give you some gold pieces for those. But I’d plan on being here for that entire year,” the Orc said cheerfully.
The warden told the guards to take Flea to cabin four and let him sleep the night away before starting his sentence tomorrow. Getting to the cabin, the guards removed Flea’s shackles and allowed him to enter. They informed him not to try to escape, or he’d be killed as soon as he passed the Crystal boundary. Racking up deaths on his lockout wouldn’t do him any favors for meeting his daily quota. They also let him know someone would soon be by to explain the rules of his sentence.
It didn’t take long after the guards left him for a Canine Beastkin to come into the cabin. The Beastkin had the look of a short German shepherd, but still two heads taller than Flea.
“Welcome to Warden Or’loc’s paradise, as the Orc says. I’m Uglar, mine's foreman. I’m here to explain to you how things work around here. That red Crystal outside they had you place your bloody hand onto is called a Retribution Crystal. It allows those in leadership roles of towns and cities to enforce punishment on The Game’s players.”
“You’ll find smaller versions of them around the mountain and the palisade surrounding the camp. If you cross this boundary, you’ll find yourself instantly snuffed. For thirty minutes after every morning’s day’s start bells, you can find food at the main campfire. Once those thirty minutes are up, they remove the food. Make sure you eat every day, or it gets harder to meet your quota. That said, you are required to bring twenty chunks of iron back with you to turn in at the afternoon’s day end bells. If you fail this requirement, they will double your next day’s quota and deny you food. If you do this too many times, you’ll start to fall far behind and eventually fail the terms of the Retribution Contract. You never want that to happen, trust me.” Uglar explained.
Well, fuck me. Prison themed gameplay. I never understood why people loved to play these types of games. I hope Khorwin, Martina, and Niseph got sent to someplace better than this.

[MF] Zantar part 2

“An alien could make sense,” said Dr. O’Sullivan. “Our enzymes aren’t capable of fragmenting his genetic material for testing. That could be because it’s chemically independent of our own DNA.”

Dr. O’Sullivan turned away from Alecia and looked at Zantar. “Where. Are. You. From?” he enunciated.

“The forest,” replied Zantar.

O’Sullivan nodded. “But before that?”

“Let me show you.”

Dr. O’Sullivan’s eyes suddenly rolled back in his head. His stomach flipped like he was riding a rollercoaster as Zantar’s crash landing played out in his mind. He placed his hands on his bulbous belly.

“Zantar, look out!” Alecia shielded the boy with her body as O’Sullivan let out a loud belch followed by a flow of white liquid. It splashed onto the floor and kept projecting forward till it sprayed all over Alecia’s back.

“Miraculous!” shouted Dr. O’Sullivan, snapping out of the illusion. He wiped the vomit from his chin and quickly pulled a towel from the sink in his office. He tossed it to Alecia to clean up. “This link between minds. It could allow for rapid transfer of information.”

O’Sullivan spun around and started searching through the upper cabinets. He chose a book he was familiar with and put Zantar’s abilities to the test. “Tell me child, how much do you know of human biology?”

“Absolutely nothing,” frowned Zantar. “I don’t even know my own biology.”

“We’ll get to that later… for now, listen here…” Dr. O’Sullivan opened the textbook to a chapter on diagnosing skin conditions. “A punch biopsy is a minimally invasive procedure in which a millimeter radius hole is made in the patient’s skin where there is a suspicious growth or lesion…” The doctor slammed the book shut and stared into Zantar’s eyes. “Describe the tool being used.”

“A circular blade attached to something that looks kind of like a pencil...”

“Fascinating,” said the doctor, “and what diseases might this be used to diagnose?”

“Lentigo melanoma… nummu- nummular dermatitis?”

“Even more interesting,” continued the doctor. “Those were the precise cases for the last two patients I used the procedure on… Ms. Staight do you know what this means?”

Alecia nodded. “Instantaneous learning.”

“Precisely!” exclaimed Dr. O'Sullivan. “As long as the person speaking has a full understanding of the concept being spoken of; Zantar gains the entire breadth of their knowledge on the subject. At least their most recent knowledge. I tell him I have three kids, for example, and he immediately knows their names.”

“Margaret, Jessie, and Sullie,” called out Zantar.

“It’s remarkable,” replied Alecia. “He could advance much faster than an average child let alone a feral child.”

“We need to be reading him Plato and Paine,” exclaimed O'Sullivan. “Maybe even Machiavelli.”

“Isn’t that too political for a child?”

“That’s up for him to decide!” shouted the doctor. “He doesn’t absorb our opinions from our minds, just all the proximal facts. I’m actually curious as to how his innate biology will organize all this new information. He could see patterns completely invisible to our mere human understanding!”

“Boston is the mouth of America,” concluded Zantar after a long day exploring the city’s historical sights. They’d marched the Freedom Trail and watched some reenactments of the events leading up to the Revolutionary War. Alecia and Dr. O’Sullivan decided that a good way to begin Zantar’s philosophical education should begin with the birth of American politics. Zantar had absorbed so much from the tour guides and actors they’d met that O’Sullivan begged his alien mind to craft his own opinion of it all.

“The mouth?” questioned O’Sullivan; it was not the answer he expected. “Now why would Boston be the mouth?”

“Well if Kansas City is the heart of America,” replied Zantar, “and St. Augustine is the asshole.”

“Wait, what do you have against St. Augustine?”

“Nothing, it’s just been here the longest,” said Zantar with a smirk.

“Very clever,” grinned Alecia. “So then what makes Boston the mouth?”

“It’s always spilling tea.”

Alecia laughed. O’Sullivan restrained. He was trying to get Zantar to take this seriously. He doubted the alien brain’s capacity for rhetoric stopped at jokes.

“Why not the brain of America?” asked Dr. O’Sullivan. “We’re the center of biotechnology in the US.”

“I mean sure,” said Zantar with a sarcastic grin, “but there’s several of these so called centers throughout the country. The list includes Durham.”

“Where’s Durham?”

“Exactly,” snorted Zantar.

“Is he shitting on Boston, now?” chuckled Alecia. “I guess he’s a real Bostonian, then.”

Zantar shook his head. “There might be something of an initiation missing. At least from what I’ve scanned of everyone else. It’s a common memory. Something that binds you all together into a single cell.”

“Really? Well, where would you like to go?”

Zantar smiled. “Fenway.”

Of course the cold weather prevented any baseball from going on, but that hasn’t stopped the town from setting up a winter wonderland for the young and young at heart in the center of the field. There were two structures: an ice rink for skating and a three-story luge for downhill games. The suggested games were either sledding or tubing, but Zantar had his own activity in mind: grabbing his ankles and rolling down like a snowball.

As Zantar tumbled down the hill, he felt the snow slowly building up on his back. He opened his eyes and saw the world flipping over and over. He let the dizziness take away all his sensations. He laughed uncontrollably and sent these feelings into the air. The whole crowd on the mound felt a sudden rush of warmth under their hats. Zantar imagined Curdtar rolling beside him. The kids at the top of the hill stared in confusion as the illusion of a rolling raccoon suddenly appeared on the slope.

Alecia met Zantar at the bottom. She helped the boy wipe the frost off his clothes. “I got you something to warm up,” she said, handing the boy a hot chocolate and a Fenway frank.

“Thank you,” said Zantar. Zantar lifted the hotdog up to the foam cup and dunked the tip into the cocoa.

“Those don’t usually go together,” warned Alecia.

Zantar bit down anyways. A tad soggy, but overall he liked it. Zannite was zannite.

Suddenly, Zantar’s chewing slowed to a halt as his attention was hung up on strange colors appearing in the clouds overhead. A thin black rod pierced through the stratus layer blinking bicolored; two slow, solid beeps of yellow followed by four rapid flashes of green.

Zantar turned to face Alecia. She was staring at the lights with bewilderment. She turned her head and stared back at Zantar. It seemed neither of them had any quick answers as to what they were witnessing.

“It’s a ship,” murmured O’Sullivan. He pointed up towards the sky as the needle threaded further through the clouds revealing a large funnel-like structure attached to its base. It looked like a metallic Solo cup, spinning on its y-axis.

Screaming sounded off in the distance followed by strange metallic chirps. The people on the slopes began running towards the exits to the stadium but were blocked off by what looked like astronauts with salmon colored body suits and steel-colored orbs encasing their heads.

In the hands of these spacemen were rifles just as silvery as their head-gear. When they pulled the trigger, a flash of yellow light would expel from the tip of the gun. Anyone hit by the beams splattered like they’d been hit by a bus. Parents tried throwing their children over the walls of the stadium into the bleachers before they could be shot. Barely anyone was able to escape and the assailants seemed to be killing indiscriminately.

Zantar was quickly scooped up by Dr. O’Sullivan, who was now running across the snowy field, trying not to slip on the slush. Zantar peered over O’Sullivan’s side to witness Alecia take a blast to the shoulder, caving in the top-right corner of her body. She fell to the ground with a lifeless gaze.

O’Sullivan kept charging forward. He had no time to waste. He couldn’t look back, not even for Alecia. He knew in his head these men were here for Zantar; and that Zantar, very likely, was never supposed to have been on Earth. That left Zantar’s fate up to chance which was not a reliable condition for a child.

O’Sullivan got Zantar to a row of small, brave hands reaching down from the bleachers trying to help other kids up. They latched onto Zantar just as a blast knocked the doctor’s head off his shoulders. Zantar heard the blast strike, but he couldn’t bear to see another friend torn to shreds. He kept his glimpse forward and took the doctor’s silence as a sign he did not survive.

Zantar began dashing up the stairs between the stands with the other kids. They dashed out into the halls of the stadium and spread out in all directions. Shrieks rang out as more spacemen appeared; walking slowly through the sea of kids, ignoring them for the most part. Every now and then a child would attack their legs with their fists and kicks, but then the space-men would just fling them away with a brisk push.

These spacemen were different from the ones outside. These ones had their blasters holstered on their backs. Their hands were full with blue tarps instead. These blankets had a second layer on their bottom of what looked like bronze webbing.

Zantar tried to keep his head low as he wandered aimlessly through the crowd, but despite his hiding he soon found himself, once again, wedged between two walls of militia. The nearest spaceman grabbed Zantar’s head and shoved him backwards into an empty corner. Then another spaceman dropped the blue curtain over Zantar’s head. As the webbing touched Zantar’s skin, a little zap sent him unconscious.

He awoke three hours later in a padded cell. He felt no pain and he didn’t seem to be confined to any chains or restraints. The cushions on the wall were made from black sponges. Zantar rested his hands against them, pushing the fabric in and out. Then he looked upwards at the room’s only source of light on the ceiling. The whole top was a glass window, with the stars glowing through. Zantar looked up at the sky; he could see a tiny blue dot where Earth was. Zantar sat back down in his cell and coiled his legs up to his chest. He was back in space.

A whirring sound whistled along the edge of the cell’s only door. It slid open, revealing an older man that looked a lot like Zantar but taller and the top of his head had a large hump on it. The man squinted and read through Zantar’s recent memories.

“Concerning,” he said. “After learning conversation, you might have difficulty transitioning back.”

“Excuse me?”

“Conversation has become redundant, child. A vast majority of your kind simply shares memories,” explained the tall man. “It saves time. It conveys all the information in a single instant.”

Zantar shook his head. He didn’t understand. The tall man twitched his eyes. Suddenly, Zantar did understand.

Zantar could recall numerous instances of the tall man sharing memories in the past. He did it to buy groceries. He did it to catch-up with friends. He did it to spice up the bedroom.

Zantar’s also saw the man’s name.

“Xux-596,” muttered Zantar.

“But who are you?” replied Xux. “I don’t think Zantar will be culturally acceptable.” Xux addressed the walls. “Computer!” he shouted. “Run a biographical assembly for the boy.”

“LNA matching… maternal parent found: Hoh-2755 of Nyan Tolo.”

“Contact close connections. Inquire on names,” commanded Xux.

“Contacting relatives,” replied the feminine voice of the computer. “Asking for input. No interest. Contacting recent mates. Asking for input. No interest. Contacting close personal friends. Asking for input. Sax-1080 says, ‘After a night of drinking, Hoh-9100 was the top choice. If it’s stolen, Jix-180.’”

In Albionian culture, their preference towards minimalism has led to most names being formed of a single syllable of which there were countless, yet some were more popular than others. Due to the large amount of repeatability given the size of their population, this syllable is then followed by a number to act as a unique identifier. It’s considered good luck for the number to end in a zero; even better luck if it ends in multiple. It’s also a recent trend to name boys after their mothers.

“Is Hoh-9100 taken?” asked Xux.

“It was taken twenty-one days ago,” droned the computer, “but Jix is free.”

“Then Jix-180 it is.”

“Affirmative. Creating an official record.”

“I’m Zantar…” said Zantar.

“Perhaps today, but we will reassimilate you,” sneered Xux, “you too will realize it sounds like a pet’s name and crave your mother’s nomer. Just the same, you will talk less and less, only speaking to address your hardware. And then you will begin to dress in the proper colors to diminish the odd looks. And you will take alcohol baths twice daily to avoid rude comments. Your ferality will slowly recede and you will prefer the civilized ways of Albionians.”

“Civilized?” questioned Zantar. “You blew away my friends.”

“Humans are not a negotiating species, Jix. They kill their own race one whole city at a time. They’re films depict us as unreasonable invaders who need to be slaughtered. We couldn’t risk our lives. We performed an appropriate extraction.”

Zantar began kicking at the padded walls; he shrieked out loud. His anger boiled over, but unlike the humans, it didn’t seem to phase fellow Albionians. Being around mind readers their whole lives they’ve learned how to keep others out if they so wish.

“I bet you're hungry,” said Xux. “I can prepare you dinner.”

Zantar stopped his tantrum and turned to face Xux. “I’ve been through enough peace offerings to know when I’m just being manipulated.”

“So you’ll never eat again?”

“Not across from you.”

Xux shrugged. “Fine, I’ll stand, you will eat. And if you do, I’ll share with you something of interest.”

Zantar snarled. He couldn’t imagine being persuaded, but Xux had come prepared.

“Your mother’s death, Jix, I know it’s intimate details,” explained Xux,” and you won’t hear them from anyone else. They’re military secrets.”

“You’re military?” questioned Zantar. “They sent the military for a rescue mission?”

“In advanced society, that’s all a military is facilitated to do…”

Zantar walked up to Xux, then ducked under his arm and walked past him. “Show me to your kitchen.”

Once there, Zantar was presented with three photos laid out on the dining table. “Cip-4444, San-34201, and Mik-3,” said Xux, standing at the edge of the table. “These are the men who killed your mother and many more mothers like her in an attempt to establish an illegal weapons cache on Mars.”

Zantar examined their features. They all looked like him, and they looked like Xux. They were grey and their eyes were big, black, and soulless. Zantar missed the eyes of humans. They had touches of color.

“So this society is advanced and civilized but it creates men like this,” huffed Zantar.

“Every society has its detractors,” defended Xux. “It’s how we deal with them that makes us enlightened.”

“...which is.”

“It’s your decision,” he said with a tight grin. “At least, it should be… there are some who believe a feral child should not have a say in punishment, that it would be like asking a wild animal to play judge and jury.”

“What even makes something an animal?” questioned Zantar.

“A lack of subtlety,” replied Xux.

“Do you think I’m an animal?”

“Of course you're not, and there is no reason to judge your decision as primal without having heard what you propose, first.” Xux bent his head down towards the table. “So, if you have any initial thoughts, now would

be the time to share.”

“Blast them to pieces,” said Xantar with a laugh, “like you did to the humans.”

“Oh Jix,” said Xux, displaying a frown. He returned to a straight posture. “I’m afraid we don’t kill our prisoners. We minimize death whenever possible. Discipline included.”

Zantar growled. “Then what do you expect me to say. What other option is there?!”

“You could make them wear black.”

“Black?!”

“For the rest of their lives.”

Zantar clenched his fists and the internal agony became too much to bear.

“It’s the color of surrender,” explained Xux. “It would be very embarrassing for a soldier of the Green Moon.”

Zantar stayed silent. He pulsated with anger.

“Right,” sighed Xux, having waited too long for a response. “You need more time. The bloodlust of the humans is still inside you. When it fades, you’ll know the answer.”

Xux went into the fridge to pulled out some food for Zantar. He slid it onto the kitchen table in front of his face. Then Xux walked away. “I promised I wouldn’t bother you while you ate,” he called out from down the hall, “but then use this time to think wisely.”

Xux had given Zantar what looked like a glass baby bottle with a bright orange rubber nipple. The fluid inside was thick and completely transparent.

Zantar cringed. This was no zannite. He popped off the top and smelled the liquid. It was odorless. He gagged then hurled it at the wall. The glass smashed and left a colorless smear.

“I want them set free,” called out Zantar, his fist pressed against the table. “I want them set free on Mars, on whatever shanty base they’ve made on the surface. I want you to supply them with that minimalist slime you served me in a bottle. And that’s it. You take away their vehicles and all lines of communication. What you leave is three men and their den in the woods. And they’re to be left there till they're not the same.”

Xux came back into the room with a peaceful expression. “It will be arranged.”

“And I will decide when they’re not the same!”

How to Make an Extra $1,000 a Month (25 Ways That Actually Work)

I'm 32 years old, working as a Product Manager / Instructor in Toronto and making ~$78,000 (CAD)

This is an update of my MD from last year, which you can find here. All figures are in CAD. (Approx. CAD/USD conversion is 1 CAD = 0.75 USD. So my income is ~$58,240 USD. I've tried to note the change since last time where I could!
Section One: Assets and Debt

Total NW: $81,100
- Up from ~$58,000 last year.
Retirement Balance (and how you got there): $62,230
- Up from $45,466 last year. I've been adding to my RRSP since my first "real" job in highschool - while my early contributions were miniscule, it got me in the habit of saving. My previous employer had a good match, which also helped.
Savings account balance: $11,290
- TFSA up from $9,846 last year. Not a huge improvement - I focused more on my RRSP and Emergency Fund this year.
Emergency Fund Balance: $7,500
- Was $1,103 last year.
Chequing Account Balance:
- Almost everything gets autotransferred on payday to my retirement accounts, sinking funds, or a holding account where my bills are autopaid from. I only keep my "discretionary spending" money in this account.
Debt: None. I pay off my cc as soon as I make a purchase, and check my transactions/pay off any autopay on a weekly basis. I run all my purchases through my cc to get points toward free groceries.
Additional Questions:
- Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?: There was expectation, but not from family - I was the first in my family to go to higher ed. They saved and planned to contribute if I did want to go, but what I did after highschool was up to me. I was top of my class in highschool so there was a lot of expectations from the other adults in my life (teachers, school counselors, etc) that I would really make something of myself. My parents paid my tuition for two years of my undergrad, my grandparents gave me a few thousand dollars as a gift toward my expenses and the remainder I paid for myself with my savings from working part time and through summers.
- Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? We didn't have any serious conversations about money, but there was a lot of emphasis on saving long term, saving up for things we wanted, and occasionally if I wanted something expensive (like when I wanted my hair done for middle school graduation), a discussion about how mom or dad would have worked X hours to pay for it. I never felt hard done by, but there were definitely a lot of things other kids had or got to do that we didn't. Once I got my first job I didn't get any spending money from my parents anymore.
- What was your first job and why did you get it?: In 8th grade I got a job at my school, cleaning tables during lunch recess (our school didn't have a cafeteria, so kids ate at their desks). The principal offered it to me and my best friend. It paid $50/month. It seems insane now because we were not old enough to work legally. In hindsight I think it was the school finding a way to subsidize the costs of the year-end school trip (a week-long overnight trip out of province) for two families who didn't quite qualify for the school's official aid but wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise. All the money went to the trip, and I babysat to get some spending money.
- Did you worry about money growing up?: Not really. There were some lean times but I never felt like I really wanted for anything. By the time I was in highschool things had gotten much more stable.
- Do you worry about money now? Yep. Not about day-to-day spending, but I worry about longer-range money issues like whether I'll be able to own a home, save enough to retire, etc. A lot of my friends are a lot more comfortable and able to buy homes and generally be freer with money, mostly those in dual-income-no-kids situations - and I'm feeling that lag a bit.
- At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?: I haven't received any financial support from family since I was about 20, but if my parents come to visit me they'll usually bring some grocery items from their Costco runs and refuse to accept payment for it. I currently have about 4 months' emergency fund saved, and could last another 6 on my TFSA if I needed to. Working on bumping this up!
- Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?: While I was in undergrad and paying my own tuition my grandparents gave me $2000 as a birthday gift to give me a little breathing room in my budget and so "you can do something other than work and study". They were hoping it would enable me to meet a husband and get my MRS (hahaha). It did not, but it did ease my stress about money.

Section Two: Income

Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,816 after deductions. I got a 10% raise in July.
- Deductions: Tax $882, EI $86, CPP $137, Retirement plan $210 (matched by employer)
PTO: 18 days + 5 additional during the holidays when our office is shut.
Bonus: I get a bonus each year from the day job as well. This year, $5500 pre-tax.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: ~$900 averaged monthly
- Varies year to year based on student enrolment and whether I get funding for additional content development time.
Salary Story (Averaged hourly earnings into approx annual earnings so it's more "apples to apples" comparison)
- Pre-2010: ~$15-20k per year. Various jobs during highschool and university. Retail, farm and animal shelter work, tutoring, baby/pet/housesitting, factory job in the summers.
- 2010: ~$35k Intern, Retail, Nanny, Temp. I graduated university and started some postgrad certificate courses full time through summer. Had a PT retail job, a FT unpaid internship after summer classes ended, and was a nanny for a relative's kids in exchange for a steep discount on room and board. After my internship ended I picked up a temp receptionist gig that paid well while it lasted - I was able to save up to move out to my own place after Christmas.
- Q1 + Q2 of 2011: ~$22k Freelancer / Assistant. The company I interned for hired me back as a freelancer at $19/hr, and I got a remote job as a "business assistant" (aka whatever they needed) at min wage, but I could set my own hours and work up to 35hrs/week. I crammed in as much as I could because my freelance job wasn't guaranteed.
- Remainder of 2011: ~$36k - Digital Assistant. My day job offered me a FT position and I was so grateful for the stability (my freelance hours had been uneven) that I accepted their first offer not realizing it was less than I was making as a freelancer. I remind myself that at least now I have benefits and some security, and I still have my other job. Two weeks later they tell me if I don't quit my remote "business assistant" job I'll be fired since that company is in the same industry, so I do. Pushover!
- 2013: ~37k - Digital Assistant. Yep, two years, no promotion, small raise. Love working in the arts! /s. After I was forced out of my remote job in 2011 I started babysitting, petsitting, shoveling snow for my older neighbours - anything I could to bring in some extra cash, but I have no idea what I made from that work. Most of it ended up going out the door pretty quick on regular life expenses.
- 2014: $40k - Digital Coordinator. Promotion at last. I struggled a lot with depression throughout the end of 2013 and all of 2014 after some traumatic events, and I'm so shocked and thrilled that something good actually happened. I don't negotiate because I'm a husk of a person. By this point I'm not functional enough to keep up all my side gigs.
- 2016: ~$45k - Digital Coordinator / Instructor: After so much therapy I'm starting to realize my company is trash and my industry is a dead end for me, and I actually have the confidence to do something about it. I dump my shitty boyfriend. I get a part time gig as an instructor. My boss tells me in my performance review I have "no leadership potential" and I go home and immediately start looking for another job.
- 2017: ~$63k - Product Manager / Instructor: After many failed interviews, I finally get a new job offer at $55k - less than a PM typically makes in Toronto, but more than I was making before, and I was so hungry for a new opportunity I just jump on it. My new manager is really invested in my PD, within the first few months they have me speak on their behalf at three conferences and commit to $2,500 of PD spending.
- 2018: ~$76k - Product Manager / Instructor: I get a raise at my day job (modest - about $2500) but it's a crackerjack year for the course I teach - it's a high enrolment year so I have more sections. Less free time, but now that I'm more experienced it's a bit easier and it'd be hard to find another side gig that pays as well for the amount of time I put in.
- 2020: ~78k - Product Manager / Instructor: Sensing a theme? I'm not much of a job hopper, which I know is impacting my salary growth, but I'm a "craves stability" person and I love my job, they are constantly giving me opportunities to learn and grow and investing in my PD. Plus a 10% raise.

Section Three: Expenses

Rent: $1,505 including utilities - just went up from $1,476 in September. I live solo in a one-bedroom in an old walk-up building.
Renters insurance: $29
Retirement contributions: $1,600
Sinking Funds contributions: $205
Emergency Fund contribution: $500, plus occasional random lump sums if I have discretionary funds left over.
Donations: approx $100/mo, sometimes more. I volunteer about 10-15 hrs/month with different organizations throughout the year, though it varies based on their activities. Been helping with a lot of digital admin/tech support/mailing list stuff this year.
Internet: $68
Cellphone: $48
Transit: About $14/month - I'm working from home, and my neighbourhood has everything I need within walking distance. I use transit a handful of times a month these days, so I just plonk some money on my card when I need to.
Therapy: $540 per quarter for BetterHelp, approx $168/month.
- I get $800/year reimbursed under my work benefits.
Subscriptions: $27 - Netflix, Spotify, extra iCloud storage, and a Quip toothbrush.

--------
Diary:

Day 1 - Thursday ($42)

9am - Slept in! I have today and tomorrow off (using up some PTO) and am glad for the extra rest, but the construction work around my apartment building kicks off at 9:01 on the dot, waking me up. I browse the internet before showering and getting the day started.
11am - I have a massage appointment so I mask up and walk over. It’s a sunny fall morning, so an enjoyable walk. I’ve been in a lot of pain the last while after an unexpected hospital stay and medical procedures so I’m really looking forward to some relief now that I’m cleared to have this massage! ($30 tip for my RMT, insurance covers the actual bill.) I was nervous about COVID safety but this is a small clinic and they’re taking it really seriously (face shields and masks for all!), and it’s nice to have a massage - it’s the first “non-invasive, non-medical” human touch I’ll have since March, since I live by myself and have been strict about distancing. I have to say, it feels incredibly weird to be naked except a mask. Like being naked with a watch on.
12:45pm - I feel so much better! I walk a long route home to enjoy the sunshine and stop at a bakery and pick up some pumpkin, apple, and caramel scones ($12 for three, incl tip), since they have a little doorway table for service. Most cafes in the neighbourhood have restored indoor seating and I feel weird about going inside past unmasked diners. Once I get back home I have a scone, spend a couple of hours answering students’ questions for my teaching job, and wash some dishes in the kitchen. The afternoon sort of disappears into that, plus some random internet browsing/YouTube sewing tutorials.
6pm - Therapy call (prepaid - I use BetterHelp and pay quarterly - I’m due to pay in 2 weeks). I am so grateful to be back in therapy. Isolation has been hard on me, and my medical situation really left me raw. It’s scary to have a totally normal day and end it in an ambulance unexpectedly, and I’m still unpacking my feelings about it.
7pm - I sodastream some water, add lavender syrup, and hop on Zoom for game night with some friends. We play Jackbox games together and snort-laugh the whole way through. This is a new group I was just starting to befriend IRL in the weeks before the pandemic. These weekly game nights have been so great to keep the momentum.
9pm - I dress my last tortilla as a pizza, bake it, and then dump the remainder of a box of arugula on top after it’s out of the oven and eat it over the sink like a crispy pizza taco. After eating I text a bit with a guy I met on reddit (henceforth RG - Reddit Guy - same guy from my last MD.) He sends me a video of his dog doing tricks, and we count down and hit play on the same TV episode. We’ve been doing this little nightly ritual since the start of the pandemic, and it’s a nice way to keep this long-distance whatever-this-is going. Things have stepped up from merely flirty to decidedly romantic in the last year, but with the US/Canadian border closed for the foreseeable future who knows where this is going or if we’ll ever get to meet.
11:30pm - I have a quick warm bath before bedtime and after making a nest from all my pillows, fall asleep to a “sleep story” from the Calm app. Some smooth-voiced man talking about an island in Norway takes me away.

Day 2 - Friday ($69)

8am - I wake up before my alarm, laze around in bed reading newsletters and reddit. I open my work email, file away all the automated messages I get from our software, and close it again. I usually check it once a day on vacation just to clear that shit as a gift to my future self.
9:30am - I shower while listening to a podcast and check my messages while brushing my teeth. A neighbourhood pal asks if I want to have a coffee in the park with her before it gets too cold for these outside meetups. I reply and we arrange a plan to meet up.
10:15am - My friend texts and says she’s going to stop at Starbucks on her way to the park - do I want her to grab me anything? I mobile order a caramel apple spice ($5 - I’m off caffeine - doctor’s orders) and tell her it should be there waiting when she gets there. I bring the two remaining scones from yesterday’s bakery trip for us. We hang out at the park for a few hours on our distanced blankets, chatting until our fingertips are thoroughly chilled. Like a lot of my friends, the pandemic has had her and her partner seeking cheaper, more spacious dwellings out of the city. They’re moving in a few months. This is the fourth such announcement I’ve had this fall, so I’m better at being excited for them and asking questions all about their new digs rather than being openly bummed. But inside I’m a little gutted. It’s hard to watch my people move away!
12:30pm: I took the long route home from the park, then settle in with some mint tea and check on my students. I’m teaching online this semester and the course is “asynchronous” - meaning they move through interactive modules of written+video content at their own pace, so I post and reply frequently on the discussion boards, answer emails, and help them along. I have a chatty group this term - there’s a very active kdrama discussion thread in the “non-course related” board. I love when my online students still work at connecting with their classmates - I can’t imagine what it would be like trying to do fully online school and missing out on that in-person experience.
2pm - I whip up a quick chicken soup with some chicken and veggies from the freezer, some egg noodles and a bouillon cube and eat that before spending the afternoon cleaning up - vacuuming, laundry, and online browsing for some sewing supplies. I spend $64 on some additional fabric and bias tape I keep forgetting to buy to finish some projects. I can’t wait to go to fabric stores in person again someday. While waiting for my stuff to finish in the dryer, I do a short Yoga with Adriene video.
7:30pm - After dinner, a friend calls to complain about her boyfriend and we chat for awhile while I organize my craft supplies into bins I picked up at the dollar store last weekend. He’s been a grade-A dingus since the beginning of the pandemic, and just told her one of his roommates tested positive for COVID - on Monday. He stayed with her Tuesday and Wednesday and “forgot to mention it”. DUDE. C’mon! I tell her if she needs anything dropped off at her place - groceries, drugstore stuff, emergency ice cream or baked goods - just call.
10pm - I make some popcorn and queue up Kim’s Convenience with RG, we chitchat about the day and plans for the weekend. After a few episodes I crawl into bed while he tells me all about a COVID-safe date we could go on if we weren’t separated by a few hundred kilometres. It’s a nice daydream.

Day 3 - Saturday ($0)

~1am - My downstairs neighbours are suddenly blasting music so loud my bedframe is vibrating. At 1am. Shoot me. By 1:45 I’m over it and go downstairs to knock on their door. I bang on their door a few times, no answer. One of the other tenants down the hall comes out, we commiserate over the noise. He bangs on the door too, but the music blasts on. We shrug at eachother and go back to our apartments.
~2am - I’m losing my mind at the noise, which seems to be coming from directly under my bedroom. Assuming they maybe have the bedroom door closed and couldn’t hear the knocking, I go to the living room and grab my set of weights and start dropping them on the bedroom floor over and over again like a maniac hoping to catch their attention. It works though - after a few minutes the music is off. Sweet silence!
8:45am - I wake up, roll over, and doze a bit more before getting up to take my medication and instead of staying up, I crawl back in. I chat with RG a bit and send a check-in text to my friend with the crummy boyfriend.
10:45am - I finally get out of bed (I love laying around. If I’m going to be single with no responsibilities I am going to bask in every moment of it) and I eat leftover roasted cauliflower from last night’s dinner for breakfast. Afterwards I clean the bathroom, put away my laundry from yesterday, and log on to my online class to check in on my students and reply to their posts, and review the material that’s going up next week.
4pm - After the day spent with chores I finish putting together a meal plan for the week and grocery order for delivery tomorrow. I actually love grocery shopping in person, but with the uptick in cases recently I’m less interested in going. Afterwards I check my online class forums again (there’s an assignment due tonight so I want to watch for questions) and then go for a short walk around my neighbourhood. It’s nice to get out a bit and see the leaves changing.
6pm - I make a chickpea and lentil curry in my Instant Pot, adding an assortment of random veggies from my freezer, while RG shoots me a text about starting our “together time” a bit early tonight so we can watch Hamilton together. I agree, and after dinner work on some sewing.
9:30pm - Almost completely finished sewing a shirt - I’ll finish the hem another day and the neckline when the bias tape I ordered shows up. I put everything away and I eat some arrowroot crackers with nutella while watching Hamilton with RG. I’ve already seen it a few times but I love it. Midway through I exchange a few emails with a student who is rapidly approaching the midnight assignment deadline and just can’t get her code working. I can tell right away she’s made a teeny tiny typo that’s had a domino effect on her whole assignment. I point her in the right direction, she fixes it, and ends the night happy.
12am - Curling up in bed. I put on another Calm app story and fall asleep.

Day 4 - Sunday ($127)

7:30am - Trying to reacquaint myself with my alarm after a few days off. I roll over and doze a little until 8, then get up, take my meds, and hop in the shower.
9:45am - One of my American friends calls to chat. She was invited to a wedding and doesn’t want to go because the groom’s family are anti-mask QAnon types and she won’t feel safe there. We brainstorm about what kind of gift is appropriate as an in-absentia “Sorry you married into a family of nutjobs” gift.
10:30am - I wash the dishes from last night, then make a sandwich with hummus and sliced veggies and sit down to eat it while I download my students’ assignments for the week and reply to a few more discussion posts. I’ll get to grading later this afternoon.
1pm - Time vanished into a bunch of little tasks and a wormhole of researching possible holiday gifts for family members.I text with my brother’s girlfriend to get a sense of their whereabouts this week - I’m trying to get a birthday treat delivered to his apartment. She confirms a date and I place the order for some safe-to-eat-raw cookie dough in fun flavours ($37). I’m secretly jealous that this place isn’t local to me because it sounds delicious.
2pm - I sodastream some water, add lime juice, and heat up some leftover curry from last night and settle in to start grading assignments with some music.
4pm - My mom calls to talk about Thanksgiving (next weekend here in Canada). They really want me to come, but with cases rising in the province I don’t know how safe it is and I have a lot of guilt about bringing my city cooties to them in a rural area. They haven’t been that cautious - she talks at length about going to a party the night before. By the end of the call I’m frustrated and undecided. It’s pretty clear if I opt not to go I’ll be the “bad guy”, the daughter who abandoned everyone to move to the city and thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. But I have a lot of anxiety around it.
5:30pm - My grocery delivery arrives ($90, including a tip for the delivery person). I put everything away and eat a few pieces of dried pineapple and mango before getting back to marking.
7:30pm - I cook some salmon and roasted veggies and, while eating, text with a friend about my Thanksgiving dilemma. She’s in a similar boat with her parents, we weigh the pros and cons together but neither of us end up deciding anything.
10pm - I watch an episode of Kim’s Convenience with RG before he goes to bed (he has an early morning tomorrow) and afterwards do a Yoga with Adriene video, poke around on Reddit, and go to bed myself around 11.

Day 5 - Monday ($9)

7:15am - Alarm goes off. I wake up, but mostly scroll Reddit until 8. I desperately miss working from an office with other people and better chairs, but if WFH ever ends I will miss getting to stay in bed as long as humanly possible.
8am - Shower, moisturize and put on some lipstain - that’s the extent of my morning routine these days. I get dressed (I’ve been wearing the same threadbare jeans almost all quarantine. They’re so comfortable, but hideous). I make some tea and oatmeal and move over to my desk.
8:45am - I check my credit card statement online while eating. A return I’ve been waiting on is finally processed (+$41.28) - returns by mail are so slow - I put the parcel in over a month ago. I check my class boards too - no new posts to reply to.
9am - Log into work and post my “hello” message in our staff chat. We have a “Hellos and Goodbyes” room to keep track of people’s comings and goings throughout the day. Our CEO pings me and asks how my time off was. He’s been very attentive since my hospitalization and has been checking in about my workload, how I’m feeling. It’s nice to fee seen.
10am - One on one with my junior PM. We chat on Zoom re: what’s on the docket for our projects this month, and I take her temperature a bit re: work/life balance, how she’s managing our extended work from home and the pandemic. She has a lot of vacation days left and I encourage her to use them even if she’s not planning to go away - mental health and rest is important!
11am - One on one with my manager. She calls via phone since her teenage daughter is doing school on Zoom and their internet is overtaxed. She runs through what I missed last week and updates me on a new project I’ll be taking over from her later this month. I’m currently responsible for ⅗ of our major software projects and this will bring me up to ⅘. (Don’t think I won’t make a big deal about that when it comes time for our next reviews.)
11:45am - Answer a customer support email from someone struggling to use the site. After a bit of back and forth I discover it’s because they’re using a decade-old version of Internet Explorer. I hop on the phone, walk them through upgrading to Edge, and they’re a happy camper. We don’t have customer support at our org - the PMs and Junior PMs manage support for their projects. Some days I hate it, but most of the time it’s satisfying to tackle a small and solvable problem amidst the bigger-picture work.
1pm: Team meeting with my software team. We usually do these in the morning but one of the devs had to take his kid for a COVID test since he’s a bit sniffly - schools here are pretty strict. It’s a short meeting, just getting a sense of how everyone’s moving through the current open projects, and then a show-and-tell of pets, since the aforementioned sniffly kid joined at the end. I do not have any pets and am as delighted by them as the kid.
1:20pm: Lunchtime! I heat up some leftover curry and chat a bit with RG, who’s checking in about my stress level. Since my hospital stay he’s been worried about me pushing too hard and not giving myself time to heal. We talk about our mornings and he tells me he added some new songs he thinks I’ll like to a shared Spotify playlist, so I know what I’ll be listening to this afternoon.
2pm: I spend the afternoon working on spec writing for upcoming development projects while my developers investigate a bug a customer reported over lunch.
5:10pm - I set an alarm on my phone to go off when it’s time to log off for the day. I change into some pants with more structural integrity, mask and jacket up, and go for a walk.
5:45pm: While I’m at the pharmacy picking up my prescription, the pharmacist mentions they have flu shots in, so I get one while I’m there. ($8 for my prescriptions, $1 for the impulse coffee crisp bar, $0 for the peace of mind of being flu-free even if I barely leave my house). While I’m walking home, RG calls from his commute to ask what I’m going to do about Thanksgiving. He thinks I should go - it’s generally safe in my parents’ area (less than 30 active cases in the county), and he gently suggests that the fall is probably going to be pretty hard on me emotionally and it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to go away while it’s relatively safe. I keep thinking it over.
6pm - Cook some chicken and roasted veggies for dinner, and after eating, set up my sewing stuff to finish up that shirt hem and start cutting pattern pieces for another project, a robe, while listening to podcasts.
10pm - I set up my iPad on a stool next to my bathtub and watch Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat while soaking in the warm, bubbly water and drinking some chamomile tea, and eventually dry off and head to bed around 11:30.

Day 6 - Tuesday ($0)

8am - Did I snooze my alarm for an hour? You bet. I just couldn’t stay asleep last night. When I finally wake up, RG has left a little video message for me, which I watch, and then watch again, and then start getting ready for the day. I braided my hair before bed so I have those great post-braid waves today.
8:55am - At my desk, logged in and ready to go with some oatmeal. I drop a note in the staff Hellos and Goodbyes and peek at my class discussion board before picking up where I left off yesterday.
10am - Client call. This client is hoping to do something a little “off label” with our tools. We chat a bit about what they’re hoping to accomplish and what their goals are, and I answer a few data questions for them.
10:30am - Team meeting! We spend some time puzzling through my client’s “off label” ideas, do some digging on another client’s data issue, and then spend a little time watching a funny news blooper one of the devs screenshares and joking around. I don't mind a little fun in our meetings!
11am - Biweekly all-staff meeting. Our CEO gives a little roundup of how things are going big-picture, and then one by one each of my colleagues gives a brief update of what they’re working on. Many pets and children make appearances - as a group the general vibe with interruptions on zooms is “delight”, which I appreciate. Nobody’s trying to “keep up appearances”. It’s all a mess we’re in together.
12:20pm - Lunchtime. Check COVID case counts again for my parents’ area (still undecided) while chatting with a friend about her thanksgiving plans. She and her husband have been isolating at a family cabin since early summer, when their city apartment building started renovating. They’re planning a “so bad it’s good” movie marathon, so while I eat leftover curry we chat about our favourite bad-good movies.
1:25pm- Reacquainting myself with some material for my 2pm meeting. I’m on an HR Committee at work and we’re meeting to check in on our work/life and wellness strategies as we head into another WFH quarter. The transition to remote has gone (mostly) well for our company, but there’s always room to improve!
3pm - After the HR meeting I put together a custom report request for our database team to run for me, and then pull up our team’s roadmap for the fiscal year and make some tweaks. I share developers with other teams and I know a big project has dropped in for them elsewhere, so I adjust. We’re already close to hitting our metrics for the year so I’m happy to let the other teams keep my devs busy for awhile while I prep and spec some larger feature builds for them.
4pm - My friend with the dingus boyfriend texts. Luckily, both she and her boyfriend tested negative, but since he lives with someone who’s sick, they’ll both need to test again in a few days. She talks about wanting to break up with him. I encourage her to take her time thinking about it. I think they should break up - he’s a dope. But she’s the one in the relationship - not my call!
5:15pm - I log off for a bit. I’m feeling a bit drained today. I didn’t sleep well last night and I know my indecision about Thanksgiving is weighing on me. I do a yoga video and lay on the floor crying afterward. It happens, part of that good ol’ depression life. Sometimes you just need a lil cry. I’ve been really emotionally overwhelmed since my hospitalization, and some close friends have really broken my trust recently. I’m working on it with my therapist, but sometimes you’re just fresh outta emotional juice, and while I love my family, we’re not close - time with them would be nice, but it’s not restorative.
7:10pm - Alright alright. Time to rally. I log on to my online portal and reply to my students’ board posts and questions. They seem like they’re doing a good job grasping the material, which makes me happy. I never wanted to be a teacher but it makes me feel so satisfied when I can see their progress. It cheers me up a little.
8:45pm - Time got away from me doing that work. I throw some fish and veggies into the oven and call my parents. I tell them I'm still undecided about Thanksgiving, Mom complains that I'm taking things too seriously, I text her the graph of cases again. She tells me I can make a day-before decision if I want to, that they'll isolate the rest of the week, for real, but she just needs to know by Friday around noon if I want to be picked up. I appreciate the extra time to consider things. Then Mom asks me to place a grocery click-and-collect order for her (she's not good at internet). I say I will, and she proceeds to slowly text me a grocery list one item at a time for the next hour. LOL. Moms.
10:15pm - I drink some sparkling water while watching Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat. After one episode I’m wiped, so I go to wash up. By the time I’m getting into bed, RG has left me a video message - the first half is his dog adorably snoring. The second half is just him telling me everything’s going to be OK and apologizing that he can’t be here to do our own Thanksgiving. Cry again - happier tears this time.

Day 7 - Wednesday ($0)

8:20am - Cutting it close today, wakeup-wise. It took me forever to fall asleep last night so I snooze a lot today, but when I finally get up, RG’s left me another voice memo encouraging me to get up and kick this day’s ass. I’ll try! I have a quick shower, mist my hair to refresh the curl a little, and get dressed.
9am - Log on and say hi to the team, then help the marketing team with some content for our monthly newsletter. Once that’s done, I make a smoothie with frozen mango and dragonfruit, then head back to my desk to load some data into our internal dashboards for our CEO’s reports later this week. Once it’s loaded, he DMs me and we chat a bit about the comparison year over year, possible insights, nerd out about graphs a bit.
10:30am - Team meeting. Alongside the usual updates I’ve added extra time to discuss some upcoming features and the specs I have in progress. I don’t love speccing something without involving them - they feel a lot more ownership when they’ve had a chance to be involved in the process. They get really excited about the new build and ask if I can reassign them to this instead of the other project they’re pinch hitting on now. Nice try!
12:15pm - Lunchtime! Some colleagues and I hop into Netflix Party to watch an episode of Queer Eye together. When we were in the office we used to have occasional TV lunch parties so we’ve been trying to mimic that in our new WFH life. I eat the last of my leftover curry while our Netflix Party chat goes OFF in full home-porn-drool at the reveal of Bobby’s house makeover.
1pm - Back to work, more data audits for our research team.
2pm - Internal meeting with another colleague about a section of her project I’m pitch-hitting on - super productive. She runs a tight meeting and I really admire her. After the meeting I write specs for the rest of the day based on the meeting this morning. I put on some old episodes of Reply All and get stuck in.
5:15pm - Head out for a short walk around the neighbourhood to get some air and outside time, talk a bit with RG while he’s on his commute. Once I’m back home, I do some tidying up.
6pm - Therapy call, I talk a bit about my Thanksgiving dilemma but we move on to other topics too. Feeling a bit better than yesterday, but a little rough around the edges. These are the kinds of days where I tend to feel tempted to order in, and while I scroll UberEats, nothing really looks that good, so I close the app and decide to just cook what I’d planned.
7pm - Make dinner, chicken and roasted veggies again. What can I say, I’ll party down on garlicky roasted broccoli any day of the week. I wash dishes when I’m done eating.
8pm - Pop online to check out my students’ posts for the day and reply to some emails. I briefly scroll through stuff on the IKEA website. I’ve been hoping to get some inserts for my Kallax unit, but the ones I want aren’t in stock, still.
9pm - Shower and wash my hair. I get out a shower scrub from Lush and really go to town, I do the Aztec Secret clay mask too. Why not!
9:45pm - Post up on the couch with some sparkling water, ready for TV time with RG. We watch the last two episodes of Kim’s Convenience and chat a bit before bed about what to watch next - we have a lot of good options, but decide to just see what we’re in the mood for tomorrow.
Weekly Total: $247

Food + Drink: $108
Fun + Entertainment: $0
Home + Health: $38
Clothes + Beauty: $64 on sewing supplies (future clothes + entertainment while I make them?)
Transport: $0
Other: $37 (gift)

Reflections: I keep an MD 365 days a year so I can tell by comparison this is on the lower end of an average range for this year so far - I usually get delivery at least once a week (sometimes twice), but I wasn’t feeling it this week! My average spend has really been ticking down the last couple of months. While the pandemic sucks and the isolation is rough (shoutout to my fellow live-aloners), I’m enjoying not spending as much, and that my spending is really heavily weighted toward things that contribute to my sense of well-being.

[Shattered Helix] - 2.01 ‌‌-‌‌ Jailhouse Rock

~‌‌ ‌‌2.01 ‌‌-‌‌ Jailhouse Rock ‌~‌‌
Nexus Cafe, Chicago IL
Monday, June 23rd
“I’m telling you, Shaun. It was the biggest disaster I’ve ever been a part of in a game. Not only did we fail to take down ‘The Master’, we lost the town’s Crystal as well. I know they were just a bunch of NPCs, but I liked them. I hope to see and talk to them again someday.” Kyle said.
“Sounds like you had an amazing experience, Kyle. I haven’t felt that way towards any of the NPCs I’ve met so far while playing. The Federation of Kings area just seems like a normal game to me. Julia and I have gone on quite a few quests together, but she’s blowing past me. She can play all day without worry, while I have to monitor the pods eight hours a day. She’s telling me about how she’s going to win the contest the kingdoms are putting out,” Shaun responded.
“What’s the reward for winning?”
“Something about extra spots for our race and a huge bonus for the winner’s character. They didn’t really spell it out for us.”
“Interesting; I wish we were allowed to record our gameplay. The Tower battle was insane and felt real, and that fucker Frustrated, blowing himself up with the town’s Crystal. I bet I’d had gotten a million hits on the first day.”
“It’s odd. Fantasy is the only game I’ve ever heard of not trying to promote itself through streamers and tubers. Their current methods are working regardless, word of mouth is pushing sales of pods, and interest in the Delve Neurolinks is sky-high. I just read yesterday that Neurolink is going to triple production by the end of the month, with the goal of fifty million units a month. Mom and dad bought the space next door and are expanding the cafe with another hundred and twenty capsules.”
“Wow, business will be good for you guys.”
“It will, but I’ve told them I’d like to be able to play more. My parents are going to need to hire some outside help with the new pods. No way a single person can monitor two hundred pods solo.”
“Has your mom or dad tried the game yet?”
“Mom has; she loves it but doesn’t have enough time in the day to play it. Dad said he’s waiting for that Outbreak zombie game to come out before he tries.”
“What’d your mom make for the special today?”
“Stuffed peppers and mashed potatoes, the real kind, not that flaky shit.”
“Oh, I’ll be right back then.”
Flea came back a few minutes later after grabbing a to-go box for his stuffed peppers and mash. He found Shaun talking with a cute short girl with brown hair and a button nose. Taking a seat next to Shaun, Kyle laid his head on Shaun’s shoulders.
“Why are you talking to my man?” Kyle said.
“What the hell, man?” Shaun stuttered out.
The girl grabbed her stomach as she laughed.
“Oh, Shaun, the look on your face was priceless. Who’s your friend?” she asked.
“Both of you are so not cool. Julia, this is Kyle, Kyle, Julia.”
Laughing, Kyle shook her hand.
“So, how do you like Fantasy so far?”
“I wish I could play it more, even while I’m sleeping. I would love to find a way to pay for a Delve Neurolink, but I’m going to be stuck using a pod for quite a long time. What part of the Federation of Kings are you playing in?”
“Oh, I’m not in the Federation of Kings. Actually, I have no idea where I’ll be playing once I log back in later today.”
“Oh, you have your chip already?”
“Yep, first batch.”
“Damn, I envy you. What’s your gameplay like?”
Kyle proceeded to tell his tale about Noto Island and how he and the players failed miserably at protecting the town from the necromancer of The Tower. Kyle explained to the two how the Crystals worked in each of the cities and villages, and when he’s able to respawn in an hour. He could be sent to any town or city on Mea.
They continued telling one another stories of their gameplay so far. Kyle found out Julia was aiming to be a druid. She told him about one of the temples within her kingdom with skill cores for sale, allowing players to shapeshift into different animals, but she hadn't made it to level 10 yet.
Kyle warned both of them to make sure they were naked and inside a bath when they hit level 10. He continued to explain the issues with gaining that first Mana Gate. Shaun and Julia immediately exploded with inquiries.
“Guess the cats out of the bag. Please don’t tell anyone about me. I’m afraid of what people will do to try and bring me down a peg,” Kyle said.
“I won’t tell anyone. I wish you could fast travel to us and help us out with power leveling,” Julia said.
“Never know. I might spawn in your Federation of Kings when I log back into the game.”
“When can you respawn and find out?”
“Bob, how much longer on my lockout?”
[Little over thirty-six minutes, Kyle.]
“I have thirty-six minutes.”
“You named your AI, Bob?” Both Shaun and Julia asked at the same time.
“Yea, I just used his serial number to name him. What did you expect me to name him, Jarvis or Alfred?”
[Oh, I like Jarvis, why did you not name me Jarvis?]
“I’m sorry, Bob. Do you want me to change your name?”
[Negative, I was trying out another joke.]
The trio continued speaking about Fantasy for a little longer. Checking the time, Kyle excused himself, threw away his take away container, and headed for home.
After making sure to shower and use the facilities, he went to his bed and logged into his MicroWorld. Standing at the door to Fantasy, he stared at the timer as it counted down, waiting for the final minute to slowly tick away.
Waiting three minutes here for one minute to pass in Fantasy blows.
“Bob, when I’m waiting on a lockout, could you speed up time within the Microworld so it’s in sync with Fantasy? I hate waiting longer for the lockouts.”
[Sure thing, Kyle.]
As the timer reached zero, Flea opened the door, ready to walk through. Before he could take a step, a notification popped up at the bottom right of his vision. Stopping himself from walking through the door, Flea opened it, revealing an email from Elenmel.

Mail: To Flea - From Elenmel
Flea!
I am happy to hear you’re playing Fantasy. Ken and I are playing as well. We took part in a new medical capsule trial and are currently living permanently on our joint MicroWorld. The trial we’ve joined is a year long. In three months, we will be taken out for the first round of testing.
We’re currently staying in a small village on the west coast of Ranotite called Fomin. If you can figure out where that is, we would love for you to find us and play together. I have limited access to the mail system as I’m never on our MicroWorld. I only send out this email and some others to the guild while waiting for my death lockout. I’d invite you to our MicroWorld, but we are rarely here unless one of us dies.
Hope to see you soon,
Elenmel.

Flea was beyond happy. He now knew where Iron and Elen were and had a chance to see them again, possibly. Flea asked Bob to make a note of their location so he could find it and visit them. Flea replied to the email, sending his love and letting her know he would follow up with them again once he figured out where he and they were in the world.
With his day now looking brighter than it had, Flea walked through the door to wherever fate would lead him. Opening his eyes and looking around, he found himself at the center of a town right out of medieval Europe. The buildings were all constructed out of timber, wattle, and daub. Each floor being slightly larger and hanging over the floor below it.
Reaching to touch the Crystal, he received its miniature respawn version. Looking into his bag, he found the town’s name to be Dustgrove. Flea turned around, ready to start walking around and learning about this new town, but was stopped by the tip of a spear at his throat. The guard at the other end of the spear started blowing into a whistle, causing long, loud-shrilling bursts of sound.
Spitting out the whistle, the guard started yelling at Flea to lay on the ground. When the other guards came running over, the spear-wielding guard yelled at them to get more backup and chain Flea up.
“What the hell is going on? What did I do?” Flea yelled.
“Shut up, necromancer. Coming into our town while carrying necromantic items is a breach of the Undead Accords. You’ll be sentenced to the mines for this.”
“What are you talking about? I just died on Noto Island, where a necromancer’s sons destroyed the town. Are you sure it’s not from being near them? I’m not a necromancer, I swear! I just started playing the game two weeks ago.”
The guard gave Flea a puzzled look, then removed an amulet from around his neck. He brought it close, holding it over Flea, then slowly moved down towards his magic bag. When the charm got closer to Flea’s bag, it started glowing a bright white. Returning the amulet to his neck, the guard told the others there was something in Flea’s magic bag. He ordered them to take Flea to the cells, and they would sort things out there.
Flea found himself tossed into a very dank smelling cell, with straw spread on its floor. Getting to his feet, Flea tried to plead with the guard to tell him what was going on. The Gnome got nothing but the guard’s back as he walked away.
Flea was forced to wait an hour within the cell before an older Eleven guard came to stand in front of his cell. Flea felt his gaze on him for a while before the Elf spoke.
“You don’t look like much of a necromancer, Gnome,” the Elf said with palpable disdain.
“That’s because I’m not a necromancer. I just got killed trying to destroy one at the last town I was staying in.”
“Then why is it you hold an item of necromantic magic?”
“I have no such...” Flea stopped himself as he realized what he had.
“Figure something out, did you?”
“Yea, I did. I swiped a damn book while the brothers had their backs turned. I believe that is what your guard detected. I had no idea what it was at the time.”
“Regardless, you brought it into our town, and by The Accords, you will be punished.”
“Can’t I just give it to you?” Flea said as he took it out to hand to the guard.
The guard took a step back as he cursed and yelled for assistance. Three guards were within his cell in an instant, holding him to the ground with their spears. Dropping the book to the ground, Flea tried to scream as something clamped around his neck, but not a sound came out.
The older guard took a white cloth from his pocket and used it to pick up the book’s corner, and then placed it into a chest a guard was holding open.
“Take him to the mine. The town will never know what this Gnome could have brought down on us. I will inform the baron and have this book destroyed.”
Flea was dragged by the shoulders outside and then thrown into the back of a wooden carriage with metal bars across the windows and a metal door. The Gnome had been in the back of the carriage for what seemed like hours before it finally stopped. The guards opened the door and dragged him out. Every time Flea tried to speak to the guards, nothing but gurgles escaped his throat.
Entering a large gate attached to a stone and wooden palisade, Flea found himself in what he could only describe as a makeshift concentration camp. There were four identical large cabins, all in various stages of disrepair, near the entrance of the cave’s mouth. A larger and cleaner looking barracks was to the right of the gate they had just entered. There was a Crystal, like the one back at the town, in front of the barracks. Unlike the one in town, this Crystal was bright red. As the guards dragged him towards the red Crystal, a massive Orc came from the barracks’ door.
“New blood today, boys?”
“Yes, sir. This dumbshit brought a Book of the Dead into the town with him. The captain wants him maxed on the sentence.”
“Oh, what a terrible mistake for you to make, but a great mistake for my purse string,” the Orc chuckled.
The guards dragged him closer to the Crystal, while the Orc pulled a very ornate looking dagger from his bag. Taking Flea’s hand, the Orc cut the Gnome’s palm and forced it upon the red Crystal. When his hand made contact, a notification popped up.

You have committed a crime within Dustgrove and sentenced to a one-year labor contract for bringing a banned artifact within Dustgrove.
Failure of the completion of the one-year contract will eject and ban you from The Games.
The warden has placed the maximum price of 50 gold as the buyout for your sentence.

The guards then removed the collar from around Flea’s neck, allowing him to hear his voice once more.
“An entire year for bringing a book into town? That’s insane. Why would the game punish someone like this?”
“Be glad you didn’t bring it into one of the capitals. They have the power to remove you from The Games right away for such a crime.”
“How hard is it to make the 50 gold to buy out my sentence?”
“Well, you can sell us any ore, after you’ve turned in your 20 iron ore each day, at 3 copper apiece. How fast can you mine around 167,000 ore? You could get lucky and find a gem or two. We’ll give you some gold pieces for those. But I’d plan on being here for that entire year,” the Orc said cheerfully.
The warden told the guards to take Flea to cabin four and let him sleep the night away before starting his sentence tomorrow. Getting to the cabin, the guards removed Flea’s shackles and allowed him to enter. They informed him not to try to escape, or he’d be killed as soon as he passed the Crystal boundary. Racking up deaths on his lockout wouldn’t do him any favors for meeting his daily quota. They also let him know someone would soon be by to explain the rules of his sentence.
It didn’t take long after the guards left him for a Canine Beastkin to come into the cabin. The Beastkin had the look of a short German shepherd, but still two heads taller than Flea.
“Welcome to Warden Or’loc’s paradise, as the Orc says. I’m Uglar, mine's foreman. I’m here to explain to you how things work around here. That red Crystal outside they had you place your bloody hand onto is called a Retribution Crystal. It allows those in leadership roles of towns and cities to enforce punishment on The Game’s players.”
“You’ll find smaller versions of them around the mountain and the palisade surrounding the camp. If you cross this boundary, you’ll find yourself instantly snuffed. For thirty minutes after every morning’s day’s start bells, you can find food at the main campfire. Once those thirty minutes are up, they remove the food. Make sure you eat every day, or it gets harder to meet your quota. That said, you are required to bring twenty chunks of iron back with you to turn in at the afternoon’s day end bells. If you fail this requirement, they will double your next day’s quota and deny you food. If you do this too many times, you’ll start to fall far behind and eventually fail the terms of the Retribution Contract. You never want that to happen, trust me.” Uglar explained.
Well, fuck me. Prison themed gameplay. I never understood why people loved to play these types of games. I hope Khorwin, Martina, and Niseph got sent to someplace better than this.

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[Shattered Helix] - 2.01 ‌‌-‌‌ Jailhouse Rock

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